It's Begining to Look a Lot Like Starbursts...

One of the most annoying things about the holidays is picking out our Christmas card. Even when we pick a picture the style and saying takes another 3 hours. We're still undecided. Maybe you can help.

Schindler's Gas

Is anyone else all-consumed with the dropping gas prices? I work about 6 miles from home and pass three gas stations. Every day on the way into work and on the way home I get excited to see if the prices dropped again. They do almost every afternoon and I look down at my gas tank and see I don't need any and I think to myself, "I should just get it anyway, this HAS to be the bottom", or "I'll still be saving money if I only need 1 gallon to fill up, right?", or "Gas is cheaper than beer, I wonder if it would get me drunk." I've been doing this for a few weeks and I'm finally nearing empty and actually do need gas. Now, I find myself on the opposite site of the fence. I keep thinking, "I can save 30 more cents if I wait until tonight" , or "I don't need it yet, I can go one more day, just one more day", or "I wonder if these pants make me look fat".

It has become an obsession that I'm sure will end up with me running out of gas and walking into work in a few days.

Beachy-Keen

Kym and I have been lucky enough to be granted a sitter so we can take a 4 night vacation early next year. Almost every year we go to somewhere in the Caribbean. This year we were thinking about using some Hilton points and getting a free hotel somewhere within in the US. We'd want it to be a relaxing vacation.... which is why we always end up going to the islands. In the spirit of losing our billions in the stock market this year we were thinking of being conservative with the spending. We like skiing, but prefer to be warmer. We're horrible at making decisions, so we'll probably end up paying for an all-inclusive beach trip. Any suggestions?

I never questioned the friendships I made until a homeless guy had more Facebook friends than me

In the neighborhood I grew up in there were two homeless guys. I lived in the suburbs, but there were two guys that were always walking around town who very much seemed to be homeless. Art the Artist and Slobbering Bob.

Art the Artist was on the mean side. He never talked to anyone, he smelled really bad and he always had a scowl on his face. He'd hang out at the library and draw and you couldn't sit on the same side of the library as him without gagging from the smell. But, he drew the coolest pictures. Gothic type things with gargoyles and bad ass scary shit.

On the other hand Slobbering Bob was mister outgoing. He always had on a Phillies jacket and a hat back in the day. He'd slobber when he talked and his jacket was covered with it. He'd talk to anyone and everyone. He'd always ask you if you could ride a bike and if you had one he'd ask if he could ride it. He always warned against the dangers of smoking too. I didn't know it, but he apparently loved to help people take down their Christmas decorations. He just walked around town all the time. We lived 20 minutes west of Philly and somehow he was also a permanent fixed at the Jersey shore. No one ever knew how he got there. Some people said he'd walk the 120 miles, others said he'd take a bus. But, everyone knew who he was.

A little over a week ago someone started a Facebook group in his honor. As I write this the group has 454 members with 92 wall posts. Almost all positive. He's still doing the same thing of going back and forth between PA and NJ and being Mr. social.

It kinda makes me wish I were more social.

But not really.

Another YouTube Video no one will care about

Here's my favorite youtuber. Not my favorite song of hers, but the video must have taken a ridiculous amount of effort, so I'm posting it.

Top 8 things that me want to be a vampire

Based on the vampire character defintion in HBO's True Blood.

1. Sleep all day
2. Don't have jobs
3. Are good at Wii
4. Drink Blood
5. Can't fly
6. Run fast
7. Watch lots of tv
8. Like chicks

I normally put this stuff on the baby blog, but whatever

Last night we had lasagna for dinner and Kenslee wouldn't eat any of it. Kym decided to try to get her to eat and in what I'd describe as a voice you use when you're talking as a ghost she said "'I waaant sooome tomatoes!' Kenslee, did you hear that? It was your belly saying it wants tomatoes." And Kenslee said "Oh!" And she ate some tomatoes. So, she tried again "I waaant sooome pasta!" And Kenslee ate some pasta. "I waaant sooome cheese!" And Kenslee ate some cheese. It worked a few more times. Then out of nowhere, Kenslee, in her best ghostly-sounding belly voice said "Leeave meee alooone!"

1,528,726th to the bandwagon

Who knew a song about the Holocaust could be so... pretty?

Life ain't peachy keen for everyone today

The Voting System is Flawed!

I just got back from voting. It took an hour. There were three lines. One for people who's last name's begin with the letters A-G. People like Bill Asshole and Bob Dickhead. There was no one in that line. The third line was people named S-Z. People like Mary Shithead and Susie Wanker. There was no one in that line. My line H-R, had about 400 people. But, because of the books and whatever, no one could switch lines so you had to just wait.

So, I think we need to come up with a new way of voting in 2012 when Lindsay Lohan is running for President. Here's what I think will work better:

1. Online Voting. Just vote online. I'm sure hackers have other things to do with their time than worry about messing with a web site like this.
2. Email Voting. You just email your vote in. But you have to pinky swear to not send more than one email.
3. Show of Hands Voting. Everyone in your state gathers in one place and you raise your hand for whoever you want.
4. Wet T-Shit Contest-esque Voting. Everyone cheers as loud as they can for whoever they want to win. Then the winner does a booty dance.

World Series Parade

Kym and I

Crowds

People on buildings

Monkeys

Crowds

Morons in trees

Charlie

Cole Hamels and his wife who got naked on Survivor for chocolate

Hamels agains

Shane Victorino


And leave it to my wife to point out two things...

Hamels' wife's ring is so big its practically falling off her finger



And whoever is with her could be Jessica Simpson's twin


All in all, I hate parades. This one, truthfully, wasn't much different. It took 3 hours for the parade to reach us, and they drove by us in 2 minutes. It was cool to be there for the atmosphere, but If I were to go again, the concentration would be on tailgaiting. We were lucky to hit no traffic getting there since there were 2 million (literally) people there, so that made it worth it and I couldn't be any happier about them winning it all.

Holy

Shit

Four more years! Four more years!

On this day 28 years ago I woke up with a hangover. I was 5 years old. As far as I can remember I wasn't drinking, but I was out all night. My dad brought me to South Philadelphia to watch the greatest sporting event in Philadelphia history. I don't remember all that much except that we drove down with his friend who had a van which he sold sirens out of, so he blared those sirens as we drove through the mayhem going on in Philly after the game. It was the coolest thing ever. Tonight the Phillies will hopefully start the series to repeat that mayhem and I couldn't be any more excited.

Also on this day in history, 4 years ago, I wrote my first blog post. 960 posts later and here I am. (plus 220+ posts on other blogs). Other things that last 4 years: High School, College, Presidental terms, ipods, 10% of marriages*, the average NFL career **, meat in a freezer***, and an artifical lung****. One thing that is unwaivering after 4 years is my love for you all. Many have come and gone and some have come back. Whether you've been reading for 4 years or 4 days I appreciate you more than you know. I get excited when I see a new post in my google reader, and I get even more excited when I see an increase in a comment count on my blog. I wouldn't still be doing this if it weren't for you. Thank you all.


* Just a guess
** maybe?
*** probably not
**** now I'm just making shit up

And now everything I know about McCan't

Ha! Those Mc jokes rule!

John McCain was a hero, as he was POW in Vietnam. I think a POW is kind of like a GLOW (Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling), except he's not gorgeous, he's just Plain looking. I don't understand what's so heroic about wrestling in a foreign country, but whatever. Something I find odd about this election is how they never talk about how McCain was in jail for like 5 years in the 70s. Mike Tyson was only in jail for 4 years, so I'll go out on a limb and say Tyson will be president in 2096. Just when he's the same age as McCain, which is like 134. I read on the internet that McCain is so old he helped invent houses. And now he has 17. McCain also wants to overturn R v W, H&M, and AT&T. He doesn't understand Economics, Algebra, Calculus, Biology, and he got a C- in Spanish I. While you were reading this McCain just bought 6 more houses and slept with your spouse.

Joe the Terrorist

I have't been paying much attention to the presidental race, but after my last post I figured I'd study up. So, I decided to watch some videos on youtube. Did you guys know Obama is a Muslim? And an Arab? And a terrorist! He "lies with terrorists". Which I must assume means he sleeps with terrorist for money! And a lot of dead people voted for him. He has also strangled aborted babies with his bare hands and he secretly hates plummers. Obama wants to raise your taxes if you make more than $250 a year and will send you to Iraq if you disagree with him. Obama is a socialist which is REALLY bad. I assume. I don't know what that even means. But most importantly, Obama kicks puppies and he just peed in your drink while you were reading this.

A family ripped apart

Nada?

I threaten not blogging for a while and you all give up too, huh? Not a single new blog post today by anyone on my reader feeder. You all make me sick!

The Finish Line

My time is up. After 5 grueling days of blogging I've accomplished my goal. 5 glorious posts. Now I need a break. See ya in a month or two.

And We'll have lots of fun.... with Kenslee Yeung

Day 3

This 5 weekday in a row commitment to blogging is taking it's toll. I can't think. I can't sleep. I've got a bloody nose. I've developed carpal tunnel. I'm itchy. I'm twitchy. And the hemorrhoids. God help me the hemorrhoids!

The (vice presidential) Office tonight!

I hate politics more than anyone I know. And I know a lot of people. I have 43 Facebook friend. FORTY THREE! So, it's very odd for me to actually be excited about the vice presidental debate tonight. Since The Office and 30 Rock aren't on, it's definitely the 3rd most intersting thing on tv after It's Always Sunny and Survivor. First of all, we've got Biden. His wife was my wife's 10th grade English teacher. So, I'm sure he'll spend at least half the night talking about my wife. Then there's the disaster of Palin. I'm really looking forward to listening to the gems that come out of her mouth. BUT, as soon as they start talking about politics I'm turning that shit off.

Next Stop: Jerry Springers Book Club

At lunch today I finished reading The Road. I'd been reading it for about 2 months because it's boring as hell. It reminded me of the Hobbit. A lot of walking and a lot hiding from evil and a lot of nothing happening. I'm disappointed that I didn't like it because it was rated the number one book of the last 25 years by Entertainment Weekly, and it was in Oprah's Book club. I'm disappointed that my intellect doesn't measure up to Oprah's. I wonder if Rachel Ray or Dr. Phil have book clubs?

Over the past few days I've read one two great blogs/blog posts (plus Leezer and Jake have both made returns). They got me wanting to blog again. So, I'm going to make a 30 15 10 5 day (weekday) commitment to writing something. Anything. Even if it's uncomment worthy. I got into blogging because of blogs like those, and my blog was at one point like those. I wonder if I could ever get back to that or if I'm just resigned to updating every few weeks with something boring. Like this.

Zip Lining at Spring Mountain

For my 33rd, I'm so old, birthday today Kym and I took the day off and went zip lining.





It started off with a climb up a cargo net into the trees.





Between Zips there were obstacles that they say they change on a regular basis. The first thing we did was a no-hands bridge. I'm not ashamed to admit I was scared shitless on this. I'm slightly afraid of heights, but more in an excited scared way than scared scared. The instructor bounced across with no hands but pretty much all of us held onto our zip lines.





Then we zipped.





Then we went across a single tightrope with ropes to hang onto. I saw playboy bunnies do this on Fear Factor so I couldn't be afraid of this one.





Then we zipped.





Then we zipped again.






Then we got to a single tightrope with a rope to hang onto high above. There were several ways you could cross this, we both chose to traverse hanging upside down. It was a lot easier then I thought it would be because it was on a slight decline.



Then we zipped.



The last zip brought us to this rock climbing wall..



..where we then rappelled down.





It was a pretty awesome time for an old man like me.

I wanted 2 other videos in this post, but damn youtube's been down all night. **** - edited - got them in.

An example of how downhill my blogging has gone

I came up with this great idea to insert myself into hot pictures of Bristol or Sarah Palin. I figured it would cause a big uproar in the political world for people to see her making out with a democrat*.

But, all I could find were pictures of what I think are Bristol Palin's baby daddy's sister. Then, when I opened up photoshop and got started, I realized I have absolutely no idea how to use photoshop. This was as close as I came.









* - I'm not really a democrat. I'm nothing. My vote was going to be based on how hot McCain's wife is, but now this VP chick may have swayed me**


** also not true.

It never stops now, does it?

10 minutes late

Happy 3rd aniversary to my beautiful wife a few minutes late.


I write this lying in bed from my sweet new iPod touch (an iPhone didn't make sense for me as much as I covet thee).

Not a bad view while taking the trash out

your loss

Not much to write here... A little late on this, but I just wanted to write that Oh Great One has lost 50 pounds. Just by reading my blog!* She lost 50 pound by reading what I write. Can you believe it!?!?! So awesome.



* Or by doing things that have nothing to do with my blog.

Pimping my friend

One of my best friends produced an independent film that's going through the film circuits and starting to get some national attention. As they try to get it picked up one of the things that is evaluated is the film's web site traffic. So I'm pimping it out. Go there, check it out. It's looks good but I haven't seen it yet.

They followed a real Mummers band around for a full year used that as a backdrop, but it's a story about divorce and how the silent painful moments are often over looked.

So, all four of you that still read my blog, Go Check it out

Really Google? Really?

Beatrice Potter gets her own Google graphic? Really? Who's next, Joey Potter? Maybe Beatrice Authur? Really Google? Really? Let it be known that my birthday is in September and I fully expect my own Google Graphic. This is a warning Google, or I'll switch my search engine and the google trends for "boobs" and "big boobs" and "boobs and butts" will fall drastically!

is this thing on?

I wish I could return from my I'm-too-tired-and-I'm-too-busy-to-blog hiatus with something spectacular like Starburst porn. But, I'm too tired and lazy.

Family

I haven't written on my other other blog yet this year, so I thought I'd update. And I may as well just do it here. My brother will be 11 months sober next week and is doing great. He works during the day as a mason and is going to school for psychology. He made the Dean's List in his first semester back, something no one in the family has ever done. He's got a girlfriend that has gone through everything he has gone through, which I think is good. Everything's going very well for him and our family. (knock on wood)

It melts my heart like the heat of a thousand suns

Part 2

It melts my heart like the heat of a thousand suns

It's already posted on my baby blog, but I have to post it here too because I love it so much...

1. I love the way she says "burday"
2. I love the happiness on her face as she sings to me.
3. I love the way she skips the second verse because, really, it's the same as the first
4. I love the way she pretends to blow out the candles as she gives me a kiss
5. I love the way she says "daddy-o" the second time
6. I love the way she breaks into some foriegn language at the end and
7. the way she says "umm.." as if she confused herself with the words she just spoke.




and by the way, it was her burday, not mine.

Love

Last night I watched a movie called Rocket Science. At the end a kid asks his dad his thoughts about love. It got me thinking of how I'd answer that if my kids asked me in 15 years. I have no idea. I'd imagine I'd want to relate it back to how Kym and I fell in love, but that was an odd situation. We worked together for a few months before ever meeting, or me knowing she was a hot chick. So I went through some of my dating history and thought of this one that think is interesting.

It was the summer of 2001 and I was at a club with two friends. My one friend, who's life revolves around how many phone numbers he could get, was off picking up chicks. My other friend and I were talking and checking out all the girls we weren't going to talk to when one of them came up to us. Apparently my friend was hitting on her friend, so she came over to talk to us. She told us she was from Madrid Spain, which she claimed was obvious from her heavy accent... which she didn't have. The odd sense of humor had me intrigued and we talked and I got her phone number at the end of the night. After waiting the standard 3 days to call, I did and we set up to meet the next weekend. It was one of about a handful of actual, real dates in my life. I told my roommates I'd probably meet them at a party a few hours later when the date tanked. But it didn't. By the end of the night we had found a chess board on a park bench (she killed me) then swing danced through the streets of Philadelphia (I was drunk and Swingers was my favorite movie and a girl I once dated wanted to take lessons so I did). It was a good date and we agreed to go out again.

When I called her a few days later she told me she had great news. She was moving to Ecuador. Rejected by the old I'm Moving to Ecuador Story again. A few weeks later I actually got a post card from Ecuador (who knew there were Ecuadorian post cards?). Then a few months later she called me saying she was in town at a conference and asked to meet up for lunch. She had an hour. I met up with her and a friend for an awkward lunch and said goodbye. I never heard from her again.

But, when I left her that day I walked across the street to a Banana Republic and bought my favorite t-shirt ever. SCORE!

The birds nest situation

A few weeks ago an old work friend of Kym's came over to visit and she brought us a hanging pot plant. Kym hung it out on the front porch. About 3 days later Kenslee and a neighbor were playing out front and this robin just kept bouncing around and flying up to the plant. I looked and saw the bird had built a perfectly formed nest in there already... with several eggs laid.

Kym, unwilling to let the flowers die, continued to water them even with the nest in there. When she would water them the mama bird flipped out. She'd fly back and forth between the trees in our yard to the roof, to the rain gutter, screaming at her the whole time. When the eggs hatched she got even more aggressive. Sometimes calling in backup. There'd be 3 or 4 birds doing the same thing. Becoming more and more brazen with swoops towards the nest as Kym was watering the flowers.

Using her 39th week of pregnancy as an excuse for her fear of the birds she had me water them yesterday. We use a big pitcher of water and I emptied about 90% of it into the pot with the mama bird doing her normal squawking/swooping. As the water drained from the pot I went to empty the last little bit into the pot and as I did so one of the baby birds freaked out, hopped up, and tried to take flight. It jumped, started heading straight for the ground flapped it wings, caught some air, flapped again, and flew right into Kym's car in the driveway. It laded safely and started hopping under her car. In the meantime mama bird got super pissed and called her backup. There were about 6 birds going crazy. 2 birds helping the baby bird and another 4 wreaking havoic. In a panic Kym, Kenslee and I ran in the house for cover.

Feeling extremely bad I went out the back door and walked around the house to survey the situation. When I got out front the baby bird was gone. There was still a little bit of chaos going on around the trees in the yard, but I saw no trace of the baby who tried to fly. I can only assume she was scooped up by a wild puma, or cougar, or bald eagle, or leopard, or lion.

I went back inside and looked out my window at the nest and the other baby bird was now sitting on the edge of the nest. She looked scared and alone and she looked like she was about to try to fly herself. I watched for a few minutes before I got bored. Again, I can only assume she was eaten by a wild Asain or African-based carnivore because this mornign there was nothing but an Empty Nest.

Breaking News

Since I've mentioned it before, I'll write this now... my Sister-in-law who has now been in the hospital for 8 weeks was supposed to have a c-section today, 4 weeks before her due date. She was told yesterday that they overbooked the c-sections today and she'd have to wait an extra day. It upset her so much to wait one more day that she went into labor and her water broke last night. The baby was born, 6lbs 12 oz. All are doing well.

Last Weekend

Last weekend we spent a night in the Pocono Mountains for a wedding. We stayed in this awesome house on Lake Wallenpaupack. (Site of the Booze Cruise Episode of The Office.) The house was this amazing million dollar house with a hot tub on the deck over looking the lake and they had a pool table, a shuffle board table, a bubble hockey machine, darts, and everything awesome. The wedding was kinda boring, my brother (who is approaching 10 months sober) and his girlfriend left early to go home and play scrabble. When I got home I joined in and dominated them with awesome spelling skillz.

As I said, the house was amazing and we took a grand total of one picture:

Can't Heidi Klum's husband be arrested for this kind of behavior?

Link

Green, Grass, Grace

I was just reading someone's blog who's name I won't mention unless she wants me to. But, someone commented that "The grass is always greener..." And it got me thinking.

The grass IS always greener. Seriously. My grass sucks. It's brown with bare spots all over. It's got tons of weeds and crab grass. Last night I took my daughter for a walk and when we got to the end of the block she lied down on my neighbor's grass and spread out like she was in bed. She won't even touch our grass. I hate my grass.

My wife on the other hand is the best in the neighborhood.

The worst named illness since chickenpox

So my daughter came home with a letter from her Daycare the other day that one of the children in her class came down with Hand Foot and Mouth Disease. When you first hear that, you immediately think of that disease where they had to shut down Europe and you had to throw away the hamburgers and the cows and sheep were just randomly exploding and whatnot. Right?

Well, it turns out that was Foot and Mouth disease. Not Hand Foot and Mouth disease. Duh! Hand Foot and Mouth Disease is kind of like a mild case of the flu where you get bumps on the aforementioned parts of your body that neither burn or itch. It goes away itself after a few days.

So, my question is could they really think of no other names for this illness other than basically the same name as that one that caused the Potato Famine back in 1999?


Oh, and she may or may not have it. It's kind of like when someone has a sore throat and then suddenly you feel like you might have a sore throat, or it may just be in your mind. That's exactly what hand foot and mouth disease is like.

Baby Names 2.2

Kym and I have narrowed down our baby name choices once again. Please vote for your fav!

Free Web poll for your Web site - freepolls.com

we are also open to any more hip pop-cultural names if anyone can think any that could be cooler than these (though that's not likely!).

Rock The Vote

So Hillary won Pennsylvania yesterday I hear. I didn't vote. I didn't vote because voting is for nerds. I started blogging almost 4 years ago right before the 2004 elections. All everyone could blog about was blah blah blah Al Gore. It seems most bloggers are democrats? I didn't vote then, but I'm thinking about voting this November. With Hillary back in the hunt now I'm thinking more and more about putting my vote out there. My vote, of course, will be based solely on the hotness of whatever chick will be in the white house.

Hillary, sorry, but you've got no chance for my vote.




Barack's wife? Not bad.



Now Cindy McCain. That's what I'm talking about. I bet she has nothing on under that coat.



But, my real hope is that a new contender will pop up. I'm hoping that contender is a certain Texan polygamist. I'd love to be checking out these hotties for the next 4 years.

question

My Sister in law has been in the hospital for about 3 or 4 weeks now (pregnancy problems). So, my brother is at home with his daughter alone. If you were (or are) a single parent, what would you struggle with the most? I'd say doing the dishes. Or laundry. Or buying clothes for my daughter. Or being able to keep up with my favorite tv shows.

bored?

I joined M and K's training blog to try to keep each other motivated in our running/biking/swimming. Though never of them has written in a week now, so I don't know how well it's working out...

Two things I hate

1. Thinking I'm cool when I stumble across an amazing song on Sirius only to find out it's a year old and then I feel like that kid in the corner that doesn't take baths and nobody talks to.



2. Not having it on my ipod before I go for a 9 mile run today.

What the hell are you asking me for?

Who will get kicked off American Idol tonight?

Every Wednesday my blog is overrun with people begging to find out the answer to this question. I wrote a post about that 2 years ago and people still go to that post for an answer. So, here's my "Who will get kicked off American Idol tonight?" post for the year.

So, who will get kicked off because their song chocie was too boring? Everyone. Dolly Parton night? Come on now. And no one even did the White Stripes version of Jolene. Every sucked. Everyone should go. And by "everyone" I mean the producers who thought that would be a good idea. American Idol should only be on the air for the month of auditions, then they should crown the winner. I only gets more boring after that. I predict they have to kick everyone off tonight because not a single person voted.

Career change

Being the father of a little girl has gotten me into the parenting habit in which I'm not sure of how I'll be as a father to a son. I'm always kissing and hugging and cuddling with my daughter. Do I do the same with a son? I guess, but I just feel like it will be weird. Also having a daughter has taught me a lot about women and girls that I didn't know before. Such as how to style hair. I must say I'm pretty awesome at it...









still a little shaggy in the front though....



fixed!






Have you ever seen a more finely crafted hairstyle? (Or a girl so consumed with Mickey Mouse that she would let me mess with her like this?)

I feel like I should write something since it's been a week and a half, but I got nothing.

I've been sick for a month now.

My SIL is in the hospital still. Hanging in there.

Kym hasn't gained enough weight in her pregnancy so the doctors are worried. She has an unltrasound next week. We're not too worried. (I'll post belly pics on the baby blog soon)

Work is busy. Recently got my highest annual raise ever. Do you think there's a coorelation between my current job successes and my weekly post vs. my past not-too-successful work successes and my twice daily posting?

Baseball starts in 4 days!

I ain't got 90 days

We just got back from the hospital. My sister-in-law is a week less pregnant than Kym. 27 or so weeks. On Thursday she was having bleeding so she went to the hospital. The told her she'd have to stay overnight, then it was until Saturday, now it's until she gives birth. They're hoping it won't come early, so she's going to be in the hospital for the next 13 weeks. It's a very tough situation. They have a 2 year old daughter and all the responsibilities will be on my brother. It's just tough all around. She's got a grocery bag full of DVD's, and she'll probably subscribe to the big brother live feeds. But 13 weeks in a hospital bed (she's not allowed to walk to anywhere except the bathroom) is BRUTAL. Send good thoughts their way if you make any.

What should we name our son?

We took just about the least popular name on the last poll. So, what will it be this time?

Free Web poll for your Web site - freepolls.com

I wish...

When presented with the question "If you could have a conversation with anyone in history, who would it be?" I was always very selfish. I don't like history. I don't care about George Washington or Alexander Hamilton (no offense Leezer). I wouldn't want to break bread with Jesse Owens or Jesse James. If I could talk to anyone, I've always wanted to talk to myself. I wish 32 year-old Tim could talk to 5 year old Tim just to see what I was like. To see what kind of kid I was.

But now my answer is different. If I could talk to anyone it would be 15 or 25 year-old Kenslee. I would have a million questions. Am I a good dad? What could I do better? Where did I mess up and how can I fix it when the time comes? Are you happy? Are you a well-adjusted non-anti-social person unlike your dad? How beautiful are you? Do you still hate hair clips? Do you still hold a fork in one hand then eat with your fingers of the other hand? Do you still love jumping? What about Elmo? Do you still watch him everyday?

I really wish I could fast forward and see then come back and continue to enjoy everyday.

Sick again

I'm not sure if it's bronchitis, or a sinus infection or what. I just know somethings wrong with my ears because I watched a couple minutes of American Idol tonight and everyone sounded like shit. It's got to be my ears, right?

Why I'm done with Howard Stern in the morning

Steve-O "Yeah dude, so I'm married now."
Howard Stern: "What do you mean you're married?"
Steve-O: "I got down on one knee and proposed to her in front of her grandmom. That's married to me."
Howard: "Oh, so you aren't officially married?"
Steve-O: "Na dude, Fuck That."

KENSLEE: "Fuck dat!"
ME: "What?!"
KENSLEE: "Fuck dat!"
Me: "Uhh... no honey, we don't say that."

Probably my gayest post ever

So, in the history of American Idol, I've liked two songs that have come out of it. Since U Been Gone and that one by the country chick about keying a car. Now ,it's three. Josiah Leming's To Run. Even though the kid didn't actually make the show, I think he's probably the best guy artist that's ever been on it. Seriously, except for the Australian guy, every dude on there this year blows. Here's that song I like and to up the gay factor I found a version that someone put to clips of Hannah Montana.

(1000-912)/((30.5*8)+8)

I was just trying to plan out a situation where my 1000th post occurs on my 4 year blogging anniversary. But, I think based on my equation I'll need to post 76 times a day. I never have been any good at math. Or blogging.

A long time ago I dated a girl who's mom sent her a valentines day card. On the inside her mom Freudianly wrote "Happy VD Day!"

So, Happy VD Day to you all!

The best spam I've gotten in a while

Dear Friend,

My name is Mr Donald Young in South Africa our client died Three years ago leaving behind Capital amount (US$14.6M) in our bank here where i work ,I am his account manager ,till date nobody has come forward or put application for the claim.During the bank private search for the relative recently your name and email contact was among the findings that matches the same surname as the deceases who died interstate with no Will or next of kin with our bank record.To maintain the level of security required I have intentionally left out the final details. I want you to come forward since I can provide you with the details needed for us to claim the Funds so that I can be gratify by you,I and my colleague that will do all the crucial part in the bank to have the claim release to you promptly.

To affirm your willingness and cooperation please do so by replying me at my private email stating your mind and also on how we should share the funds and also send your private telephone number to us or call me if you can.

I do expect your prompt response.

Thank you,

Mr Donald Young.

Email:donayyoun101@yahoo.com.hk



Most spam I get these days is just a bunch of porn words put together in random order. This guy really has his grammar down pat. Plus, he did call me friend, so he must know me, right? I feel I have to send him my phone number now.

For Reals This Time

It's a...

Rejected

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

This is awesome

And could it be any more tailor made for Leezer? Michael Cera as Alexander Hamilton. I'm pretty sure she's had some sort of perverted sex dream about this exact situation.

Fraanch fries

The writer strike shortened season of Lost starts the night we get back from vacation. It's been so long I started renting all the dvd's from last season. I'm 12 episodes in and am I'm realizing I won't watch them all before we go away next weekend. So, I was just trying to steal the rest of them so I can watch them on my ipod on the plane and all I can find are French and Spanish versions. (Because I don't want to spend $35 on itunes unless the writers are getting their fair share. Uh huh, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.)

Speaking of the writer strike, does anyone REALLY give a shit that the Golden Globes weren't on? Do you really care if the Oscars are canceled??? Really?

ultrasound

It's a ...

What Would You Do?

On Tuesday we have Kym's 20 week ultrasound. The one where you can find out if the baby is a boy or a girl or one of those things that has both male and female genitals. We didn't find out for Kenslee. Kym's dying to find out this time. I'm not so much. Our original plan was for them to write it in an envelope and we would open it when we're in Jamaica in two weeks. She's now trying to push finding out in the office. I'm thinking I don't want to know at all. What do we do???

Never Trust a Big Brother who Smiles *

This overwhelmed with music thing has gotten me angry. I had shuffle on when The Macarena started playing. For some reason that made me crave some mmmm, mmmmm, mmmmm, mmmmm by Crash Test Dummies. I was pissed when that wasn't on my ipod, so I looked for Every Rose has it's Thorn by Poision and I don't have that either. So, I then looked for one of the suggestions in the comments from the last post: Rock Me Amadeus by Wilco and I don't have that either*! Dammit!!


* When Poision by Bell Biv Devoe was big my dad bought the tape. He sang the wrong words to "Never trust a big butt and a smile"

** I know that was Falco, but my ipod doesn't have Wilco OR Falco

Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start

Over the holidays I "aquired" a disk with 12,000 songs. Some recent, but largely older music.

Over the holidays I saw the movie Juno and immediately went home and downloaded the soundtrack from itunes. That's all I listen to.

So, as my ipod currently stands, I have 5700 songs loaded and I only listen to 19 of them.

I need motivation to expand. But, I'm overwhhelmed. I don't know where to start.

So, tell me who to listen to that's not too new and hip, but oldish and cool. You tell me Eddie Money is cool? Done, I'm listening to a little Take Me Home Tonight. Dropkick Murphy's? Done. You tell me to listen to The Lightnening Seeds, Lionel Richine, Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam, Lisa Loeb, London Symphony Orchestra? Done. Done. Done. Done. Done.

I just need some motivation.

Here's one to win over my readers...

I'm pretty sure I don't like dogs. There I said it. I don't like em. I think. We dog sat over the holidays. Our neighbors went to Israel for 12 days and we watched their dog. It was just about the most well behaved dog I've ever seen. It barked about 4 times over 12 days. It chased our cat the moment it walked in the door, then left her alone for the next 12 days. Since the cat was hanging on the 2nd floor, it just slept downstairs. We caged it the first day, then didn't need to for the rest of the stay. We basically forgot it was there except when we had to walk it or when Kenslee was torturing it. Kenslee loved to pretend to throw something at it. It would flinch and Kenslee would literally almost die laughing. She'd do this for about 20 straight minutes. Then she'd chase the dog. She'd chase it into one room laughing, then a few moments later she'd come out laughing with the dog chasing her. She really loved the dog. Me? Not so much. I don't really have a reason either. I think it was just a boring dog. He just sat on the sofa for 23 hours a day. He was like a cat. He looked like a cat too being that he was about 8 pounds. We've dogsat for a boxer and I liked that dog a lot even though it drooled all over the house. We've dogsat for a Jack Russell and I liked that dog even though I'm pretty sure he was on coke. But, this little, log haired shitzu just turned me off for dogs.

Update

I wrote here for the first time in over 2 months.

Uggh!

For the past month or so Kym and I have been looking to buy a car. Yesterday we were determined to finish our annoying search and make a deal. After deciding on the car we went to the dealer. They gave us a price way too high, we gave them a price way too low. They budged, we budged, they were done budging at a price still way too high so two hours after arriving, we left. I called a car dealer friend, who made some calls and told us where to go and who to talk to. We walked in the dealer, they appraised our trade in, and gave us just over what we expected. I told them it was a deal if they threw in roof rails. They agreed. 20 minutes after arriving, we made a deal. One month and 6 dealerships later, we made a deal in 20 minutes. Why does everything about car shopping have to be so annoying?

Our new car Mazda CX-9 in Black Cherry:

This year's stupid card.....

kTunes

OK, So I'm looking for suggestions here. Last year for Christmas I made a video of a bunch of pictures and videos cut together to music for my parents. IT had three song, To Love Somebody (remake of a Janis Joplin song by I'm not sure who, but it was on a cd Melissa sent after Kens was born), Tiny Dancer (remake by Ben Folds), and Santa Claus is Coming To Town by Bruce Springsteen. So, I'm going to make another video for my dad this year, but I'm struggling to come up with songs. They have to be cool, but something my parents can somewhat relate to. As of right now the video has Bright Eye's First Day of My Life and Al Albert's On The Way To Cape May (for beach pics). But I think Bright Eyes is too current and un-relatable to my parents. So, can you think of any cool songs, that could relate to my 60 year old parents, that are good songs to put to pictures of my beautiful daughter. Old songs redone by someone current seemed to be a theme last year. Anyway, I attempted to post the video from last year, but it's too long. Oh well.

PS, Dear everybody except for basically Leezer and naynay, I can't get to blogger.com from work, so I can't leave comments. I read, but can't comment. Sorry. MAybe my at-home laziness will stop someday and I'll write the awesome comments I think of when I first read from work.

Tears? Really??

I love this heartwarming story about a 5 year old that shot and killed a bear.(Unfortunately it wasn't Bear Grylls, that lying prick).


The highlight of the story is this:
Reporter: "What did you think when you found out your 5 year-old grandson killed this enormous black bear?"
Grandfather: "Tears rolled down my cheeks" (of joy for those that didn't watch it)

It's the same answer as a few other grandfathers of famous people in history...
Connecticut, 1746:
Reporter: "What did you think when you found out your 5 year-old grandson, Benedict, cheated on his first test?"
Grandfather: "Tears rolled down my cheeks"

Germany 1894:
Reporter: "What did you think when you found out your 5 year-old grandson, Adolf, killed his first Jew?"
Grandfather: "Tears rolled down my cheeks"

China 1898:
Reporter: "What did you think when you found out your 5 year-old grandson, Mao Zedong, killed his first million people?"
Grandfather: "Tears rolled down my cheeks"

Los Angeles 2010:

Reporter: "What did you think when you found out your 5 and 4 year-old grandsons, Sean Preston and Jayden James, started drinking and doing drugs?"
Grandfather: "Tears rolled down my cheeks"

My Personal legend (with a small l)

Leezer wrote a good post about Personal Legends (go read it because this post won't be as good as that) and how they don't necessarily need to be something huge that you do, but they could be something smaller. Something happens where you chose a certain path which will reshape the path you were on.

I didn't hook up with the hottest girl at my college. That's my personal legend. Pretty awesome huh?

And here's my story behind it…. For my first month of college I was set to get completely out of control. I just wanted to get drunk every night and hook up with every girl I met. I was on the path to pathetic. So, I was starting to like one girl in particular, but didn't really want to get into a relationship or anything. After a few weeks of flirting we ended up kissing on a Thursday night. The next night I was at a party and went home with the hottest girl in my college. We got back to her room, and when we got there I said "Uh, I can't do this." and I left. I went back to the party, went home with the other girl, and went home with her every night for the next three and a half years.

We broke up before I graduated, but those three and a half years are really what put me on the straight and narrow. I became a better person, I worked harder than I would have in classes and everything in life. She pushed me to be successful and to get good summer jobs, which got me my job after graduation, which led me to the job I have now, which led me to Kym, which led me to Kenslee.

So, basically I owe everything to not hooking up with the hottest girl in my college. If I would have let my penis talk for me I'd probably be in a gutter somewhere right now. Or maybe I'd be the President. But, I wouldn't want to be that either, so I guess I made the right move.

One Love?

With our next child due in a mere 27 weeks I've started to get scared. I'm scared for the sleepless nights and jealous older sister. I'm scared I won't have the patience I had with Kenslee because it won't be new anymore. I'm scared of a lot of things, but one of the biggest scares I have is love. Before we had Kenslee I knew I would love her. I fell in love with her before she was ever born and I fall more and more in love with her everyday. My heart is so full of love I honesty don't know how I'll love anyone as much as I love her. Parents out there with more than one kid, I'd love to hear if you had this same fear and how you can love all your children the same. I'm scared to death I will play favorites and one of them will end up resenting me.

Anyway, to give a visual of my love, I drew some pictures.

First, here's my heart before Kenslee:



As you can see I still had room for love in my heart.

So, when Kenslee was born, she took up all that space:




In fact you may notice she caused some of my love for the Eagles and Phillies to shrink. Oddly, Pizza got bigger.

So, here's what I fear when we have another child:




My heart will explode. The next child will take up too much space, causing things to shift, and eventually my heart will start to leak. There will Pizza and Eagles and Blogging all over the place. It's not going to be pretty.

SS 2: Super Sperm Strikes Again!

Yep, my super sperm has proved it's dominance over unfertilized eggs once again. Kym is currently 12 weeks into the pregnancy, so we felt it's now officially ok to spread the word. We told our parents over the holiday weekend.

Over the past few months Kym has been doing natural family planning and we were extra careful on the danger days. About 6-8 months ago we started discussing when the best time would be to start trying to have the next baby. Now? In a few months? In a few years? Never was usually the conclusion. We looove our sleep and we knew that having another baby would take away from that precious time we have. And since Kenslee is now sleeping through the night, why change a good thing?

But, we want more kids so we looked at the immediate future. Kym didn't want to get pregnant as soon as she started her new job, so we waited a few months. Then we looked again. We have an annual vacation to Myrtle Beach at the end of July, so selfishly, we wanted to plan around that. Either the baby would have to be a few weeks old at that point, or the pregnancy would have to be at an early stage. As things worked out we gave ourselves one shot. (Cue Eminem's Lose Yourself:

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

When opportunity knocks, my super sperm answers. That one shot we gave it was September 11th. We said we'd try once, when it didn't work out, we'd wait until early 2008 and try again. My SS is no joke. About a week later Kym started feeling sick, and hasn't stopped since.

1st public photo:



Kym has been writing since we found out...

The past few weeks
9 Weeks
11 Weeks
Sequential Screening

Die Hard: With a Vengence

I ran the Philadelphia Marathon this morning (aren't you glad this will probably be my last running post of the year!?!). I finished in 3 hours and 38 minutes. The official times still aren't up, so I'm not certain of my exact time. This is about 28 minutes faster than my last marathon and about 8 minutes slower than I wanted to do. But, I guess I can live with that.

I started the day following the 3:30 pace group, and I totally blame the pacer for making me go 8 minutes slower than planned. A 3:30 marathon averages out to 8:01 per mile. The first mile was 8:35, then the guy must have felt like he had something to prove after that. Almost every mile for the next 17 that I stayed with him was well under the 8:01 pace. 18 miles into the race I was a goner. My plan changed from under 3:30, to under 3:35, to under 3:40, to finishing, to not dropping dead. When I ran the marathon 4 years ago I prided myself in not walking to whole time. I walked about 6 times between miles 21 and 25 today. And when I stopped running to walk my head would spin. I couldn't see straight. If I would have sat down I probably would have passed out. But, when I started back running the spinning would stop, but the overall pain did not. My knees, feet, toes, shoulder didn't hurt... nothing in specific hurt, everything hurt. At mile 9 Speedy Gonzalez had us go a 7:27 mile, mile 25 was a 10:04 when I walked twice, thought about jumping in the river to end it all, then prodded through.

All in all, I'm happy I did it, I'm happy I beat my old time by 28 minutes, but most of all I'm happy it's over. 1/2 marathons are fine, but if I ever say I'm running another marathon, someone please point me to this post and talk me out of it.

Pictures of the massacre:

Mile 8. Going fast, but just about the time I started getting hungry. Getting hungry 8 miles into a marathon? Not a good thing.



Mile 14. Still hanging in there. Less than a mile from the hill that did me in.



Mile 26.1. You can see the pain oozing from my pores.

How annoying is that Disclaimer?

> But until I'm unlazy enough to move my blog, it's staying.
>
> I really having nothing to write about today. Less than 5 days until
> I run my marathon. 750 miles run on the year. And that might all be
> wasted because I feel like shit. My former award winning immune
> system, which has lost a step in the past few years, is doing it's
> best to fight off a sickness. I'm trying to do everything I can to
> help fight off the sickness: Drinking lots of water and orange juice,
> taking vitamins, and looking at lots of pron. Let's hope it works out
> for me.
>
>
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The contents of this message, together with any attachments, are
intended only for the use of the person(s) to which they are
addressed and may contain confidential and/or privileged
information. Further, any medical information herein is
confidential and protected by law. It is unlawful for unauthorized
persons to use, review, copy, disclose, or disseminate confidential
medical information. If you are not the intended recipient,
immediately advise the sender and delete this message and any
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attachment, is prohibited.

Bi-Curious

> When I say I comment biweekly does that mean I comment twice a week or
> once every two weeks? I always had a hard time with good bi's.
>
------------------------------------------
The contents of this message, together with any attachments, are
intended only for the use of the person(s) to which they are
addressed and may contain confidential and/or privileged
information. Further, any medical information herein is
confidential and protected by law. It is unlawful for unauthorized
persons to use, review, copy, disclose, or disseminate confidential
medical information. If you are not the intended recipient,
immediately advise the sender and delete this message and any
attachments. Any distribution, or copying of this message, or any
attachment, is prohibited.

This is just a test

I’m testing the “post from email” option within blogger.  I’ll probably end up switching to a new site, but I’m way too lazy for that right now.  So, I’m testing my workarounds until my work realizes what a mistake it was to block blogger.