iMayor

Did you guys see all the nerds waiting in line for a new iPhone? I don't really blame them. It sounds awesome, and nerds generally don't have much better to do with thier time than wait in line for nerdy things. But, you know who shouldn't be in line? People that aren't nerds and mayors. Yes, mayors.

The mayor of Philadelphia is currently sitting in the rain, waiting for an iPhone. There's so much wrong with this that I don't know where to begin. First of all, I'm too lazy to look up his salary, but I'm pretty sure he's making a ton of money to sit on his ass and doing nothing outside right now... as compared to sitting on his ass and doing nothing inside. Second, the dude is a crook who has been bugged by the FBI. Are you telling me he can't pull some strings and get one on the down low? Third, does he not have anything better to do with his time, like oh, I don't know, be a mayor of a city who's murder rate is at an all time high? It's ridiculous. It makes me so angry. And jealous. I want one.

Screw AARP, being a Senior sucks.

So, my hangover day started 5 hours after my post when my daughter woke up. We got up and went down to eat. I then logged into work at around 7am and sent an email that I'd be working from home. I got Kens ready for school, took her, then got home and took a nap. Upon waking up I felt 10 times worse than when I was awake the first time. I then sent an email saying I'd be working until noon, then taking the afternoon off. Shortly after logging off for the day I got called and was on a conference call for half the afternoon. Upon hanging up I got called onto another call and sat on that until about 6:30pm. I guess God was punishing me for drinking so much of Satan's sweet nector on a school day.

Sometimes

I'll start drinking and I won't stop. I'll play softball and then drink and keep drinking. Then all of the sudden it's 1:37am and I need to wake up in like 5 hours if I'm lucky. Wow. Tomorrow will be rough. bye.

Not like me

Tonight when I was out for a run... well first of all, I know I'm not exactly cutting edge with this, but I downloaded The Fratelli's album last night and put it on while I ran and it's awesome. Great running music. Anyway, I was running and there were a bunch of kids playing in my neighborhood and it got me thinking of how I really hope my kids aren't like me. Not so much now... I'm an ok guy now (minus the wife beating, alcoholism, and drug habit). But, I was a real dick when I was a kid. My friends and I used to steal beer off people's porches, we used to destroy public property for no reason, we used to just be all around dicks. I'm scared my kids are going to grow up to be assholes. Maybe I'll just keep them locked in the basement. Yeah, I think that will work.

Don't Stop Believing

After my 10 mile race in the begining of May I hit my lazy stride. I cut my running back from 25 miles a week to about 7. I was basically running once a week, 7 miles. After a few weeks of laziness I added another day and got back up to around 10 miles a week. I just find it so hard to run in 90 degree weather and about 217% humidity.

We've been going down the shore for the past three weekends and as much as I love to sit out on the deck and soak in the ocean air with a bottle of wine, I have been getting up and running on the beach or the boardwalk on Saturday mornings. So, I've still been keeping up with my long runs, but I never run fast and I feel completely out of shape.

A few weeks before the 10 miler I looked at upcoming races to try to keep myself motivated over the summer. I eyed up a 5 miler and a 5K, both this past Saturday. I never signed up for either of them and as I finished my second glass of wine on Friday night I told Kym I'd be doing neither. It took a simple "Why? Just do it." and I was convinced. I woke up with the baby at 6:15 and we all packed in the car at 7 and went to run a 5K. Well, I was running, they were watching.

So, I signed up, stretched and lined up at the front of the pack.

And surprisingly, I pretty much stayed there. I had my fastest time ever (20:28 for those that care), finished 15th out of 154, and got a medal for finishing 3rd in the 30-39 age group. I wore it on the beach all weekend and now I have the most awesome 3rd place medal tan you've ever seen.

Maybe getting a promotion wasn't the best thing in the world

I mean, look at how my blog is suffering.

Wedding Crashers

This weekend at the beach Kym's sister's best friend while growing up got married on the beach. We weren't invited, but Kym hasn't seen her sister in 7 months and she wanted to see Kenslee, so we were told to come. It was all very casual, and zen, and Buddha, and the two getting married are both vegans, so it all was very granola, and they were happy to have us.

So, as we arrived Kym's sister was in the street and whisked Kym and Kenslee off to one house while I was told to go to another house with Kym's parents. After an awkward half hour (Kym's parents knew no one either) we all paraded to the beach.



Kenslee was instantly a nightmare, so we had to stand off to the side as to not interrupt.



We had some fun..



..but as the guests of honor were a half hour late, fun turned to crying and right after Kym's sister's friend was walked down the beach by her dad and father-in-law...




Kenslee and I left the beach and missed the whole thing. In most cases I would have been happy with her because weddings are generally boring unless they are you're own. But I wasn't happy, I wanted to see this wedding. It would have been a beautiful sight. Not for the romace of it, but because...

..

..
..

It was two chicks!!!!!



SWEEET! God Bless New Jersey!

semi-new parenting question

104.5 is not a good temperature for a baby to have, right?

The 5 second rule doesn't apply on the beach

In the not too distant past I used to take time out of my day blogging to do some work. Nowadays I look at the clock, see it's 2:30 and realize I really need to blog something or else people will start to think I have herpies or something that's keeping me from writing. So, here it is. Ummmm, so what's new with you? Oh really? Is it contagious? Yeah, not much here. Ummm, I had friday off and went to the good ole Jersey shore. My parents got a shore house for 2 months so they can enjoy some extended time with the kids and grandkids. It was Kenslee's first time on the beach since she was 3 months old.



The air temperature offshore was in the 80's but with the wind coming off the ocean, it was about 60 on the beach and the water was somewhere in the teens I think. Being the good parents we are, we forced her to go in the water for a little. She loved the water and the waves, but it was too cold so that only lasted about 3 minutes. Then we wrapped up and ate some sand.

Update II

Another update on my new years resolutions..

blah, blah, blah...

Get a promotion or new job by midyear - Fucking done. My promotion went through today. I'm no longer a regular douchebag. I'm now a Senior douchebag!

Things heard one year ago to the moment

It's a girl!



Happy B-Day baby girl.

My excuse for not blogging all week...

Ummm, my dog ate my blog?

hmmmm

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Beating Women

Cecily Tynan is a newscaster in Philly. A few years ago, before Alycia Lane hit the airwaves, she was probably condisered the hottest newscaster in the area.

Rewind to my 5 mile race a few weeks ago. There was a girl 10 yards in front of me for most of the race. With about a half mile to go I turned on the jets and passed her. Much to my surprise, while looking at the results, I found out it was the one and only Cecily Tynan that I had passed in the last half mile. I took great pride in that. She was on the cover of Runners World and according to the station she works for "Ms. Tynan is a four-time sub-3 hour marathoner, former world-class professional duathlete and a top ten age group finisher at the 2003 Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii." She's so serious about her running that she dumped her husband for her trainer.

I was very proud of myself for beating such an accomplished runner.

Until I was watching the news the other day and noticed she's about 6 months pregnant.

me

I'm normally too lazy to do meme's, but I'm even more lazy to write something else, so I'll do this. Cruel Shoes tagged me.


8 weird things about me

I have brain damage - When I was about 6 years old I was at a basketball game down town. Afterwards I had a foot race with my brother to the car and I ran into a chain link wire that was hanging between two poles. It upended me and I landed on my head. I only got 3 stitches, but I'm fairly certain at least half of my brain leaked out onto the pavement.

I'm a Thanksgiving Nazi - It's not that I particularly enjoy the holiday, I just feel it gets the royal screwover because Christmas season seems to start in mid september these days.

I'm an inventor - My best invention is a tool to convert uppercase letters to lowercase in Word or internets. I haven't actually developed or patented this yet. It's on my Invention To Do list. Along with cars that run on air and the bottomless cup of coffee.

I have six fingers on both hands - We'll, I don't actually have six fingers on both hands, but I know of someone who does.

When I was little I didn't want to be a Policeman or a Fireman or an Astronaut. I wanted to be a blogger. Dreams do come true.

I never make lists of 8. Seven is my limit.

Now I'm supposed to tag 8 other people. The coolest thing I've ever seen with tagging was someone hit the next button and tagged whoever it brought them to. But, I'm much too lazy to go through with that. So, the first 8 people to not comment here are tagged.

Movie Night at the O'Household.

Over the weekend I watched the movie Little Children. It's about cheating spouses and a pedophile. It's a very good movie. If you plan on seeing it and haven't yet you might want to stop reading now as I will give a spoiler.

OK, those of you cool people that have seen it... I don't really have a spoiler. I just wanted to weed out all those losers. How about those douchebags!! Don't you just hate all those people that stopped reading after the first paragraph?!? Man, they missed out on some high quality writing right here! Did you see how I used "write" and "right" back to back? I'm awesome. Unlike those nerds who didn't read this.

So, that's my input on Little Children.

Update

I'm angry at myself because I can't think of anything to write, so I'm going to revisit my New Years Resolutions to give an update on my progresses.

Be cooler. - This was going exactly as planned until yesterday. I accidentally wore heavy corduroy pants and it was 80 degrees outside. I was hot as hell. Not cool at all.

Eat lunch and/or dinner every day. - Failed. On the evening of February 13th I got sick. I didn't eat lunch or dinner until February 16th. I suck.

Drink liquids. Done! I'm drinking water as we speak, bitches!

Get promotion or get a new job by mid-year. - Don't talk to me about this.

Do fun stuff. - Is running fun? Not really. Umm, how about mowing the lawn? Weeding? Mulching? Shaving?

Shower. - Done! 3 weeks ago!

Get haircut. - Done! 2 weeks ago!

Rent movies. - Done! I rented that one with that guy who does that thing then the other guy does other things too.

Blow nose when full of snot. Or pick. - Picked!

Change diapers when full of poop and/or pee (not mine). - Done! Kens makes it very simple to know when she's in need of a change by squatting down and grunting out her poops.

Be Awesome. - Clearly done.

Broad Street Run

Not that anyone really cares...

My day began when I woke up to go to the bathroon at 4:15am. Afraid my alarm wouldn't go off I drifted in and out of sleep for the next hour or so. Eventually got up and out of the house around 5:50am to meet up with my brother. The race starts in North Philly and finishes in South Philly in the Navy Yard next to the Stadium Complex. Runners park at the stadiums and get a free subway ride to the start. Get there, stand in long lines to pee, stretch, and we're off...



(This photo is doctored. That traffic light was red. Those fuckers didn't stop. Buncha cheaters.)

It was a veeerry windy day and it was freezing (about 50ish with a wind chill in the 40's would be my guess) at the start, but once we started moving the weather was not a factor. The wind was at our backs most of the race. I've run a marathon, and I've done 5K-5 milers, but I've never run a mid distance like this. I was hoping to average around 7:18 miles. The first three miles I felt like I was going easy and went out with a 7:07, 7:10, 7:09. Fearing I was going too fast I backed off and did a few miles around 7:22ish. With three miles to go I felt I was going too slow and finished strong with miles of 7:19, 7:17 and 7:15. My final time was 1:13.15, which averages out to 7:19's. Pretty much exactly what I wanted. Some Kenyan dude ran the fastest 10 miles ever on American soil thank to the wind at our backs. A lot of people ran thhier best times ever and I feel like I could have done better. After I finished I felt like I could have done another 3 miles at the same pace. But, for my first 10 miler, I'm pretty happy. I'm about to sign up for the half marathon in September and probably a full one in October or November.

My Lazy Initiative has me trying something new.

I was mugged last night. I was at my boyfriend Michael's house watching Heroes. Michael offered me a ride, but I decided to walk home. I stopped at AWOL for about 10 minutes, then walked to Broad street. I thought a well-lit, highly trafficed area would be safer.

Near the corner of Broad and Parson's three men in their early twenties approached me. One asked for a light for his cigarette. I gave it to them. Then he told me that they had a gun and were going to shoot me if I didn't give them my bag and my wallet. I didn't see a gun, but have always been told not to take chances. I handed the stuff over. Then they told me to "run, faggot, or we'll shoot you." So I did.

I went back to AWOL and called the cops. I've already filed a police report.

They got my bag and my wallet.

In my bag:

Cell Phone.
Cell Phone charger.
Journal.
Fancy pens.
Two books.
Notebook with all my research for the BTW main ritual.
Condoms (cause I'm a good homo, I am.)
The receipt for my cell phone, with which I was going to get the $60 mail-in rebate.
My checkbook.

In my wallet:

A 15 dollar wal-mart gift card.
About 35 dollars in cash.
My brand-new driver's liscense.
My COSI credit card.
My COSI work ID

I wasn't hurt, though. I've gotta remember that.

I was able to give the cops a good description of the muggers. The cops were friendly but not hopeful.

Yesterday was a crap day.

All my phone numbers and contact informations were in the phone and bag. So, if you're someone I routinely talk to, please email me at my work address to let me know your contact info.

Billy don't be a Hiro

Last night I watched this week's episode of Heroes. For those that don't watch it, it took place 5 years in the future and NYC was hit by a bomb and Hiro had the chance to go back in time to prevent it, he just wasn't sure where he needed to go back to. So, that raised a thought in my miniscule brain. If I could go 5 years in the future to see what my life was like with an opportunity to change things, would I? Would you? I know that in 5 years I'm going to be the President of the world. I really don't want to be that because I don't want to spend all that money on the suits I'd have to wear as a person in that position. So, in order to prevent that from happening I have to start being more lazy. Starting now.