Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Why I haven't posted in 8 days...

I just started a new blog post but it sucked so I deleted it. Rinse, repeat.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Computers are useless

When I went back to school to get my computer science degree I took a Database class. We did a project where the final result was stating what we thought would be more successful in terms of booksales, actual Barnes and Noble bookstores, or (Looking back, I have no idea what this had to do with learning Database.) It was when Amazon first came out and everyone was an internet millionare and everyone was sucking's hypothetical cock. I was the only person in the class who thought the actual bookstores would continue to exist. Everyone else in the class predicted Barnes and Noble would be out of business in 3 years. They also predicted amazon would invent teleportation and GM would go out of business by now too.

Well, I have no idea who was right. I think there's still Barnes and Nobles, but I can't say I've been to one in a long time. I do know there are still real life bookstores and the internet is for nerds. Everyone was so excited about the quote/unquote "Internet" back then, and everyone thought quote/unquote "Computers" were the future.

And we all know everyone was wrong about computers. Computers can't solve everything. Computers suck when it comes to trying to draw a turkey from the outline of your hand.

happy thanksgiving to all you Americans. To all you Canadians and English people, Shalom or whatever.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Masterpiece Theaters

Friday night we went to the local Pub, ate dinner, then rented a movie. Got home, put the baby to bed* and sat back to watch the first masterpiece of the weekend. John Tucker Must Die. When you put the JTMD dvd in you are prompted for "Theatrical Version" or "Unrated Version". I wonder if in the history of men anyone who has ever been presented this choice has chosen Theatrical Version. Being a bad comedy I knew that the choice was actually "Theatrical Version" or "Theatrical version with one added scene of completely unnecessary nudity". My wife fell asleep within 10 minutes and I toughed it out waiting for the boob shot. 90 minutes later, there were no boobs and no curse words that I can remember. Worst Unrated Version ever. On my A to Z scale of movie grading I give it somewhere between a U and a V.

Saturday was much of the same. This time it was The Break Up. I heard Jennifer Aniston showed her booty in this movie, so I knew I wouldn't be let down. (Yes, nudity is the only reason to rent comedies these days). But, of course I was disappointed with only a blurry image of what may or may not have been her ass. I actually giggled once or twice during this movie. I give it a K+.
Sunday I went to the worst football game ever.

This week. Only 3 days! Does anyone know if there's nudity in Accepted? I figure there has to be.

*I don't think I have mentioned this yet. The baby started talking last week. She's saying "Dad". Well, "Da." And she seems to have a 3 "Da" per week limit. She said it 3 times last Sunday, then not again until saying it 3 times yesterday morning. I dare you not to tear up a little when your daughter says "Da" for the first time. Bet you a dollar you can't do it.

Edit! The Daily Dump is Back! You see all you quitters. It's ok to come back!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006


My wife was in a car accident on her way to work yesterday. She's ok. Just a little sore today. She was driving down a road going about 35 mph when the car in front of her slammed on his breaks and hit the car in front of him, which was stopped waiting for someone to turn, and Kym hit him. According to the police report, the guy claims he didn't hit the car in front of him... that he was pushed into the car in front of him when Kym hit him. I left work when Kym called me and went to pick her up because the car wasn't driveable. By the time I got there the tow truck guys had cut a piece of the bumper off to make the car driveable. I gave her my car and I took hers to a shop to be looked at. They declared it undriveable and gave me a $6700 estimate. I have no idea how things will work out with the other cars because of the disputing accounts of what happened. The disputing accounts of what happened made me instantly hate the other guy. Of course I believe my wife, so I have to hate the other guy for lying about it. I'll never know exactly what happened, but I do know that his truck had to be towed and they let Kym drive off. His rear was fine, so how could the front be messed up worse that the car that hit him if he supposedly was only pushed into the car in front of him? He was just leaving the scene as I got there and his wife showed up a few minutes later looking for him. I hated them both. It's amazing how after the inital finding out that everyone's ok my emotions turned to anger. And I'm not an angry person. You motherfuckers.

In funnier news, I wrote a story on my baby blog.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Worst day at work ever

Access to this web page is restricted at this time.

Reason: The Websense category "Sports" is filtered.

It's only a matter of time now before that url reads

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Three and a half hours

What is "The amount of sleep Tim got last night?"

**** detailed update***

Yes, I got 3 and a half hours of sleep and I blame it on the baby, though it's partially my fault. I work Wednesday nights as a dealer in a private poker game. I brought the baby to my moms and we both spent the night there. I fed her and got her ready for bed and left as my mom was putting her to bed at 8. I got home from dealing at midnight and, like an idiot, I had to watch Lost. So, I finally fell asleep around 1:15 and was awoken a half hour later. Up for 45 minutes with her, then back to sleep. Up for good at 5:40. So, I dropped her off at daycare and I went home to work from there because I'm like a zombie. About a half hour after I posted this I figured out a problem at work that I've been working on for two and a half straight days. My lack of sleep is a total non-factor now because I'm so happy I solved that issue. And I can't wait to pick her up from daycare to play with her.

And the pudding on top of the cherry on top of the cake that I will have and eat too is that I just pulled chicken out of the fridge to make a pesto chicken sandwhich for dinner tonight. Score!

Monday, November 06, 2006

Bumps in the night

Last night we put the baby to bed around 8 and settled in for some TV. About 20 minutes later we heard some rumbling around coming from upstairs. A few minutes later we heard it again. We checked the baby monitor and she was still sleeping, but it sounded like the noise was coming from in her room. And so began the opening scene to every 80's horror movie made.

Kym asked me to go check it out, so being the stud that I am, I hopped right up to investigate. But, I had to grab a weapon first. I looked around the room and grabbed what I thought would do the most damage to the alleged baby stealer who was really bad and kinda just making a lot of noise. So, I grabbed a piece of firewood. I knew the big pieces would be too difficult to maneuver like a light saber to do the most damage, so I grabbed a smaller piece. Actually, I grabbed a piece of kindling. And when I grabbed it I gave myself the tiniest little splinter. I screeched like a little girl and wanted to sit back down and sulk. But, my baby was in danger, so I headed off. My smarter wife stopped me and told me it might be a little more wise to use a metal fireplace tool rather than give the kidnapper a few splinters. I knew I married her for a reason.

I grabbed the poker thingy and headed off. As I ascended the stairs I started thinking to myself, "What would I really do if some big murderer guy jumped out at me?" I'd freeze. I'd scream. I'd cry. I'd make a feeble attempt at a swing and I'd run. I'd run and I'd run and I'd still be running right now. Unless he touched my baby. Then I'd fuck his shit up. So, I kept that in mind as I approached the door. The door to the room was closed. I knew there would be a confrontation. We never close the door. Inches from the door I paused. I said a little prayer, I opened the door, I closed my eyes, and I started swinging. Sharp fireplace poker flying madly in the dark. But, alas, I didn't hit anything. The source of all the noise was slightly shorter than where I was swinging.

Kym leaves for Kansas first thing tomorrow morning. Me and the baby and the cat and the fireplace tools alone for a week. Wish me luck.