Monday, December 18, 2006
A little over two years ago I started this blog. I wasn't much for hiding my real identity. I used my real name with my last name in my web address. In retrospect; maybe I should have made it a bit more anonymous. But, I ended up embracing my unanonimity. After a few months I posted a picture of myself. In my mind, I knew then that I'd start getting noticed in public. My voracious readership would stop me as I was pumping gas and offer to pay. I'd be pursuing the wide selections at Payless when the clerk would notice my feet from a picture I posted on my blog. I'd be swimming in the ocean when a friendly dolphin would swim up and take me for a ride based on my blogging celebrity. This was all so clear in my mind. Somehow none of this ever happened. Sunday morning I hit the mall to do all my Christmas shopping. Not a single person came up to me and hugged me and told me a tale of how my blog saved their life. Maybe it was because I ran through the mall and just grabbed whatever I could off the shelves because football was about to start. Maybe people just thought that I didn't want to be bothered in public because they can imagine how hard it is to be a celebrity blogger who has a readership of close to two dozen. Whatever the reasons, I made my 756th consecutive public appearance without being noticed. So, I think I need to post more pictures of myself so people don't forget who I am.
If you ever walk into a Sears and see a guy and a baby watching an Eagles game, this is what I look like.
Here's a refresher of what I look like brushing my teeth.
Here's me in my ninja outfit.
And finally, here I am dressed as Mr. T.
If you see me in public, come up and say hi! I'll shoo you away like you're an embarassment, but I swear it will be awesome.
Friday, December 15, 2006
That's what it comes down to theses days. Just a few years ago we would decide to go out at 10pm on a Saturday night. Now, we have to plan our drinking fests two weeks in advance. And they have to be day loads, not nights out. 7 friends. 7 dads. 7 recipes for disasters. We're all hopping on our respective local train/cab/bus/trolley/donkey and we're meeting in center city for a day of debauchery. I'm giddy with delight.
If The Mandate were a movie, who would be the star? I actually checked imdb.com to see if it already existed. I thought for sure I would see a movie that I never saw staring Harrison Ford or Sean Connery or Nicholas Cage or Samuel L Jackson.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
This Saturday the wife, baby and I are hopping on the PA turnpike and heading to the home of the infamous Tinapopo. After a brief stint in the porn business her old blog may or may not be back. I think a little bit of peer pressure can get her to be back for good. "Cookie's" back, Popo should come back now too.
The Family Christmas card is in the process of going out. It kicks ass in a "this-is-so-stupid-I-can't-believe-they-sent-that-out" kinda way. No starburst porn as suggested by Melissa, but it's good nonetheless. I'm actually sending it to a blogger or two who's adresses I have, but I'll post it here next week. Not on my Christmas card list? Too bad, we only ordered enough for certain people. suckas!
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Please note that from here forward whenever I say "taxes", I actually mean "boobs"
I love taxes! I love small taxes, I love big taxes, I love all kinds of taxes. A lot of people think that rich people should have bigger taxes than poor people. I agree. If you can afford bigger taxes, you should get bigger taxes. Rich people might complain about how much thier new taxes cost them, but it's for the good of society. Everyone is better off seeing the rich with nice, big taxes. But, taxes aren't everything. I like butts too.
Friday, December 08, 2006
Lets get political, political. I wanna get political, let's get political. Let me hear your body talk, your body talking.
I love taxes!
My Top 3 presidents of all time: James Buchanan, George W Bush, Warren Harding
My Worst 3 presidents in American History: George Washington, Lincoln, FDR
Vietnam: We came, we saw, we kicked thier ass!
My Theory on how World War I and World War II Never Actually Happened.
Osama is da Bomb-a!
The Hilter 'stash. It Works for My Daugther, It Can Work For You!
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Jan 8th (1979) - I ate yellow snow. Trust me kids, it only looks tasty.
March 20th (1983) - A tooth comes loose. It hangs by a string for at least an hour.
September 4th (1981) - My first day of first grade. Becky Spencer tells me I'm gross and punches me.
October 9th (1982) - Playing soccer, I find out what it feels like to get kicked in the nuts.
November (every year) - The Annual Donovan McNabb injury month.
December 23 (1983) - Brad Hunenstien tells me Santa is not real
In remembrance I plan to not work on any of these days in 2007.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Tis the season to put a Christmas Village atop of the Entertainment center...
Tis the season for Starburst porn...
Tis the season to high five in the middle of a threesome...
Tis the season for Interspecies Erotica...
Tis the season for some crazy S&M shit...
Tis the season for voyeristic masturbation...
Tis the season to roast your chestnuts on an open flame...
Tis the season for the ho's ho's ho's...