Thursday, May 31, 2007

Update II

Another update on my new years resolutions..

blah, blah, blah...

Get a promotion or new job by midyear - Fucking done. My promotion went through today. I'm no longer a regular douchebag. I'm now a Senior douchebag!

Monday, May 21, 2007


Apparently a lot of people want to know about Cecily Tynan's pregnancy.

And one of my dad's friends blowjob.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Beating Women

Cecily Tynan is a newscaster in Philly. A few years ago, before Alycia Lane hit the airwaves, she was probably condisered the hottest newscaster in the area.

Rewind to my 5 mile race a few weeks ago. There was a girl 10 yards in front of me for most of the race. With about a half mile to go I turned on the jets and passed her. Much to my surprise, while looking at the results, I found out it was the one and only Cecily Tynan that I had passed in the last half mile. I took great pride in that. She was on the cover of Runners World and according to the station she works for "Ms. Tynan is a four-time sub-3 hour marathoner, former world-class professional duathlete and a top ten age group finisher at the 2003 Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii." She's so serious about her running that she dumped her husband for her trainer.

I was very proud of myself for beating such an accomplished runner.

Until I was watching the news the other day and noticed she's about 6 months pregnant.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007


I'm normally too lazy to do meme's, but I'm even more lazy to write something else, so I'll do this. Cruel Shoes tagged me.

8 weird things about me

I have brain damage - When I was about 6 years old I was at a basketball game down town. Afterwards I had a foot race with my brother to the car and I ran into a chain link wire that was hanging between two poles. It upended me and I landed on my head. I only got 3 stitches, but I'm fairly certain at least half of my brain leaked out onto the pavement.

I'm a Thanksgiving Nazi - It's not that I particularly enjoy the holiday, I just feel it gets the royal screwover because Christmas season seems to start in mid september these days.

I'm an inventor - My best invention is a tool to convert uppercase letters to lowercase in Word or internets. I haven't actually developed or patented this yet. It's on my Invention To Do list. Along with cars that run on air and the bottomless cup of coffee.

I have six fingers on both hands - We'll, I don't actually have six fingers on both hands, but I know of someone who does.

When I was little I didn't want to be a Policeman or a Fireman or an Astronaut. I wanted to be a blogger. Dreams do come true.

I never make lists of 8. Seven is my limit.

Now I'm supposed to tag 8 other people. The coolest thing I've ever seen with tagging was someone hit the next button and tagged whoever it brought them to. But, I'm much too lazy to go through with that. So, the first 8 people to not comment here are tagged.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Movie Night at the O'Household.

Over the weekend I watched the movie Little Children. It's about cheating spouses and a pedophile. It's a very good movie. If you plan on seeing it and haven't yet you might want to stop reading now as I will give a spoiler.

OK, those of you cool people that have seen it... I don't really have a spoiler. I just wanted to weed out all those losers. How about those douchebags!! Don't you just hate all those people that stopped reading after the first paragraph?!? Man, they missed out on some high quality writing right here! Did you see how I used "write" and "right" back to back? I'm awesome. Unlike those nerds who didn't read this.

So, that's my input on Little Children.

Thursday, May 10, 2007


I'm angry at myself because I can't think of anything to write, so I'm going to revisit my New Years Resolutions to give an update on my progresses.

Be cooler. - This was going exactly as planned until yesterday. I accidentally wore heavy corduroy pants and it was 80 degrees outside. I was hot as hell. Not cool at all.

Eat lunch and/or dinner every day.
- Failed. On the evening of February 13th I got sick. I didn't eat lunch or dinner until February 16th. I suck.

Drink liquids. Done! I'm drinking water as we speak, bitches!

Get promotion or get a new job by mid-year. - Don't talk to me about this.

Do fun stuff. - Is running fun? Not really. Umm, how about mowing the lawn? Weeding? Mulching? Shaving?

Shower. - Done! 3 weeks ago!

Get haircut. - Done! 2 weeks ago!

Rent movies. - Done! I rented that one with that guy who does that thing then the other guy does other things too.

Blow nose when full of snot. Or pick. - Picked!

Change diapers when full of poop and/or pee (not mine). - Done! Kens makes it very simple to know when she's in need of a change by squatting down and grunting out her poops.

Be Awesome. - Clearly done.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Broad Street Run

Not that anyone really cares...

My day began when I woke up to go to the bathroon at 4:15am. Afraid my alarm wouldn't go off I drifted in and out of sleep for the next hour or so. Eventually got up and out of the house around 5:50am to meet up with my brother. The race starts in North Philly and finishes in South Philly in the Navy Yard next to the Stadium Complex. Runners park at the stadiums and get a free subway ride to the start. Get there, stand in long lines to pee, stretch, and we're off...

(This photo is doctored. That traffic light was red. Those fuckers didn't stop. Buncha cheaters.)

It was a veeerry windy day and it was freezing (about 50ish with a wind chill in the 40's would be my guess) at the start, but once we started moving the weather was not a factor. The wind was at our backs most of the race. I've run a marathon, and I've done 5K-5 milers, but I've never run a mid distance like this. I was hoping to average around 7:18 miles. The first three miles I felt like I was going easy and went out with a 7:07, 7:10, 7:09. Fearing I was going too fast I backed off and did a few miles around 7:22ish. With three miles to go I felt I was going too slow and finished strong with miles of 7:19, 7:17 and 7:15. My final time was 1:13.15, which averages out to 7:19's. Pretty much exactly what I wanted. Some Kenyan dude ran the fastest 10 miles ever on American soil thank to the wind at our backs. A lot of people ran thhier best times ever and I feel like I could have done better. After I finished I felt like I could have done another 3 miles at the same pace. But, for my first 10 miler, I'm pretty happy. I'm about to sign up for the half marathon in September and probably a full one in October or November.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

My Lazy Initiative has me trying something new.

I was mugged last night. I was at my boyfriend Michael's house watching Heroes. Michael offered me a ride, but I decided to walk home. I stopped at AWOL for about 10 minutes, then walked to Broad street. I thought a well-lit, highly trafficed area would be safer.

Near the corner of Broad and Parson's three men in their early twenties approached me. One asked for a light for his cigarette. I gave it to them. Then he told me that they had a gun and were going to shoot me if I didn't give them my bag and my wallet. I didn't see a gun, but have always been told not to take chances. I handed the stuff over. Then they told me to "run, faggot, or we'll shoot you." So I did.

I went back to AWOL and called the cops. I've already filed a police report.

They got my bag and my wallet.

In my bag:

Cell Phone.
Cell Phone charger.
Fancy pens.
Two books.
Notebook with all my research for the BTW main ritual.
Condoms (cause I'm a good homo, I am.)
The receipt for my cell phone, with which I was going to get the $60 mail-in rebate.
My checkbook.

In my wallet:

A 15 dollar wal-mart gift card.
About 35 dollars in cash.
My brand-new driver's liscense.
My COSI credit card.
My COSI work ID

I wasn't hurt, though. I've gotta remember that.

I was able to give the cops a good description of the muggers. The cops were friendly but not hopeful.

Yesterday was a crap day.

All my phone numbers and contact informations were in the phone and bag. So, if you're someone I routinely talk to, please email me at my work address to let me know your contact info.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Billy don't be a Hiro

Last night I watched this week's episode of Heroes. For those that don't watch it, it took place 5 years in the future and NYC was hit by a bomb and Hiro had the chance to go back in time to prevent it, he just wasn't sure where he needed to go back to. So, that raised a thought in my miniscule brain. If I could go 5 years in the future to see what my life was like with an opportunity to change things, would I? Would you? I know that in 5 years I'm going to be the President of the world. I really don't want to be that because I don't want to spend all that money on the suits I'd have to wear as a person in that position. So, in order to prevent that from happening I have to start being more lazy. Starting now.