Hey There Delima

It appears as if blogger.com has been banned from my work. But, oddly, blogspot.com has not. So, I can read my blog, I can read your blog. I can read all the comments, but only when clicking on the link to the actual post. The pop-up comments are blocked because they are based on the blogger.com url. But, since the blogspot dashboard is blogger.com, I can't post from work.

So, I can't post, can't comment, but I can read. I guess you could say I have read-only access. So, what do I do? I can switch comments to haloscan since they work. But, I still can't post from work. I could switch to another non-blocked domain, but would I lose my precious 889 previous posts? I'd hate to abandon what I worked so hard to... I can't even finish that sentence. No hard work has ever been put into the posts on this blog (minus the porn). What do I do? More importantly, what are you going to do without my awesome, biweekly comments on your blogs? I was totally going to post like 2 comments today on people's blogs, but now I forget them. Trust me, they were hill-air-e-us.

CopyKat

Just over two years ago Kym and I announced we were having a baby. Shortly after that Tom Cruise and that premarital sex having slut Katie Holmes announced they were having a baby just a few weeks before us.

A few months ago I announced I was running a lot and that I was thinking about running a marathon. Just yesterday Katie Holmes ran the New York City Marathon on just a few weeks training.

Are these just coincidences? I think not. Stop reading my blog and trying to be me Katie Holmes!!!!!

On my agenda for 2008, reading a science fiction book and taking over the world using aliens and spaceships. Just try to steal this idea TomKat. I dare you!

Confusion

Can someone explain to me Tila Tequila's success? I mean, she doesn't even have a sex tape does she?

I'm a puss

Sunday was my last really long run before I do the Philadelphia Marathon in less than 3 weeks. I ran 21 miles. The second most I've ever done. It was my first run of 16 or more miles where my knees and toes both didn't bother me. Unfortunately the bottom of my feet did. It felt like I was running on just bones. Today I came up with the idea that it's the old punch-in-the-arm to take away the pain theory. My normal pains weren't there, so something else had to hurt. I bet my feet always hurt but the other things hurt more so I didn't feel it.

The theory goes like this. When I was little and someone fell and hurt their leg, the best way to make them forget about their leg pain was to punch them in the arm. Then their leg wouldn't hurt anymore, their arm would. So, I've decided to make a t-shirt to wear when I run the marathon. It will say "Punch me in the face". So, instead of my knees, toes and feet hurting, my face will hurt every time some punches me in the face. Genius!

Hauntless House at Daycare

Go see Kenslee Mouse

Master of Karate.. and Friendship

Last night was a sad day in my household. I finished watching my It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia DVDs. If you're not watching it you're a loser. Plain and Simple. Granted Philly's an entire city of ugly losers, so you'd fit right in here. It's the best show since Arrested Development. Except when I watched the last AD I knew it was over for good. This amazing show is still on the air. Special thanks to Jacob for showing me the light of day. Jacob is my Day Man.




I don't know what I like most about this clip, the paint all over Charlies face from huffing, Dennis' outfit, the amazing song, the dance at the end, or Charlie's awesome long johns.

It's been 3 years since you looked at me.

Three years ago today I wrote my first blog post. I look back at that young and innocent, unmarried, childless person who decided to write something on the internets and I smile. Little did I know that before long I would be posting pictures of starbursts having sex and toenails being ripped off. I didn't know back then I had such high quality blogging within me. Many have come and gone, but amazingly the first two people who started reading this are still blogging. So, to you two, and the 15 others of you that read, I thank you from the bottom of my selfish, shallow, black heart.

WORST. POST. EVER.

As I've mentioned on here before I've been doing a lot of running lately. On Saturday night I officially signed up to run the Philadelphia Marathon which is a month from tomorrow. The past three weekends I've had long runs of 18 miles, 20 miles, and 16 miles. Four years ago I ran it on 12 weeks training and now that I look back at it, I can't live with the time I ran. I did 4 hours 6 minutes. I know I can do under 3 and a half hours now that I've been running all year.

Anyway, after that 18 miler my big toenail turned black and basically came off the base. The 20 miler didn't help and the 16 miler sealed the deal. It was a goner. I had to pull my toenail off.

This is where this post is going to take a horrible turn for the worse*. I advise the squeamish to just stop reading.



Don't say I didn't warn you.


From left to right - ok nail, black nail, ok nail, black nail, about to be goner, gonna be black nail and gonna be goner eventually, ok nail, gonna be black nail, black nail, ok nail



The nail could easily lift away from the base.


VERY easily.



So I pulled and trimed around the edges.



I did this, but this really makes me ill looking at it.


Goodbye nail! Hope you grow back again sometime!


* Please note that no pain was felt during the making of this blog post.

I'm tired, Mon

I'm burnt out. Last night I was looking through my old posts and realized I used to try to be a witty and happy person, but that's just not happening lately. I'm happy at home, but I always write from work and I'm no longer happy at work. And I wouldn't necessarily say I'm unhappy with my job, it's just that my job no longer allows me the time to think of funny things to write. I need a vacation.

So we booked one. We're going to Jamaica. But it's not until January. Kym had airline miles that needed to be used, so we're going away for 4 nights, without the baby. It's a Catch 22 because basically as soon as we started dating we started going on vacations together and that stopped when we got pregnant. We haven't been away since our honeymoon, so we're very excited. But, can I handle 5 days without seeing my daughter? I'm scared I'll hate it the minute we get there. I feel like bad parents, but to have several days in a row where I get to sleep and relax will really rejuvenate me. But, for the next three months I'll probably just continue to write tired shitty posts.

Today was a Good Day.

Tomorrow morning a project that my group has been working on for about 5 months goes live. It's supposed to eventually save the company something around $500 million. It's crazy. Today was like Christmas Eve. Everybody doing last minute things and basically just anticipating tomorrow. We'll all have coal in our stockings if things go bad, or we'll all have the best GI Joe's and Atari games on the market. (Because that's what was awesome when I used to be like this on Christmas Eve.)

But the best part about today was how much more I fell in love with my daughter. Everyday is more and more, but she was in such a happy mood today that when I dropped her off at daycare I just wanted to go back in and bring her home with me. As I was getting her ready for daycare I was like Chris Rock without the profanity. Every word I said was hilarious to her. She listened to everything I said and just oozed love. It was a great morning. Then after work it was much of the same. Lots of reading books together and just a lot of her being awesome and laughing at my hilarity. She knows a funny dude when she sees him.

Tomorrow at this time I'll probably be on my 14th straight hour of work and hating the world, but today... today was a good day.

7 childhood memories

1. Mad Magazine was my favorite when I was little. My brother kept years and years of them. When he stopped buying them I went into the oldest one he had and tore out the order form and got a year subscription. It was so old that instead of the $5 or whatever for a full year it was something like 50 cents. I thought I was going to get arrested for trying to use an old form, but they accepted it. Suckas!

2. In freshman year of high school my friends and I became obsessed with dunking a basketball. We played everyday and worked on it everyday. By Junior year on a good day I could dunk even though I was only about 5 foot 9 at the time. I wasn't good enough to make the high school team, but that's probably a good thing because I ended up with Swimming scholarships in college.

3. But my crowning achievement in sports was a playoff game walkoff homerun in 8th grade. Earlier in the game I had my first strikeout of the year. It was a tie game in extra innings and my coach agreed to call the game because of darkness if we didn't score after my at-bat. I cranked probably my farthest hit ever at the time over the left fielders head. In a hopefully unrelated tragedy, that kid died a few years later from an asthma attack.

4. My main hangout growing up was a church parking lot up the street from my house. We creatively called it "The Parking Lot." We played every sport imaginable there and in the Pee Hole (a walk down basement entrance where we used to pee rather than walk home) the neighborhood floosy showed me her privates. I was probably 7 and don't think I even looked.

5. When I was 12 and just finished 7th grade I got my first girlfriend. She was 15 and going into junior year. When hanging out watching tv she used to put my hand up her shirt. We "dated" for about a month, but we never even kissed. She dumped me for my older brother, then dumped him for his best friend.

6. In about 5th grade a friend of mine was sleeping over. I slept over his house almost every weekend and he finally agreed to sleep at mine. He was a mommas boy. Me and my older brother got in a fight that night and he ended up smashing my head into the concrete basement floor. My friend cried and went home. Me and my brother bonded by laughing about him being a wimp later that night. A little over two year later after my girlfriend dumped me for my brother we got into another big fight which we were blaming on a whiffleball game or something. I was getting bigger than him and it was the first time I actually beat him in a wrestling/fist fight. That was also the last time we got into a fist fight.

7. One thing that really sticks in my head about my parent's relationship from when I was growing up was that my dad used to smack my mom's butt all the time when she was cooking dinner or whatever. Not in a sexual way, just in a casual way. Which is probably why I do that all the time now too.

The Time has Come!?

It's been a long time in the coming. Longer than it should have been. It should have happened last year, it probably should have happened the year before too. But, finally it has been decided. 3pm est on Wednesday afternoon. Why 3pm est? I don't know. The time sucks, but at least it's finally going to happen. Literally hundreds of Philadelphians will rejoice. Thousands across America have been praying for this day to come. Through the laughter and the tears, we've seen some come, we've seen some go. Higher payrolls than most have ever seen, certainly more than deserved. We've had high hopes, we've held our breath through countless comebacks, but the comebacks didn't always deliver. But Wednesday all is forgiven. We will all be redeemed this Wednesday at 3pm est, 12pm pst, as Brintey hands the kids over to K-Fed.

It's always sunny in Philadelphia

Friday afternoon my dad went on a frenzy to get Phillies tickets for Friday night. He got some off stubhub for him, me, and my two brothers. It was a 7:05 start and the stadium is 28 miles from my work. I left at 5pm and got inside the stadium at the start of the second inning at 7:20. an hour and 45 minute drive and a half hour waiting in line to pick up the tickets. The Phillies dominated, it was awesome and the drive hom took me another hour and 45 minutes. So, I spent 3 and a half hours in the car to watch under 3 hours of baseball. But it was worth every second.

Saturday morning I went for an 18 mile run. My knees, legs, joints and muscles are amazingly not sore. But my big toe nail is about to fall off. It kills and I can barely walk. Why do I do it to myself.

Sunday afternoon 75 year old pitcher Jamie Moyer comes through big and the Phillies make it to the playoffs for the first time in 14 years. For the first time in 14 years I think I might like baseball better than football.... because..

We're not going to talk about the Eagles.

Take 3

For the third year in a row the Phillies are right on the cusp of making the playoffs with one week to go in the year. For the third year in a row I will be spending the last week of September throwing shit at the tv in my basement.

I can't wait

In a few more years I'll love having these same conversations that I heard walking out of the Eagles game today with 5 minutes remaining...

Boy (about 6): Why would they take McNabb out? He's awesome?
Dad: To rest him.
Boy: Why do they want to arrest him?
Girl (about 8): They're going to arrest Donovan Mcnabb?!?!
boy: Why would he get arrested?
Dad: Because he's so good they have to throw him him jail.
boy: Whoa.

I wrote this the other day but didn't post it because it's boring, but I have nothing better to write so I'm posting it now.

The half marathon started at 7:45am in front of the Art Museum. The Rocky Steps. We live about 30 minutes from Philly, so we left our house at 6:15am. It was definitely the earliest I've woken up since... about 2 days before when Kens woke up early. So, rather than drive the ways I know, I decided to follow the directions provided on the website. As did about 10,000 of the 12,000 people that ran it. After sitting in traffic forever we parked and started the mini marathon to the start line. It was 7:41 when I got to my corral with a full bladder and an extreme need for my pre-race shit. Lines to the port-a-potties were ridiculous so I decided to try to hold it. So, I crowded into the starting area and the iMayor started us off. It was so crowded for the first mile I just decided to go at the pace of the crowd rather than expend the energy required to pass people. At mile one my watch told me 7 minutes and 52 seconds. About 7 seconds slower than my low end goal. I picked up my pace slightly and the second mile was 7:29. A bit faster than planned, so I backed off. A 7:42, then 7:38. I settled into that pace when we looped back around the Art Museum, and Kens and Kym! Hi! back to back 7:39's and I feel like I'm expending no energy and need to plan on when I'll start pushing my pace. Only 6 miles in now, so I decide I'll keep the same pace and start pushing around mile 10. After 9 miles I hear someone else express exactly what I was feeling "I can't believe we're almost done already." He's right. I need to start pushing now. So, I quicken my pace, 7:30, 7:20, 7:07, 7:02. In the last 3 miles I was able to pick up my pace so much that I dropped my full race pace from a 7:42 average to a 7:32 average to finish in 1:38.45. I finished not all that tired knowing I could have gone a few minutes faster and pretty confident I can take about 40 minutes off my previous marathon time if I decide to do it...

ENOUGH ALREADY!!!

Yes, Cecily Tynan had her baby (and it was born on my birthday). Can we stop with the searches now!!!

And I won't disappoint the fans... Here's the happy couple:




And here's a pic of the baby:

For Melissa

It was suggested I draw a diagram of my incident the other day, but I thought I'd rather animate it..

I almost got in a fight on my run this morning. I was doing 5 miles with 3 at pace.

(Brad Pitt will be playing the part of Me..)





My pace started at a mile marker right before you cross a road in a townhouse development. As I was approaching the street a cheesy Monte Carlo painted like a wannabe Nascar was coming to a rolling stop. I had a full head of steam, so I kept going. (and as a side note I have 25 runs this year on the same trail and about 22 of them crossed that street and I've never once stopped.)




When I was about 10 yards past the road I hear "HEY ASSHOLE! HOW ABOUT STOPPING?" I turn and Monte had rolled down his window and was yelling at me.


(Corey Feldman circa 1989 will be playing the part of Monte)



I yelled back "You're the one with the stop sign!", He yelled back "Yeah, and I stopped, you didn't!"




I yelled "That's because I don't have a stop sign, you have to stop for me ASSHOLE!"



Then I ran like the wind. Scared at every crossroad for the rest of my run that he would be waiting for me to kick my ass.

Handled just like Rocky would have

I almost got in a fight on my run this morning. I was doing 5 miles with 3 at pace. My pace started at a mile marker right beofore you cross a road in a townhouse development. As I was approaching the street a cheesy Monte Carlo painted like a wannabe Nascar was coming to a rolling stop. I had a full head of steam, so I kept going. (and as a side note I have 25 runs this year on the same trail and about 22 of them crossed that street and I've never once stopped.) When I was about 10 yards past the road I hear "HEY ASSHOLE! HOW ABOUT STOPPING?" I turn and Monte had rolled down his window and was yelling at me. I yellled back "You're the one with the stop sign!", He yelled back "Yeah, and I stopped, you didn't!" I yelled "That's because I don't have a stop sign, you have to stop for me ASSHOLE!" Then I ran like the wind. Scared at every crossroad for the rest of my run that he would be waiting for me to kick my ass.

And I Would Run...

It was a lot less dramatic than I imagined. No parade, no fireworks, no marching bands. No firetrucks, no champagne, not even a high five. I had just finished my 3rd mile of a 12 mile run this morning and nothing happened. I had just finished my 500th mile of the year and nothing happened. No strippers, no cash prizes, no hugs or kisses. I though at least a checkered flag was waved after 500 miles, but I saw nothing. What a bunch of shit.

Try not to be distracted by my amazing technologies

The stands in Atlanta were pretty empty tonight when Ryan Howard hit a home run. This girl didn't even have to stand up to get the ball.



But what do we have here...


I think I see panties!!!

Running Rambling

On June 11th I printed out a 14 week plan to train for the Philadelphia Distance Run (1/2 marathon). I wasn't exactly dedicated, but I completed all of my weekend long runs. 7 miles turned to 8, which turned to 9. The first week of August I decided to switch to a 16 week marathon plan to match up with the Philadelphia marathon in November. The daily run dedication still struggles, but the weekend runs have also kept up. Those 9 milers turned into 10, which turned into 12, which turned into 14, which turned into 16 miles that I ran on Sunday morning. On tap for this weekend is an 18 miler, follwed by the half marathon the weekend after that. I

Which brings me to where I'm torn. Do I really want to run a marathon? Runnign 18 miles the weekend before a half marathon is probably a killer. Spending three hours cleaning out my garage after my run probably didn't help the cause, but I was really hurting getting out of bed the past two mornings. The 16 mile run itself ws great. Ran quicker than planned, didn't truly start feeling pain until the last mile or two. I'm in waaay better shape than I was when I actually ran a marathon 4 years ago. But my next 11 weekends would look like this:

18 miles
Half Marathon
7 miles
16 miles
20 miles
16 miles
7 miles
20 miles
12 miles
8 miles
marathon

That's somewhere in the neighborhood of 163 miles and 22 hours of running. And that doesn't include all the weekday miles. Am I crazy? Probably. But damn it felt good to finish that marathon 4 years ago. And to be able to do it about a half hour faster this time would be pretty cool.

Out of Office

I'm in training all week, so instead of waiting for a post, go join the dance party.

A failed attempt

I just started to do research into all the women that Owen Wilson dated to see how horrible his life must be. But, after I went through one and a half pages of google results I got bored. I only found Kate Hudson, Demi Moore, Gina Gershon, Winona Ryder and Sheryl Crow. Disappointed with this pathetic bunch of D-List celebrities I gave in. I was hoping for something more juicy like a secret love affair with Prince William, or even just regular Prince.

So, then I just started to look into how much money he makes. I couldn't figure that out either. Just that 5 of his last 7 movies made over $200million. Now I know they say money Can't Buy Me Love, but it worked for Ronald Miller.

If I Were You

I would have stopped reading this blog a long time ago.

I've got nothing to talk about. I think it's the weather. 5 straight days of rain is non-conducive to blogging. Unless you get struck by lightning or something cool like that.

So, here's to hoping I get struck by lightning this weekend!

Being single dad is hard!

Just Kidding, it's EASY! Well, easy might not be the right word, but I'm happy to report we'd survive if anything bad ever happened and I had to be a single dad. Assuming of course that I would have a maid, a personal chef, and a landscaper. Then we'd survive. And Kenslee would be a poorly dressed, poorly mannered little girl with bad hair. But, we'd survive!

Being a single mom is easy!

Kym went away yesterday until Thursday night, so I'm on my own with the baby. (I guess she's not so much a baby anymore?) Last night I had a softball game and my mom was nice enough to meet me there with my brother. Sounds easy enough for me, but when taking her somewhere at 6pm you have to remember a sippy cup of water, a sippy cup of milk, diaper bag, sandwich, cheesestick, cherry tomatoes, pajamas, nighttime blanket, toys. done, done, done, done, done, done, done, done, done. Easy. We lost our game, and we're out of the playoffs. She fell asleep on the ride home and I transisitioned her right into bed where she slept until 6:30am. Easy. We got up, she took a bath, she pooped in the bath, I cleaned it up. Easy. We played for a while, I got dressed, we ate, we played, she got dressed, we played, I packed her lunch, we left and I made it into work at my normal time. Easy.




Have you ever seen a little girl so prepared to take on the world?

Dizzy Gillespie

Kym only allowed me to post this if I promised everyone would turn off thier volume. So, turn it off...


hey! it's not off yet...


ok, now check out the moves..

The Presents of a 14 month old

Yesterday I worked from home with Kenslee. As I worked in the office she roamed around the house. Every once in a while she would come in the room, hand me something with a big smile on her face and walk away. I collected them all.

1. Sippy cup of water.
2. PAL Token so I can log into work. I lost it and searched for about 15 minutes. I gave up and had to call in to our help desk so I could connect. As soon as I hung up she pulled it out of thin air.
3. Can of Tomato Sauce. Which meant she got into the pantry.
4. Pieces to something that was not completely put together. I have no idea where she got them from or what they're to.
5. Directions on how to put one of her toys together. Again, no clue where she got that.
6. Magnolia DVD. She's got good taste. And she got into the Entertainment Center.
7. Q-Tips. 10 of them. She got into the bathroom cabinets.

I'm thinking of having a Yard Sale with all my treasures.

It Mundaneity a word?

I'll preface this by saying Kym and I have a great relationship. I love her to death and she loves me to death. We rarely fight. I couldn't live without her and she often tells me how she couldn't survive without me. We complement each other perfectly. I'm the yin to her yang, she's the Scotty Pippen to my Michael Jordan.

So, that leads me to this. I'm a great husband and dad when it comes to most things, but when I do certain, more mundane things I can guarantee I did them wrong. If the waitress takes our drink orders while she's in the bathroom I'm sure to order the wrong thing for her. If I go shopping at Redners, Acme had the better deals. If I go shopping at Acme, Genuardi's had the better deals. If I go shopping at Genuardi's, Superfresh had the better deals. She's pretty much stopped asking me to do most household chores. I always get the details wrong.

So, now... take a close look at the below picture. Try not to be blinded by the flash in the window or the cuteness in the toddler.



Her belt:
a) Does not match
b) Is upside-down
c) Looks fine
d) who cares?
e) Go F yourself

Tell the truth. I can take it. I know you all like her better anyway.

Home

And something not good is going on in life. I've started a new blog because I feel the need to write but I don't want it out there to the whole World Wide Internets. If you care to read it, email me. tim328atcomcastdotnet

PS, Kym, Kenslee and I are all ok.

We interrupt this lack of blogging

For more lack of blogging. Today Kym and I have half days and we're heading to Myrtle Beach. We're stopping at her parents in Va., then starting back up in the middle of the night. All in all, it will be about 10-11 hours in the car. With a 14 month old. Can't wait!!

Pretty Cool

I've mentioned them here before, but not in a while. I have a friend who has natural triplets. Him and his wife had a kid then when he was about 3 months old she got pregnant again. First they were told it was one, then they were told it was twins, then they were told it was triplets. They have four kids within a year of each other. They were actually the hospital's first triplets. Well, check this out...






See that baby in the bottom right corner? That's one of them. Starting this week they take over the role of Spike on All My Children.

Pretty fuckin cool, huh?

Blog worthy weekend

Friday afternoon Kym picked me up and we left for the shore at 4:30. It was the first time in our 5 trips to the shore that we left right after work on Friday. Big mistake. As we sat in dead still traffic 5 miles from my work Kym remembered that she forgot to grab my bag. With traffic dead stopped in the other direction as well our options were this: First, drive the 10 miles - 45 minutes to the next exit of the highway and turn around, which would add about 2 hours to our normal 2 hour drive. Or, I could wear the clothes on my back for the whole weekend. I chose option number two and we continued to the shore.

As I said our normal trip is 2 hours, but we left in the middle of rush hour, so an hour and 45 minutes into the trip we were still in PA. Less than halfway there. I made the executive decision as we were passing by Citizens Bank Park to stop and go try to see the Phillies lose thier 10,000th game. We failed to see the moumental loss as they pulled out the win.

OK, so I wrote the above about 4 hours ago and then got busy.. so I'll recap the rest of the weekend real quick... beach, dinner, beers, drinking games, midnight, bikes, skate park, half pipe, fall, blood, etc.

Blackmail Buster

Did you guys see those racy photos of that total slut Miss New Jersey? I can't believe they're letting her keep her crown after seeing how wild and crazy she is! She's basically a porn star based on those pictures. Heck of a good idea for whoever was blackmailing her.

Her releasing of those photos has inspired me to come forth as well. I know it may effect my position in the blogging world, but I think it's better for me to put them out there rather than have them be released later. This is very difficult for me...


If you've been reading my blog for a while you might remember this picture:



I claimed it was from donating blood. That was a lie. I'm a total drug addict.

Next up, this picture from when I was 5 years old:



I claimed to have hit my head so I was icing it down. In reality I had a nasty hangover.

I look like an innocent baby here...



But I was really hopped up on vicodin and vodka.

And finally this embarassing one...

Yes, I had no pants on.

I hope my releasing of these does not ruin my blog cred.

If a blog falls in the Blogger, does anyone read it?

Today I started to wonder if anyone would still read my blog if I wrote as boring as I feel. Like, if I simply detailed my day with no wit or sarcasm or interestingness. Would anyone still visit my site? Here's an example of today:

Today for the second day in a row Kenslee didn't wake up on her own. We were able to get ready for work before waking her up at around 7:15. Then we changed her and fed her and ate breakfast on our own. Today I ate sushi. Kenslee is driving these days, so she went to daycare on her own while I rode my scooter into work and logged in. I checked to see if the Phillies all sucked in the All Star game last night and they did. I did some work then I took a nap under my desk. I woke up and then I went to the gym. I swam 6 miles and ran 18 miles. I got back to work in under an hour and had a chicken mango salad. Then I started to write this horrible blog post. Then after I posted this I did some work.* Then I went home. There was a free concert in the park by our house planned for tonight so we packed up and got ready to check it out. But, as we walked out the door it started raining. So we went back in the house and played charades. I did the best charade for Kid (Kid from Kid N Play, not like a little kid kind of kid. (Kid is the one with the big hair!)). You should have seen it. Then I went to bed.
* I assume this is how the rest of my day will go.

Back in the sad, sad, saddle

So, I'm back from vacation and you know what I've got for you? Nothing!

Anyone watching Big Brother? It's amazing already. How can reality tv get any better than gay guys accusing each other of being the one that cheated and gave the other gonorrhea? It can't, thats how.

iMayor

Did you guys see all the nerds waiting in line for a new iPhone? I don't really blame them. It sounds awesome, and nerds generally don't have much better to do with thier time than wait in line for nerdy things. But, you know who shouldn't be in line? People that aren't nerds and mayors. Yes, mayors.

The mayor of Philadelphia is currently sitting in the rain, waiting for an iPhone. There's so much wrong with this that I don't know where to begin. First of all, I'm too lazy to look up his salary, but I'm pretty sure he's making a ton of money to sit on his ass and doing nothing outside right now... as compared to sitting on his ass and doing nothing inside. Second, the dude is a crook who has been bugged by the FBI. Are you telling me he can't pull some strings and get one on the down low? Third, does he not have anything better to do with his time, like oh, I don't know, be a mayor of a city who's murder rate is at an all time high? It's ridiculous. It makes me so angry. And jealous. I want one.

Screw AARP, being a Senior sucks.

So, my hangover day started 5 hours after my post when my daughter woke up. We got up and went down to eat. I then logged into work at around 7am and sent an email that I'd be working from home. I got Kens ready for school, took her, then got home and took a nap. Upon waking up I felt 10 times worse than when I was awake the first time. I then sent an email saying I'd be working until noon, then taking the afternoon off. Shortly after logging off for the day I got called and was on a conference call for half the afternoon. Upon hanging up I got called onto another call and sat on that until about 6:30pm. I guess God was punishing me for drinking so much of Satan's sweet nector on a school day.

Sometimes

I'll start drinking and I won't stop. I'll play softball and then drink and keep drinking. Then all of the sudden it's 1:37am and I need to wake up in like 5 hours if I'm lucky. Wow. Tomorrow will be rough. bye.

Not like me

Tonight when I was out for a run... well first of all, I know I'm not exactly cutting edge with this, but I downloaded The Fratelli's album last night and put it on while I ran and it's awesome. Great running music. Anyway, I was running and there were a bunch of kids playing in my neighborhood and it got me thinking of how I really hope my kids aren't like me. Not so much now... I'm an ok guy now (minus the wife beating, alcoholism, and drug habit). But, I was a real dick when I was a kid. My friends and I used to steal beer off people's porches, we used to destroy public property for no reason, we used to just be all around dicks. I'm scared my kids are going to grow up to be assholes. Maybe I'll just keep them locked in the basement. Yeah, I think that will work.

Don't Stop Believing

After my 10 mile race in the begining of May I hit my lazy stride. I cut my running back from 25 miles a week to about 7. I was basically running once a week, 7 miles. After a few weeks of laziness I added another day and got back up to around 10 miles a week. I just find it so hard to run in 90 degree weather and about 217% humidity.

We've been going down the shore for the past three weekends and as much as I love to sit out on the deck and soak in the ocean air with a bottle of wine, I have been getting up and running on the beach or the boardwalk on Saturday mornings. So, I've still been keeping up with my long runs, but I never run fast and I feel completely out of shape.

A few weeks before the 10 miler I looked at upcoming races to try to keep myself motivated over the summer. I eyed up a 5 miler and a 5K, both this past Saturday. I never signed up for either of them and as I finished my second glass of wine on Friday night I told Kym I'd be doing neither. It took a simple "Why? Just do it." and I was convinced. I woke up with the baby at 6:15 and we all packed in the car at 7 and went to run a 5K. Well, I was running, they were watching.

So, I signed up, stretched and lined up at the front of the pack.

And surprisingly, I pretty much stayed there. I had my fastest time ever (20:28 for those that care), finished 15th out of 154, and got a medal for finishing 3rd in the 30-39 age group. I wore it on the beach all weekend and now I have the most awesome 3rd place medal tan you've ever seen.

Maybe getting a promotion wasn't the best thing in the world

I mean, look at how my blog is suffering.

Wedding Crashers

This weekend at the beach Kym's sister's best friend while growing up got married on the beach. We weren't invited, but Kym hasn't seen her sister in 7 months and she wanted to see Kenslee, so we were told to come. It was all very casual, and zen, and Buddha, and the two getting married are both vegans, so it all was very granola, and they were happy to have us.

So, as we arrived Kym's sister was in the street and whisked Kym and Kenslee off to one house while I was told to go to another house with Kym's parents. After an awkward half hour (Kym's parents knew no one either) we all paraded to the beach.



Kenslee was instantly a nightmare, so we had to stand off to the side as to not interrupt.



We had some fun..



..but as the guests of honor were a half hour late, fun turned to crying and right after Kym's sister's friend was walked down the beach by her dad and father-in-law...




Kenslee and I left the beach and missed the whole thing. In most cases I would have been happy with her because weddings are generally boring unless they are you're own. But I wasn't happy, I wanted to see this wedding. It would have been a beautiful sight. Not for the romace of it, but because...

..

..
..

It was two chicks!!!!!



SWEEET! God Bless New Jersey!

semi-new parenting question

104.5 is not a good temperature for a baby to have, right?

The 5 second rule doesn't apply on the beach

In the not too distant past I used to take time out of my day blogging to do some work. Nowadays I look at the clock, see it's 2:30 and realize I really need to blog something or else people will start to think I have herpies or something that's keeping me from writing. So, here it is. Ummmm, so what's new with you? Oh really? Is it contagious? Yeah, not much here. Ummm, I had friday off and went to the good ole Jersey shore. My parents got a shore house for 2 months so they can enjoy some extended time with the kids and grandkids. It was Kenslee's first time on the beach since she was 3 months old.



The air temperature offshore was in the 80's but with the wind coming off the ocean, it was about 60 on the beach and the water was somewhere in the teens I think. Being the good parents we are, we forced her to go in the water for a little. She loved the water and the waves, but it was too cold so that only lasted about 3 minutes. Then we wrapped up and ate some sand.

Update II

Another update on my new years resolutions..

blah, blah, blah...

Get a promotion or new job by midyear - Fucking done. My promotion went through today. I'm no longer a regular douchebag. I'm now a Senior douchebag!

Things heard one year ago to the moment

It's a girl!



Happy B-Day baby girl.

My excuse for not blogging all week...

Ummm, my dog ate my blog?

hmmmm

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Beating Women

Cecily Tynan is a newscaster in Philly. A few years ago, before Alycia Lane hit the airwaves, she was probably condisered the hottest newscaster in the area.

Rewind to my 5 mile race a few weeks ago. There was a girl 10 yards in front of me for most of the race. With about a half mile to go I turned on the jets and passed her. Much to my surprise, while looking at the results, I found out it was the one and only Cecily Tynan that I had passed in the last half mile. I took great pride in that. She was on the cover of Runners World and according to the station she works for "Ms. Tynan is a four-time sub-3 hour marathoner, former world-class professional duathlete and a top ten age group finisher at the 2003 Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii." She's so serious about her running that she dumped her husband for her trainer.

I was very proud of myself for beating such an accomplished runner.

Until I was watching the news the other day and noticed she's about 6 months pregnant.

me

I'm normally too lazy to do meme's, but I'm even more lazy to write something else, so I'll do this. Cruel Shoes tagged me.


8 weird things about me

I have brain damage - When I was about 6 years old I was at a basketball game down town. Afterwards I had a foot race with my brother to the car and I ran into a chain link wire that was hanging between two poles. It upended me and I landed on my head. I only got 3 stitches, but I'm fairly certain at least half of my brain leaked out onto the pavement.

I'm a Thanksgiving Nazi - It's not that I particularly enjoy the holiday, I just feel it gets the royal screwover because Christmas season seems to start in mid september these days.

I'm an inventor - My best invention is a tool to convert uppercase letters to lowercase in Word or internets. I haven't actually developed or patented this yet. It's on my Invention To Do list. Along with cars that run on air and the bottomless cup of coffee.

I have six fingers on both hands - We'll, I don't actually have six fingers on both hands, but I know of someone who does.

When I was little I didn't want to be a Policeman or a Fireman or an Astronaut. I wanted to be a blogger. Dreams do come true.

I never make lists of 8. Seven is my limit.

Now I'm supposed to tag 8 other people. The coolest thing I've ever seen with tagging was someone hit the next button and tagged whoever it brought them to. But, I'm much too lazy to go through with that. So, the first 8 people to not comment here are tagged.

Movie Night at the O'Household.

Over the weekend I watched the movie Little Children. It's about cheating spouses and a pedophile. It's a very good movie. If you plan on seeing it and haven't yet you might want to stop reading now as I will give a spoiler.

OK, those of you cool people that have seen it... I don't really have a spoiler. I just wanted to weed out all those losers. How about those douchebags!! Don't you just hate all those people that stopped reading after the first paragraph?!? Man, they missed out on some high quality writing right here! Did you see how I used "write" and "right" back to back? I'm awesome. Unlike those nerds who didn't read this.

So, that's my input on Little Children.

Update

I'm angry at myself because I can't think of anything to write, so I'm going to revisit my New Years Resolutions to give an update on my progresses.

Be cooler. - This was going exactly as planned until yesterday. I accidentally wore heavy corduroy pants and it was 80 degrees outside. I was hot as hell. Not cool at all.

Eat lunch and/or dinner every day. - Failed. On the evening of February 13th I got sick. I didn't eat lunch or dinner until February 16th. I suck.

Drink liquids. Done! I'm drinking water as we speak, bitches!

Get promotion or get a new job by mid-year. - Don't talk to me about this.

Do fun stuff. - Is running fun? Not really. Umm, how about mowing the lawn? Weeding? Mulching? Shaving?

Shower. - Done! 3 weeks ago!

Get haircut. - Done! 2 weeks ago!

Rent movies. - Done! I rented that one with that guy who does that thing then the other guy does other things too.

Blow nose when full of snot. Or pick. - Picked!

Change diapers when full of poop and/or pee (not mine). - Done! Kens makes it very simple to know when she's in need of a change by squatting down and grunting out her poops.

Be Awesome. - Clearly done.

Broad Street Run

Not that anyone really cares...

My day began when I woke up to go to the bathroon at 4:15am. Afraid my alarm wouldn't go off I drifted in and out of sleep for the next hour or so. Eventually got up and out of the house around 5:50am to meet up with my brother. The race starts in North Philly and finishes in South Philly in the Navy Yard next to the Stadium Complex. Runners park at the stadiums and get a free subway ride to the start. Get there, stand in long lines to pee, stretch, and we're off...



(This photo is doctored. That traffic light was red. Those fuckers didn't stop. Buncha cheaters.)

It was a veeerry windy day and it was freezing (about 50ish with a wind chill in the 40's would be my guess) at the start, but once we started moving the weather was not a factor. The wind was at our backs most of the race. I've run a marathon, and I've done 5K-5 milers, but I've never run a mid distance like this. I was hoping to average around 7:18 miles. The first three miles I felt like I was going easy and went out with a 7:07, 7:10, 7:09. Fearing I was going too fast I backed off and did a few miles around 7:22ish. With three miles to go I felt I was going too slow and finished strong with miles of 7:19, 7:17 and 7:15. My final time was 1:13.15, which averages out to 7:19's. Pretty much exactly what I wanted. Some Kenyan dude ran the fastest 10 miles ever on American soil thank to the wind at our backs. A lot of people ran thhier best times ever and I feel like I could have done better. After I finished I felt like I could have done another 3 miles at the same pace. But, for my first 10 miler, I'm pretty happy. I'm about to sign up for the half marathon in September and probably a full one in October or November.

My Lazy Initiative has me trying something new.

I was mugged last night. I was at my boyfriend Michael's house watching Heroes. Michael offered me a ride, but I decided to walk home. I stopped at AWOL for about 10 minutes, then walked to Broad street. I thought a well-lit, highly trafficed area would be safer.

Near the corner of Broad and Parson's three men in their early twenties approached me. One asked for a light for his cigarette. I gave it to them. Then he told me that they had a gun and were going to shoot me if I didn't give them my bag and my wallet. I didn't see a gun, but have always been told not to take chances. I handed the stuff over. Then they told me to "run, faggot, or we'll shoot you." So I did.

I went back to AWOL and called the cops. I've already filed a police report.

They got my bag and my wallet.

In my bag:

Cell Phone.
Cell Phone charger.
Journal.
Fancy pens.
Two books.
Notebook with all my research for the BTW main ritual.
Condoms (cause I'm a good homo, I am.)
The receipt for my cell phone, with which I was going to get the $60 mail-in rebate.
My checkbook.

In my wallet:

A 15 dollar wal-mart gift card.
About 35 dollars in cash.
My brand-new driver's liscense.
My COSI credit card.
My COSI work ID

I wasn't hurt, though. I've gotta remember that.

I was able to give the cops a good description of the muggers. The cops were friendly but not hopeful.

Yesterday was a crap day.

All my phone numbers and contact informations were in the phone and bag. So, if you're someone I routinely talk to, please email me at my work address to let me know your contact info.

Billy don't be a Hiro

Last night I watched this week's episode of Heroes. For those that don't watch it, it took place 5 years in the future and NYC was hit by a bomb and Hiro had the chance to go back in time to prevent it, he just wasn't sure where he needed to go back to. So, that raised a thought in my miniscule brain. If I could go 5 years in the future to see what my life was like with an opportunity to change things, would I? Would you? I know that in 5 years I'm going to be the President of the world. I really don't want to be that because I don't want to spend all that money on the suits I'd have to wear as a person in that position. So, in order to prevent that from happening I have to start being more lazy. Starting now.

In Lieu

Read about my wonderful parenting skills.

Nips!

It finally happened last night as some of you warned. I got chaffed nipples. (Bring on the web search hits!) On Wednesday's I usually run with a guy I work with and we had 10 miles scheduled. It was pouring rain, but we're both too competitive to back down and we did it anyway. Apparently the fomula for chaffed nipples is a wet shirt and 10 miles. They fucking hurt. I can't imagine what it would be like to breast feed out of these babies.

In other disgusting running news I ripped off a toenail last night. I got new sneakers 9 weeks ago and on my second time out with them I over did it on the treadmill and one toenail turned black. About two weeks ago it started to peel away from the base and I could just feel that horrible toenail monster hanging out under there with all his friend drinking mini beers and picking up one-legged hookers. Last night during Lost I decided to just rip it off. mmmmm.... you gotta love running!

Nothing much

It's time for a new car in the O'Household. We've both got cars that are six years old now. My civic will probably last another 10 years, so Kym's QX4 will be traded in for another SUV which will be kid-friendly. We're thinking a Honda Pilot. What do you think? Any suggestions?

I lost my wedding ring somewhere between my race on Sunday and my softball game on Monday. So, I guess that means I'm single again.

189 miles run Since January 29th. 10 miles after work today. Then just 21 more before my 10 miler next Sunday. Then what? Probably a beer gut.

Five weeks from now Kenslee will be 1. That's just crazy.

Before work this morning I put weed and feed on my lawn. I was considering dedicating an entire post to how much weeds gross me out. But, I couldn't come up with the right words to express my disgust.

One Down

Yesterday I ran in the first of the two races I signed up for. It was a 5 mile race in Valley Forge Park. Valley Forge is a historical park where battles in the revolutionary war took place. It's really hilly and was probably a great place to fight a good old fashioned war with those cannons on wheels and muskets and funny looking hats. It's not a great place to run. It's beautiful, and they never cleaned up the dead bodies, so it's fun to have to jump over those, but hills are tough when you're not used to them. I wanted to lie down and take a nap halfway through the race. But, I didn't. And I finished strong and averaged 7:18 miles and I'm ready for the 10 Miler in two weeks now. The End.

PS. What's with the surge of traffic to my site of people looking for naked pictures of Brad Pitt?

My thoughts

OK, so what happened at VTech on Monday was one of the worst things ever. It was probably one of the most despicable acts coordinated by a single human being ever. Here's my list:

1. Hilter killing all the Jews
2. September 11
3. Jonestown massacre
4. Oklahoma bombing
5. VTech killings
6. "Nappy headed ho's"

My heart and prayers go out to everyone affected by this.

So, here comes my complaint... Can we not remember this by the date? I'm starting to see murmurs of "Remember 4-16-07". Can we not ruin another day of the year by referring to a tragedy simply by the date. I'm sure there are thousands of Americans who were born on September 11th in any year and their birthdays are now ruined. Can we not let this tragedy be known as 4-16? We only have 365 days in a year and 366 on leap years. Can we not have them all referred to by the tragedy that happened that day?

Except February 29th. No one really cares about that day.

A point not well made

So yesterday on the way home from work I stopped at the store and picked up 12 pack of pepsi. Regularly priced at $4.99, I got it on sale for $3.50. After getting home and getting scolded for not getting a good enough sale price I proceeded to have some Lucky Charms for dinner.

I'm upset about the events of yesterday

My wife and I get along pretty well. I'm an average husband and I feel I'm an above average dad. I don't think she has too much to complain about. She's above average at just about everything so I don't have much too complain about either. We never fight.

But yesterday I got angry at her. She worked from home and went grocery shopping at lunch. When she got home she put the cold stuff away and left the rest in the car for me to unload. I had no problem lifting the several cases of water and the 10 other bags of food in the house. But the contents of the last bag struck a nerve. It was two boxes of Lucky Charms. Lucky Charms are definitely in my top 5 favorite cereals, so you'd think I'd be happy about that. But, as I went to put the cereal away I counted. These two boxes brought our running total of cereal boxes to 21. We have TWENTY-ONE boxes of cereal in our panty. For two of us. Disgusted by this gluttony I went to put away the two boxes of brownie mix she bought. And that brought our brownie mix total to 7 boxes. We eat cereal twice a week probably. I don't know that we've made brownies twice since we've been married. But, like a typical female, she can't pass up a good deal. I don't care if they paid her to take this stuff, it's ridiculous.

With dinner every night I like to have a can of Caffeine Free Pepsi. I like to drink one can every single night. I haven't had a can in approximately 4 weeks now because the sale prices have not been good enough. I can't have something I drink everyday, but we have enough brownie mix to last us until we retire. Desperate times call for desperate measures so today I'm going to go to the grocery store and pay full price for a 12 pack of soda. I'm sure the divorce papers will be on the kitchen table in the morning.

Blogger's Block

I think it's a fairly common thing for a blogger to be lying in bed and think of a good post to write the next day. Then, usually they wake up and realize it wasn't a good idea at all. I have so little to write these days that last night I was lying in bed and thought of something to write. But, even in my half awake state I realized it was a horrible topic to write about but I decided I'd write about it anyway.

I forget what that topic was now.

My little carnivore

About a week a ago we took Kenslee to her first steak house.

Where she contemplated eating a steak...


Then went for it...


Just like daddy does it.

Week End

A guy I work with just bought a house and there was a swingset in the backyard he offered to me. So, Saturday morning my father-in-law and I spent 2 hours taking it apart and brought it over to my house. After about 3 hours of putting it back together we realized the wood was warped and not stable enough to last more than another year or two. Anyone want a swingset?

My first week's fantasy baseball score: 336-221. A 115 point victory. The next closest person in the league to me was 97 points behind. I love myself.

Friday night we held a practice Easter Egg Hunt for Kenslee. She learned the ropes then kicked some ass on Sunday.

When I became a dad one of the things I looked forward to was coming home from work and having my daughter run to the door to greet me with a hug. I didn't think it would be happening at 10 months. Now that she's walking she'll spot me across the room and run over to me with her arms outstreched for a big hug. It's the awesomest.

Just like the fountain of youth

Tonight we went to the Trappe. It's the local college bar in my town. It made me feel just like I was 21 again. Just like a 21 year old who's back gets tired after standing for ten minutes, complains about how loud and shitty the band is, then has to leave at 11:00 to get home for the babysitter. I feel so alive!

Fruit

Salad

UGGGH!

Almost 24 hours with a post without commentability. Such torture. Doing that is like pulling all your teeth out before you go the the dentist just to make a joke. Painful and unrewarding. But still amusing.

Comments Welcomed Here!

I've been blogging for two and a half years now. When I started blogging I probably would have quit if a few nice people didn't comment on my first few posts. If I remember correctly, I was even happy when I'd get a commenter trying to get me to win a free ipod or to try to enlarge my penis. Hey, everyone like free ipods and enlarged penii, right?

But, I can definitely understand that some people get sick of the spam comments and either enable comment moderation or make people type in a password. Me? I don't give a shit. I'll like all comments. Good or bad, real or spam, funny or poor attempts at trying to be funny.

So, what I don't understand is people that turn off their comments. Oh, what, are you just writing for yourself? Bullshit. Everyone writes to be read. Everyone wants to hear people laugh or criticize what you say. That's the only reason to blog. I think people, such as Dooce, who don't allow comments are pompous. Jerkoffs. I don't read Redacted as much as I used to because he no longer allows comments. That's just annoying. Right?

It's the testosterone talking

In the words of the great Michael Conti, for the (n)one of you that care, yesterday was the start of the baseball season and the first of many Phillies late leads lost.

It was also the start to my championship fantasy baseball season. If my memory serves me correctly it was the second greatest single day performance in the 5 years I've been playing fantasy baseball. (Second only to the day Randy Johnson pitched a perfect game)

14 teams, head to head format.

C - R. Martin - 0-4
1 - L. Overbay - 2-4, 1B, 2B, RBI, R, BB
2 - O. Hudson - 3-4, 2 1B, 2B, 2 RB1, 2 R
SS - H Ramirez - 4-6, 2 1B, 2 2B, RBI, 4 R, 2 SB
3 - M Cabrera - 3-4, 1B, 2B, HR, 4 RBI, R, 2 BB
OF - P. Burrell - 1-4, 1B, R, BB
OF - A. Dunn - 2-4, 2 HR, 3 RBI, 2 R, BB
OF G. Sizemore - 2-4, 1B, HR, RBI, 3 R, BB
DH A. Kearns - 1-4 1B, R
Angels - 8K, W, S

For a ridiculous bottom line of:

.474 18-38, 9 1B, 5 2B, 4 HR, 12 RBI, 15 R, 2 SB, 6 BB
9 INN, 5 HA, 5 BBI, 8 K, W, S

I'm great!

Do Re MeMe

Since I recently discovered I have complete musical influence over the internet I figured I'd do the latest meme going around.

ne me quitte pas - Regina Spektor - This could be the most headache/Vomit inducing video on youtube. Whoever designed that set should be hung. But, the Ne Me Quitte Pas pool is shallow.



lollipop - Mika - I'm pretty sure that by putting this on here it makes me at least partially gay.



rehab - Amy Winehouse - There were three Winehouse songs I wanted to put on this, but this the performance from Letterman that Kenslee and I watch together at least once a day. It puts the biggest smile on her face every morning.



alfie - Lily Allen - This song comes on about 45 minutes into my running playlist and always peps me up




dashboard - modest mouse -I'd never seen this video until I just searched for it. It like it. It reminds me of my new favorite tv show, Deadiest Catch.



merry happy - Kate Nash - No explanations here. I just like this song.



jenny owen youngs - Fuck Was I - Pure, unadulterated Perez Hilton referral.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I'll write something that isn't all that funny or interesting, but it will end up with 20 comments because I'm simply too lazy to write anything else and that post just sits there for days. I wonder how long I'll have to keep this post up to get 50 comments...

A quick run to Baltimore, now back

Eight weeks ago I printed out a 14 week schedule to train for the Broad Street Run on May 6th. The total mileage on the training plan is 246 miles. In the past 8 weeks I've only missed one run, of 5 miles. Today marks the halfway point. 121 miles down, 120 miles to go. One would assume that when someone runs 121 miles in less than 8 weeks they've probably lost a good deal of weight. In the past 8 weeks I've lost 5 pounds. I lost them all when I got sick and missed that 5 mile run. I never regained all of the 9 pounds I lost when I was sick.

When I ran my first 2 mile run I looked at my schedule ahead and I shook my head and mentally berated myself up for starting something so stupid such as running 246 miles in 14 weeks. Now that I'm halfway there and I'm running 8 and 9 miles at a time, several times a week, I'm feeling better about starting this up. I'm not in too much pain, I feel strong, I feel healthy and I'm looking forward to the next 120 miles. And while I feel great, I'm not losing weight. If you want to feel great, run. If you want to lose weight stick your finger down your throat. I hear bulimia works wonders on the scale.

She's a Wino

About two weeks ago Amy Winehouse was on Letterman. I tivo'd it and was watching it one day when Kenslee was in the room. It mezmorized her more than Elmo does. She'll come from another room to watch Elmo, but loses interest after a few minutes. I can play this song over and over and she never takes her eyes off the tv. It's crazy.



If this works, thanks to Jacob. I never even noticed the "embed code" on youtube.

Two questions and an insincere comment

Question: Can anyone tell me how to imbed a youtube clip into a post?

Question: I turned it on at the last minute... what the hell was wrong with that sobbing little girl on American Idol last night? I was embarrassed for her.

Insincere comment: Am I the only one who doesn't feel bad/sorry/happy for the lost boy scout? For some unexplainable reason he reminds me of the runaway bride.

Boring Post

A week since my last post already? I look back at my old posts and I'd have 10-12 posts a week. Now I'm lucky if I write one. I wish I could say it's because I've been so busy, but it's really just that I'm lazy and uninteresting.

I actually went through a rare depression this weekend. I've been training to run a 10 mile race in May and this weekend I had a 5K scheduled to see where I was at. But on Friday it snowed and the 5K got cancelled. So, I ended up just going running on the treadmill at the gym and I was tired and running 6 miles on a treadmill just blows. Then I ended up running too fast or something and I felt ill for the rest of the day. An Irishman that can't drink on St. Pattys Day is like.... I guess an Irishman that can't drink on St. Patty's Day is as bad as it gets. Sunday, I didn't feel much better and didn't leave the house all day. Monday morning Kenslee woke up with pink eye and that only added to my downward spiral. I worked a halfday from home and midway through the day things started to pick up when I went outside to throw snowballs at a Stop Sign. I'm dead serious that I had fun doing this. I'm like a 12 year old some most times. I later went for a run and felt very good and my depression lifted more. Before Kenslee went to bed last night she took her first steps and that made life a little more awesome. I'm not 100% sure I can call them her first steps though. She was standing and I held out a stuffed animal and she stepped her right foot towards it. Then she stepped her right foot toward it again, then her right foot again. She looked like she had her left foot nailed to the ground and just walked a half circle. It was funny and awesome and she'll probably be running around the house in a week or two. And today I downloaded Modest Mouse's new cd before I came into work and I'm listening to it now and life is good again. If you've made it this far I'm sorry for boring you.

You're Fhired

I'm the only programmer for the portion of the project I work on. We're hiring someone to join me so today I'll be interviewing someone for the first time in my life. He's got stuff on his resume dated back to 1982, when I was 7. This means he's old. Old people smell, so I'm glad it's a phone interview. I've been struggling with coming up with some questions that will give me a good idea if he and I will work well together. Like if he can juggle, or how much beer he can drink, or if he has a blog and if it's any good. I'm actually kinda nervous for this because I don't want to agree to hire someone I don't jive well with. While I am glad I don't have to smell him it would be easier if he were in the office because then we could have a good old fashioned arm wrestling match to decide if he's worthy. Wish me luck!

Don't be jealous I got to go to the Dentist yesterday.

That's right, I got to go to the dentist yesterday and you didn't! Every six months I get excited as my dentist day approaches. I usually start a countdown. 5 days, 4 days, 3 days, 2 days, dentist day! Glorious, wonderful dentist day. I always hope that I'll have some cavities, but I never do. I'm thinking I should stop brushing so I end up getting to go to the dentist 3 or 4 times a year instead of only 2. Why do I enjoy the dentist so much you ask? Free massages. My dentist is like a spa dentist or something. Tranquil music, free chair massages, heated scented neck warmers while your teeth are worked on. It's totally like a day at the spa without the manicure, pedicure, or facial. Plus there's a little more scraping, bleeding and pain than the normal spa day. But, it's all worth it for that free 5 minute chair massage. 179 days until my next dentist day!!!

One child's left behind

When Titso was pregnant we took one of those stupid tests and the results came back positive and that meant there was a higher chance of downs syndrome or retardation or some other defect in the baby. We went for follow up tests which told us the original results were wrong and the baby was ok. Even though we were told she would be fine I was still scared when she was born. She came out looking normal and acting normal. The only defect was that she had a butt dimple. A little indent above her butt. The doctors told us it would fill in as she gained weight and it has. Now it looks only like her butt crack curves very slightly at the top.

Even though she seemed normal at birth I still look for signs that something's wrong with her. Can she see ok? Can she hear ok? Does she have all her motor skills. All of those seem ok. She seems to be a perfectly healthy baby. Except I've noticed more and more that a major physical defect is coming out. She's left-handed. If she were a boy, that would be awesome and I'd start training him now to be the Phillies #1 starting pitcher in 2030. But, a left handed girl is only one step above a retarded* girl. In fact, not a single good person throughout history has ever been left handed. Proof:

Joan of Arc – burned at the stake
Julius Caesar – stabbed in the back
Prince Charles/William - gay
Fidel Castro - dicktator
Henry Ford – too lazy to walk
Helen Keller – a woman
John F. Kennedy, Jr. – bad pilot
Richard Simmons - annoying
Jack-the-Ripper – good killer
Jimi Hendrix – died on own vomit
Seal - ugly
Michelangelo/Raphael/Leonardo – mutant turtles
George Burns - old
Tom Cruise - crazy
Fran Drescher - stupid
Kermit the Frog – not even a real person
Angelina Jolie - crazy
Howie Mandel – annoying obsessive compulsive
Joe Piscopo - pedophile
Keanu Reeves – bad actor
Oprah Winfrey - annoying


* No offense...

Two posts in a row about the Sarah Silverman Program

And also about the absolute worst show ever, "Are you smarter than a 5th grader?" I fast forwarded through the whole show in about 30 seconds. Jeff Foxworthy is not only one of the worst comedians in the world, but the absolute worst game show host. And these "5th graders"??!?? They're actors!!! "5th grader Laura":



Is Laura Marano who plays the motherless girl from last week's Sarah Silverman program who Sarah trains to win a beauty pageant:



If this show (Are you...) is still on the air next week I'm quitting my blog in protest.

My life is sooooo exciting.

Don't you get sick of coming to my blog and not seeing an update? I know I do.

Heroes is now officially better than Lost.

The Sarah Silverman Program is in the top 3 sitcoms on tv. (The Office, 30 Rock, TSSP)

I have to go to bowling league for Kym tonight. Tonight will be about the 5th time I go for her this bowling season (sept-now). My average is around 160, which is up 30 pins from last year, which makes no sense because I only bowl once a month. I do watch it on tv sometimes though, so I guess that's how I got better. Kinda like how I got really good in bed by watching porn.

A few weeks ago my bloglines account lost all the links I had. I was annoyed and not about to fix it. I still go back every few days to see if it self corrected. I know all the blogs I read are still on my sidebar, but I'm too lazy to click them to see if they're updated. If you've update since around Halloween time, let me know. I'll try to read your blog before Easter. Unless you don't celebrate Easter. Then you're going to burn in hell so I can't like your blog anyway.

Always the Bridesmaid

Last night there was a meeting to discuss how a deadly chemical, TCE, is in the air where we live. Yesterday there were news crews all over our neighborhood trying to get interviews and filming shots of the homes that will soon contain nothing but dead bodies. You can watch one of those reports here. I don't normally watch the Fox news, but the Fox did make my neighborhood look prettier than the local ABC affiliate did. I watched every local channel's coverage and on one I saw my neighbor's house up the street, on the other was my neighbor's house down the street. On this one they went into a neighbor two blocks down's house. Everyone around me was getting the attention. But my house is on none of the stories. I'm disappointed to say the least. Not so much about the fact that I'll be dead of cancer any day now, but it really would have been worth it if I got on the news and got to thank The Good Lord Above, God Almighty like all the rappers do when they're on tv. The rappers and my neighbors are so lucky.

I should be on the Maury Show or something

Last monday I got on the scale in my bathroom and it read 187.5. Tuesday after lunch I got sick and not a single piece of food entered my mouth until Thursday morning. And that came right back out. I still hadn't gotten my full appetite back when I felt good enough to go to the gym on Sunday. I ran 7 miles (nice!) and got on the scale. I weighed 178.5. I lost 9 pounds last week just by being sick then not eating much then exercising. 9 pounds! Do you realize how much weight that is?!? Here's some other things that weigh 9 pounds. Imagine dropping one of these out of your body:
- A bowling ball (one of those gay pink ones)
- A gallon of milk (plus a .38 pound weight)
- 1632 post-1982 pennies
- A big ass 9 pound baby.
- Two normal 4.5 pound twin babies
- 9 - 1 pound premature nintuplet babies.

So, basically I gave birth to 9 babies last week. And I'm up and running around this week!!! Some moms are such wimps.

Valenhog's Day

At lunch on Tuesday Kym and I went out to grab something to eat and her car broke down. $1000 to fix. I borrowed a coworkers car and drove home to get mine. Tuesday afternoon when it started snowing the baby's daycare called and said they'd be closing at 4. By 3:00 I knew something wasn't right with my stomach and I started nagging Kym to get out of there. By 5:15 on Tuesday night I got into bed and I've barely gotten out since. I've never taken two consecutive days off because of sickness until now. Kym hasn't either and she's on day three today because the baby is still sick. Our house is the like the sick ward at the Sick Person's Hospital for the Sick. It sicks big time.

V-Day

I've figured out what to do for Valentines this year. They're calling for 6-9 inches of snow Tuesday into Wednesday. So, what I'm going to do is get it to snow only in front of our house and in the shape of a giant heart. Here's what a google map of my neighborhood will look like on Wednesday. Genius!

edited!!

I'm not even going to bother trying

I know I can't top last year's Valentine's day, so I've decide to just pretend I'm sick and not get out of bed for the next week.

Motivation

At my Christmas lunch three of my coworkers and I made a pact to get in shape and run four races together this year. A 5 miler in April, The Broad Street Run (10 miles) in May, a half marathon in September, and a 10 mile trail run (which involves running through a calf-deep creek 3 times) at the park next to my house in October.

We were all drinking so I assumed it was all talk. As it turns out, it looks like everyone was serious. So, I had to get serious too. I printed out a traning schedule last week and I ran 5 miles at lunch today (to total 18 miles in the past 8 days). I have no point to this post other than to just write it because when I actually tell people I'm going to do something I force myself to do them. Like that time I walked across the country. on my hands.

Nerd

Even though I'm really busy at work and barely post anymore, somehow tonight I managed to post my 100th post on the baby blog. And this post right here? It's my 800th post on this blog. Pretty coincidental they're both landmark blogs. And they both suck.

It's my 800th, I should make it awesome. I can't wait until I think of something awesome to write right here.

Wing Bowl III

15 years ago Philly got sick of the Eagles not making it to the playoffs, so in order to create excitement in Philly around the Super Bowl they started the Wing Bowl. A bunch of fat guys eat as many wings as possible in a short amount of time. It's disgusting. Last year's winner ate 173 wings. The have to qualify by eating other disgusting stuff. Such as 3 pounds of baked beans in 1 minute, a 2 foot hoagie in 5 minutes, or 100 shrimp in 5 minutes. The tickets all go to charity and they sell all 20,000 of them in about 10 minutes.

My work started it's own Wing Bowl 3 years ago. It was this morning at 11:30. The contestants only eat 10 wing (hot) as fast as they can. Two guys tied at 1 minutes and 5 seconds. Pretty impressive. They had a Wing-off with 4 more wings and the same muther-fer has now won 3 years in a row. Total Wing Bowl whore he is.