Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Sunday, December 23, 2007


For the past month or so Kym and I have been looking to buy a car. Yesterday we were determined to finish our annoying search and make a deal. After deciding on the car we went to the dealer. They gave us a price way too high, we gave them a price way too low. They budged, we budged, they were done budging at a price still way too high so two hours after arriving, we left. I called a car dealer friend, who made some calls and told us where to go and who to talk to. We walked in the dealer, they appraised our trade in, and gave us just over what we expected. I told them it was a deal if they threw in roof rails. They agreed. 20 minutes after arriving, we made a deal. One month and 6 dealerships later, we made a deal in 20 minutes. Why does everything about car shopping have to be so annoying?

Our new car Mazda CX-9 in Black Cherry:

Thursday, December 13, 2007


OK, So I'm looking for suggestions here. Last year for Christmas I made a video of a bunch of pictures and videos cut together to music for my parents. IT had three song, To Love Somebody (remake of a Janis Joplin song by I'm not sure who, but it was on a cd Melissa sent after Kens was born), Tiny Dancer (remake by Ben Folds), and Santa Claus is Coming To Town by Bruce Springsteen. So, I'm going to make another video for my dad this year, but I'm struggling to come up with songs. They have to be cool, but something my parents can somewhat relate to. As of right now the video has Bright Eye's First Day of My Life and Al Albert's On The Way To Cape May (for beach pics). But I think Bright Eyes is too current and un-relatable to my parents. So, can you think of any cool songs, that could relate to my 60 year old parents, that are good songs to put to pictures of my beautiful daughter. Old songs redone by someone current seemed to be a theme last year. Anyway, I attempted to post the video from last year, but it's too long. Oh well.

PS, Dear everybody except for basically Leezer and naynay, I can't get to from work, so I can't leave comments. I read, but can't comment. Sorry. MAybe my at-home laziness will stop someday and I'll write the awesome comments I think of when I first read from work.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Tears? Really??

I love this heartwarming story about a 5 year old that shot and killed a bear.(Unfortunately it wasn't Bear Grylls, that lying prick).

The highlight of the story is this:
Reporter: "What did you think when you found out your 5 year-old grandson killed this enormous black bear?"
Grandfather: "Tears rolled down my cheeks" (of joy for those that didn't watch it)

It's the same answer as a few other grandfathers of famous people in history...
Connecticut, 1746:
Reporter: "What did you think when you found out your 5 year-old grandson, Benedict, cheated on his first test?"
Grandfather: "Tears rolled down my cheeks"

Germany 1894:
Reporter: "What did you think when you found out your 5 year-old grandson, Adolf, killed his first Jew?"
Grandfather: "Tears rolled down my cheeks"

China 1898:
Reporter: "What did you think when you found out your 5 year-old grandson, Mao Zedong, killed his first million people?"
Grandfather: "Tears rolled down my cheeks"

Los Angeles 2010:

Reporter: "What did you think when you found out your 5 and 4 year-old grandsons, Sean Preston and Jayden James, started drinking and doing drugs?"
Grandfather: "Tears rolled down my cheeks"

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

My Personal legend (with a small l)

Leezer wrote a good post about Personal Legends (go read it because this post won't be as good as that) and how they don't necessarily need to be something huge that you do, but they could be something smaller. Something happens where you chose a certain path which will reshape the path you were on.

I didn't hook up with the hottest girl at my college. That's my personal legend. Pretty awesome huh?

And here's my story behind it…. For my first month of college I was set to get completely out of control. I just wanted to get drunk every night and hook up with every girl I met. I was on the path to pathetic. So, I was starting to like one girl in particular, but didn't really want to get into a relationship or anything. After a few weeks of flirting we ended up kissing on a Thursday night. The next night I was at a party and went home with the hottest girl in my college. We got back to her room, and when we got there I said "Uh, I can't do this." and I left. I went back to the party, went home with the other girl, and went home with her every night for the next three and a half years.

We broke up before I graduated, but those three and a half years are really what put me on the straight and narrow. I became a better person, I worked harder than I would have in classes and everything in life. She pushed me to be successful and to get good summer jobs, which got me my job after graduation, which led me to the job I have now, which led me to Kym, which led me to Kenslee.

So, basically I owe everything to not hooking up with the hottest girl in my college. If I would have let my penis talk for me I'd probably be in a gutter somewhere right now. Or maybe I'd be the President. But, I wouldn't want to be that either, so I guess I made the right move.

Friday, November 30, 2007

One Love?

With our next child due in a mere 27 weeks I've started to get scared. I'm scared for the sleepless nights and jealous older sister. I'm scared I won't have the patience I had with Kenslee because it won't be new anymore. I'm scared of a lot of things, but one of the biggest scares I have is love. Before we had Kenslee I knew I would love her. I fell in love with her before she was ever born and I fall more and more in love with her everyday. My heart is so full of love I honesty don't know how I'll love anyone as much as I love her. Parents out there with more than one kid, I'd love to hear if you had this same fear and how you can love all your children the same. I'm scared to death I will play favorites and one of them will end up resenting me.

Anyway, to give a visual of my love, I drew some pictures.

First, here's my heart before Kenslee:

As you can see I still had room for love in my heart.

So, when Kenslee was born, she took up all that space:

In fact you may notice she caused some of my love for the Eagles and Phillies to shrink. Oddly, Pizza got bigger.

So, here's what I fear when we have another child:

My heart will explode. The next child will take up too much space, causing things to shift, and eventually my heart will start to leak. There will Pizza and Eagles and Blogging all over the place. It's not going to be pretty.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

SS 2: Super Sperm Strikes Again!

Yep, my super sperm has proved it's dominance over unfertilized eggs once again. Kym is currently 12 weeks into the pregnancy, so we felt it's now officially ok to spread the word. We told our parents over the holiday weekend.

Over the past few months Kym has been doing natural family planning and we were extra careful on the danger days. About 6-8 months ago we started discussing when the best time would be to start trying to have the next baby. Now? In a few months? In a few years? Never was usually the conclusion. We looove our sleep and we knew that having another baby would take away from that precious time we have. And since Kenslee is now sleeping through the night, why change a good thing?

But, we want more kids so we looked at the immediate future. Kym didn't want to get pregnant as soon as she started her new job, so we waited a few months. Then we looked again. We have an annual vacation to Myrtle Beach at the end of July, so selfishly, we wanted to plan around that. Either the baby would have to be a few weeks old at that point, or the pregnancy would have to be at an early stage. As things worked out we gave ourselves one shot. (Cue Eminem's Lose Yourself:

Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

When opportunity knocks, my super sperm answers. That one shot we gave it was September 11th. We said we'd try once, when it didn't work out, we'd wait until early 2008 and try again. My SS is no joke. About a week later Kym started feeling sick, and hasn't stopped since.

1st public photo:

Kym has been writing since we found out...

The past few weeks
9 Weeks
11 Weeks
Sequential Screening

Sunday, November 18, 2007

Die Hard: With a Vengence

I ran the Philadelphia Marathon this morning (aren't you glad this will probably be my last running post of the year!?!). I finished in 3 hours and 38 minutes. The official times still aren't up, so I'm not certain of my exact time. This is about 28 minutes faster than my last marathon and about 8 minutes slower than I wanted to do. But, I guess I can live with that.

I started the day following the 3:30 pace group, and I totally blame the pacer for making me go 8 minutes slower than planned. A 3:30 marathon averages out to 8:01 per mile. The first mile was 8:35, then the guy must have felt like he had something to prove after that. Almost every mile for the next 17 that I stayed with him was well under the 8:01 pace. 18 miles into the race I was a goner. My plan changed from under 3:30, to under 3:35, to under 3:40, to finishing, to not dropping dead. When I ran the marathon 4 years ago I prided myself in not walking to whole time. I walked about 6 times between miles 21 and 25 today. And when I stopped running to walk my head would spin. I couldn't see straight. If I would have sat down I probably would have passed out. But, when I started back running the spinning would stop, but the overall pain did not. My knees, feet, toes, shoulder didn't hurt... nothing in specific hurt, everything hurt. At mile 9 Speedy Gonzalez had us go a 7:27 mile, mile 25 was a 10:04 when I walked twice, thought about jumping in the river to end it all, then prodded through.

All in all, I'm happy I did it, I'm happy I beat my old time by 28 minutes, but most of all I'm happy it's over. 1/2 marathons are fine, but if I ever say I'm running another marathon, someone please point me to this post and talk me out of it.

Pictures of the massacre:

Mile 8. Going fast, but just about the time I started getting hungry. Getting hungry 8 miles into a marathon? Not a good thing.

Mile 14. Still hanging in there. Less than a mile from the hill that did me in.

Mile 26.1. You can see the pain oozing from my pores.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

How annoying is that Disclaimer?

> But until I'm unlazy enough to move my blog, it's staying.
> I really having nothing to write about today. Less than 5 days until
> I run my marathon. 750 miles run on the year. And that might all be
> wasted because I feel like shit. My former award winning immune
> system, which has lost a step in the past few years, is doing it's
> best to fight off a sickness. I'm trying to do everything I can to
> help fight off the sickness: Drinking lots of water and orange juice,
> taking vitamins, and looking at lots of pron. Let's hope it works out
> for me.
The contents of this message, together with any attachments, are
intended only for the use of the person(s) to which they are
addressed and may contain confidential and/or privileged
information. Further, any medical information herein is
confidential and protected by law. It is unlawful for unauthorized
persons to use, review, copy, disclose, or disseminate confidential
medical information. If you are not the intended recipient,
immediately advise the sender and delete this message and any
attachments. Any distribution, or copying of this message, or any
attachment, is prohibited.

Monday, November 12, 2007


> When I say I comment biweekly does that mean I comment twice a week or
> once every two weeks? I always had a hard time with good bi's.
The contents of this message, together with any attachments, are
intended only for the use of the person(s) to which they are
addressed and may contain confidential and/or privileged
information. Further, any medical information herein is
confidential and protected by law. It is unlawful for unauthorized
persons to use, review, copy, disclose, or disseminate confidential
medical information. If you are not the intended recipient,
immediately advise the sender and delete this message and any
attachments. Any distribution, or copying of this message, or any
attachment, is prohibited.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

This is just a test

I’m testing the “post from email” option within blogger.  I’ll probably end up switching to a new site, but I’m way too lazy for that right now.  So, I’m testing my workarounds until my work realizes what a mistake it was to block blogger.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Hey There Delima

It appears as if has been banned from my work. But, oddly, has not. So, I can read my blog, I can read your blog. I can read all the comments, but only when clicking on the link to the actual post. The pop-up comments are blocked because they are based on the url. But, since the blogspot dashboard is, I can't post from work.

So, I can't post, can't comment, but I can read. I guess you could say I have read-only access. So, what do I do? I can switch comments to haloscan since they work. But, I still can't post from work. I could switch to another non-blocked domain, but would I lose my precious 889 previous posts? I'd hate to abandon what I worked so hard to... I can't even finish that sentence. No hard work has ever been put into the posts on this blog (minus the porn). What do I do? More importantly, what are you going to do without my awesome, biweekly comments on your blogs? I was totally going to post like 2 comments today on people's blogs, but now I forget them. Trust me, they were hill-air-e-us.

Monday, November 05, 2007


Just over two years ago Kym and I announced we were having a baby. Shortly after that Tom Cruise and that premarital sex having slut Katie Holmes announced they were having a baby just a few weeks before us.

A few months ago I announced I was running a lot and that I was thinking about running a marathon. Just yesterday Katie Holmes ran the New York City Marathon on just a few weeks training.

Are these just coincidences? I think not. Stop reading my blog and trying to be me Katie Holmes!!!!!

On my agenda for 2008, reading a science fiction book and taking over the world using aliens and spaceships. Just try to steal this idea TomKat. I dare you!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007


Can someone explain to me Tila Tequila's success? I mean, she doesn't even have a sex tape does she?

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

I'm a puss

Sunday was my last really long run before I do the Philadelphia Marathon in less than 3 weeks. I ran 21 miles. The second most I've ever done. It was my first run of 16 or more miles where my knees and toes both didn't bother me. Unfortunately the bottom of my feet did. It felt like I was running on just bones. Today I came up with the idea that it's the old punch-in-the-arm to take away the pain theory. My normal pains weren't there, so something else had to hurt. I bet my feet always hurt but the other things hurt more so I didn't feel it.

The theory goes like this. When I was little and someone fell and hurt their leg, the best way to make them forget about their leg pain was to punch them in the arm. Then their leg wouldn't hurt anymore, their arm would. So, I've decided to make a t-shirt to wear when I run the marathon. It will say "Punch me in the face". So, instead of my knees, toes and feet hurting, my face will hurt every time some punches me in the face. Genius!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Master of Karate.. and Friendship

Last night was a sad day in my household. I finished watching my It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia DVDs. If you're not watching it you're a loser. Plain and Simple. Granted Philly's an entire city of ugly losers, so you'd fit right in here. It's the best show since Arrested Development. Except when I watched the last AD I knew it was over for good. This amazing show is still on the air. Special thanks to Jacob for showing me the light of day. Jacob is my Day Man.

I don't know what I like most about this clip, the paint all over Charlies face from huffing, Dennis' outfit, the amazing song, the dance at the end, or Charlie's awesome long johns.

Monday, October 22, 2007

It's been 3 years since you looked at me.

Three years ago today I wrote my first blog post. I look back at that young and innocent, unmarried, childless person who decided to write something on the internets and I smile. Little did I know that before long I would be posting pictures of starbursts having sex and toenails being ripped off. I didn't know back then I had such high quality blogging within me. Many have come and gone, but amazingly the first two people who started reading this are still blogging. So, to you two, and the 15 others of you that read, I thank you from the bottom of my selfish, shallow, black heart.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007


As I've mentioned on here before I've been doing a lot of running lately. On Saturday night I officially signed up to run the Philadelphia Marathon which is a month from tomorrow. The past three weekends I've had long runs of 18 miles, 20 miles, and 16 miles. Four years ago I ran it on 12 weeks training and now that I look back at it, I can't live with the time I ran. I did 4 hours 6 minutes. I know I can do under 3 and a half hours now that I've been running all year.

Anyway, after that 18 miler my big toenail turned black and basically came off the base. The 20 miler didn't help and the 16 miler sealed the deal. It was a goner. I had to pull my toenail off.

This is where this post is going to take a horrible turn for the worse*. I advise the squeamish to just stop reading.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

From left to right - ok nail, black nail, ok nail, black nail, about to be goner, gonna be black nail and gonna be goner eventually, ok nail, gonna be black nail, black nail, ok nail

The nail could easily lift away from the base.

VERY easily.

So I pulled and trimed around the edges.

I did this, but this really makes me ill looking at it.

Goodbye nail! Hope you grow back again sometime!

* Please note that no pain was felt during the making of this blog post.

I'm tired, Mon

I'm burnt out. Last night I was looking through my old posts and realized I used to try to be a witty and happy person, but that's just not happening lately. I'm happy at home, but I always write from work and I'm no longer happy at work. And I wouldn't necessarily say I'm unhappy with my job, it's just that my job no longer allows me the time to think of funny things to write. I need a vacation.

So we booked one. We're going to Jamaica. But it's not until January. Kym had airline miles that needed to be used, so we're going away for 4 nights, without the baby. It's a Catch 22 because basically as soon as we started dating we started going on vacations together and that stopped when we got pregnant. We haven't been away since our honeymoon, so we're very excited. But, can I handle 5 days without seeing my daughter? I'm scared I'll hate it the minute we get there. I feel like bad parents, but to have several days in a row where I get to sleep and relax will really rejuvenate me. But, for the next three months I'll probably just continue to write tired shitty posts.

Friday, October 12, 2007

Today was a Good Day.

Tomorrow morning a project that my group has been working on for about 5 months goes live. It's supposed to eventually save the company something around $500 million. It's crazy. Today was like Christmas Eve. Everybody doing last minute things and basically just anticipating tomorrow. We'll all have coal in our stockings if things go bad, or we'll all have the best GI Joe's and Atari games on the market. (Because that's what was awesome when I used to be like this on Christmas Eve.)

But the best part about today was how much more I fell in love with my daughter. Everyday is more and more, but she was in such a happy mood today that when I dropped her off at daycare I just wanted to go back in and bring her home with me. As I was getting her ready for daycare I was like Chris Rock without the profanity. Every word I said was hilarious to her. She listened to everything I said and just oozed love. It was a great morning. Then after work it was much of the same. Lots of reading books together and just a lot of her being awesome and laughing at my hilarity. She knows a funny dude when she sees him.

Tomorrow at this time I'll probably be on my 14th straight hour of work and hating the world, but today... today was a good day.

Friday, October 05, 2007

7 childhood memories

1. Mad Magazine was my favorite when I was little. My brother kept years and years of them. When he stopped buying them I went into the oldest one he had and tore out the order form and got a year subscription. It was so old that instead of the $5 or whatever for a full year it was something like 50 cents. I thought I was going to get arrested for trying to use an old form, but they accepted it. Suckas!

2. In freshman year of high school my friends and I became obsessed with dunking a basketball. We played everyday and worked on it everyday. By Junior year on a good day I could dunk even though I was only about 5 foot 9 at the time. I wasn't good enough to make the high school team, but that's probably a good thing because I ended up with Swimming scholarships in college.

3. But my crowning achievement in sports was a playoff game walkoff homerun in 8th grade. Earlier in the game I had my first strikeout of the year. It was a tie game in extra innings and my coach agreed to call the game because of darkness if we didn't score after my at-bat. I cranked probably my farthest hit ever at the time over the left fielders head. In a hopefully unrelated tragedy, that kid died a few years later from an asthma attack.

4. My main hangout growing up was a church parking lot up the street from my house. We creatively called it "The Parking Lot." We played every sport imaginable there and in the Pee Hole (a walk down basement entrance where we used to pee rather than walk home) the neighborhood floosy showed me her privates. I was probably 7 and don't think I even looked.

5. When I was 12 and just finished 7th grade I got my first girlfriend. She was 15 and going into junior year. When hanging out watching tv she used to put my hand up her shirt. We "dated" for about a month, but we never even kissed. She dumped me for my older brother, then dumped him for his best friend.

6. In about 5th grade a friend of mine was sleeping over. I slept over his house almost every weekend and he finally agreed to sleep at mine. He was a mommas boy. Me and my older brother got in a fight that night and he ended up smashing my head into the concrete basement floor. My friend cried and went home. Me and my brother bonded by laughing about him being a wimp later that night. A little over two year later after my girlfriend dumped me for my brother we got into another big fight which we were blaming on a whiffleball game or something. I was getting bigger than him and it was the first time I actually beat him in a wrestling/fist fight. That was also the last time we got into a fist fight.

7. One thing that really sticks in my head about my parent's relationship from when I was growing up was that my dad used to smack my mom's butt all the time when she was cooking dinner or whatever. Not in a sexual way, just in a casual way. Which is probably why I do that all the time now too.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

The Time has Come!?

It's been a long time in the coming. Longer than it should have been. It should have happened last year, it probably should have happened the year before too. But, finally it has been decided. 3pm est on Wednesday afternoon. Why 3pm est? I don't know. The time sucks, but at least it's finally going to happen. Literally hundreds of Philadelphians will rejoice. Thousands across America have been praying for this day to come. Through the laughter and the tears, we've seen some come, we've seen some go. Higher payrolls than most have ever seen, certainly more than deserved. We've had high hopes, we've held our breath through countless comebacks, but the comebacks didn't always deliver. But Wednesday all is forgiven. We will all be redeemed this Wednesday at 3pm est, 12pm pst, as Brintey hands the kids over to K-Fed.

Monday, October 01, 2007

It's always sunny in Philadelphia

Friday afternoon my dad went on a frenzy to get Phillies tickets for Friday night. He got some off stubhub for him, me, and my two brothers. It was a 7:05 start and the stadium is 28 miles from my work. I left at 5pm and got inside the stadium at the start of the second inning at 7:20. an hour and 45 minute drive and a half hour waiting in line to pick up the tickets. The Phillies dominated, it was awesome and the drive hom took me another hour and 45 minutes. So, I spent 3 and a half hours in the car to watch under 3 hours of baseball. But it was worth every second.

Saturday morning I went for an 18 mile run. My knees, legs, joints and muscles are amazingly not sore. But my big toe nail is about to fall off. It kills and I can barely walk. Why do I do it to myself.

Sunday afternoon 75 year old pitcher Jamie Moyer comes through big and the Phillies make it to the playoffs for the first time in 14 years. For the first time in 14 years I think I might like baseball better than football.... because..

We're not going to talk about the Eagles.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Take 3

For the third year in a row the Phillies are right on the cusp of making the playoffs with one week to go in the year. For the third year in a row I will be spending the last week of September throwing shit at the tv in my basement.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

I can't wait

In a few more years I'll love having these same conversations that I heard walking out of the Eagles game today with 5 minutes remaining...

Boy (about 6): Why would they take McNabb out? He's awesome?
Dad: To rest him.
Boy: Why do they want to arrest him?
Girl (about 8): They're going to arrest Donovan Mcnabb?!?!
boy: Why would he get arrested?
Dad: Because he's so good they have to throw him him jail.
boy: Whoa.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

I wrote this the other day but didn't post it because it's boring, but I have nothing better to write so I'm posting it now.

The half marathon started at 7:45am in front of the Art Museum. The Rocky Steps. We live about 30 minutes from Philly, so we left our house at 6:15am. It was definitely the earliest I've woken up since... about 2 days before when Kens woke up early. So, rather than drive the ways I know, I decided to follow the directions provided on the website. As did about 10,000 of the 12,000 people that ran it. After sitting in traffic forever we parked and started the mini marathon to the start line. It was 7:41 when I got to my corral with a full bladder and an extreme need for my pre-race shit. Lines to the port-a-potties were ridiculous so I decided to try to hold it. So, I crowded into the starting area and the iMayor started us off. It was so crowded for the first mile I just decided to go at the pace of the crowd rather than expend the energy required to pass people. At mile one my watch told me 7 minutes and 52 seconds. About 7 seconds slower than my low end goal. I picked up my pace slightly and the second mile was 7:29. A bit faster than planned, so I backed off. A 7:42, then 7:38. I settled into that pace when we looped back around the Art Museum, and Kens and Kym! Hi! back to back 7:39's and I feel like I'm expending no energy and need to plan on when I'll start pushing my pace. Only 6 miles in now, so I decide I'll keep the same pace and start pushing around mile 10. After 9 miles I hear someone else express exactly what I was feeling "I can't believe we're almost done already." He's right. I need to start pushing now. So, I quicken my pace, 7:30, 7:20, 7:07, 7:02. In the last 3 miles I was able to pick up my pace so much that I dropped my full race pace from a 7:42 average to a 7:32 average to finish in 1:38.45. I finished not all that tired knowing I could have gone a few minutes faster and pretty confident I can take about 40 minutes off my previous marathon time if I decide to do it...

Wednesday, September 19, 2007


Yes, Cecily Tynan had her baby (and it was born on my birthday). Can we stop with the searches now!!!

And I won't disappoint the fans... Here's the happy couple:

And here's a pic of the baby:

Saturday, September 15, 2007

For Melissa

It was suggested I draw a diagram of my incident the other day, but I thought I'd rather animate it..

I almost got in a fight on my run this morning. I was doing 5 miles with 3 at pace.

(Brad Pitt will be playing the part of Me..)

My pace started at a mile marker right before you cross a road in a townhouse development. As I was approaching the street a cheesy Monte Carlo painted like a wannabe Nascar was coming to a rolling stop. I had a full head of steam, so I kept going. (and as a side note I have 25 runs this year on the same trail and about 22 of them crossed that street and I've never once stopped.)

When I was about 10 yards past the road I hear "HEY ASSHOLE! HOW ABOUT STOPPING?" I turn and Monte had rolled down his window and was yelling at me.

(Corey Feldman circa 1989 will be playing the part of Monte)

I yelled back "You're the one with the stop sign!", He yelled back "Yeah, and I stopped, you didn't!"

I yelled "That's because I don't have a stop sign, you have to stop for me ASSHOLE!"

Then I ran like the wind. Scared at every crossroad for the rest of my run that he would be waiting for me to kick my ass.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Handled just like Rocky would have

I almost got in a fight on my run this morning. I was doing 5 miles with 3 at pace. My pace started at a mile marker right beofore you cross a road in a townhouse development. As I was approaching the street a cheesy Monte Carlo painted like a wannabe Nascar was coming to a rolling stop. I had a full head of steam, so I kept going. (and as a side note I have 25 runs this year on the same trail and about 22 of them crossed that street and I've never once stopped.) When I was about 10 yards past the road I hear "HEY ASSHOLE! HOW ABOUT STOPPING?" I turn and Monte had rolled down his window and was yelling at me. I yellled back "You're the one with the stop sign!", He yelled back "Yeah, and I stopped, you didn't!" I yelled "That's because I don't have a stop sign, you have to stop for me ASSHOLE!" Then I ran like the wind. Scared at every crossroad for the rest of my run that he would be waiting for me to kick my ass.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

And I Would Run...

It was a lot less dramatic than I imagined. No parade, no fireworks, no marching bands. No firetrucks, no champagne, not even a high five. I had just finished my 3rd mile of a 12 mile run this morning and nothing happened. I had just finished my 500th mile of the year and nothing happened. No strippers, no cash prizes, no hugs or kisses. I though at least a checkered flag was waved after 500 miles, but I saw nothing. What a bunch of shit.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Try not to be distracted by my amazing technologies

The stands in Atlanta were pretty empty tonight when Ryan Howard hit a home run. This girl didn't even have to stand up to get the ball.

But what do we have here...

I think I see panties!!!

Running Rambling

On June 11th I printed out a 14 week plan to train for the Philadelphia Distance Run (1/2 marathon). I wasn't exactly dedicated, but I completed all of my weekend long runs. 7 miles turned to 8, which turned to 9. The first week of August I decided to switch to a 16 week marathon plan to match up with the Philadelphia marathon in November. The daily run dedication still struggles, but the weekend runs have also kept up. Those 9 milers turned into 10, which turned into 12, which turned into 14, which turned into 16 miles that I ran on Sunday morning. On tap for this weekend is an 18 miler, follwed by the half marathon the weekend after that. I

Which brings me to where I'm torn. Do I really want to run a marathon? Runnign 18 miles the weekend before a half marathon is probably a killer. Spending three hours cleaning out my garage after my run probably didn't help the cause, but I was really hurting getting out of bed the past two mornings. The 16 mile run itself ws great. Ran quicker than planned, didn't truly start feeling pain until the last mile or two. I'm in waaay better shape than I was when I actually ran a marathon 4 years ago. But my next 11 weekends would look like this:

18 miles
Half Marathon
7 miles
16 miles
20 miles
16 miles
7 miles
20 miles
12 miles
8 miles

That's somewhere in the neighborhood of 163 miles and 22 hours of running. And that doesn't include all the weekday miles. Am I crazy? Probably. But damn it felt good to finish that marathon 4 years ago. And to be able to do it about a half hour faster this time would be pretty cool.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Out of Office

I'm in training all week, so instead of waiting for a post, go join the dance party.

Monday, August 27, 2007

A failed attempt

I just started to do research into all the women that Owen Wilson dated to see how horrible his life must be. But, after I went through one and a half pages of google results I got bored. I only found Kate Hudson, Demi Moore, Gina Gershon, Winona Ryder and Sheryl Crow. Disappointed with this pathetic bunch of D-List celebrities I gave in. I was hoping for something more juicy like a secret love affair with Prince William, or even just regular Prince.

So, then I just started to look into how much money he makes. I couldn't figure that out either. Just that 5 of his last 7 movies made over $200million. Now I know they say money Can't Buy Me Love, but it worked for Ronald Miller.

Friday, August 24, 2007

If I Were You

I would have stopped reading this blog a long time ago.

I've got nothing to talk about. I think it's the weather. 5 straight days of rain is non-conducive to blogging. Unless you get struck by lightning or something cool like that.

So, here's to hoping I get struck by lightning this weekend!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Being single dad is hard!

Just Kidding, it's EASY! Well, easy might not be the right word, but I'm happy to report we'd survive if anything bad ever happened and I had to be a single dad. Assuming of course that I would have a maid, a personal chef, and a landscaper. Then we'd survive. And Kenslee would be a poorly dressed, poorly mannered little girl with bad hair. But, we'd survive!

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Being a single mom is easy!

Kym went away yesterday until Thursday night, so I'm on my own with the baby. (I guess she's not so much a baby anymore?) Last night I had a softball game and my mom was nice enough to meet me there with my brother. Sounds easy enough for me, but when taking her somewhere at 6pm you have to remember a sippy cup of water, a sippy cup of milk, diaper bag, sandwich, cheesestick, cherry tomatoes, pajamas, nighttime blanket, toys. done, done, done, done, done, done, done, done, done. Easy. We lost our game, and we're out of the playoffs. She fell asleep on the ride home and I transisitioned her right into bed where she slept until 6:30am. Easy. We got up, she took a bath, she pooped in the bath, I cleaned it up. Easy. We played for a while, I got dressed, we ate, we played, she got dressed, we played, I packed her lunch, we left and I made it into work at my normal time. Easy.

Have you ever seen a little girl so prepared to take on the world?

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Dizzy Gillespie

Kym only allowed me to post this if I promised everyone would turn off thier volume. So, turn it off...

hey! it's not off yet...

ok, now check out the moves..

Thursday, August 02, 2007

The Presents of a 14 month old

Yesterday I worked from home with Kenslee. As I worked in the office she roamed around the house. Every once in a while she would come in the room, hand me something with a big smile on her face and walk away. I collected them all.

1. Sippy cup of water.
2. PAL Token so I can log into work. I lost it and searched for about 15 minutes. I gave up and had to call in to our help desk so I could connect. As soon as I hung up she pulled it out of thin air.
3. Can of Tomato Sauce. Which meant she got into the pantry.
4. Pieces to something that was not completely put together. I have no idea where she got them from or what they're to.
5. Directions on how to put one of her toys together. Again, no clue where she got that.
6. Magnolia DVD. She's got good taste. And she got into the Entertainment Center.
7. Q-Tips. 10 of them. She got into the bathroom cabinets.

I'm thinking of having a Yard Sale with all my treasures.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

It Mundaneity a word?

I'll preface this by saying Kym and I have a great relationship. I love her to death and she loves me to death. We rarely fight. I couldn't live without her and she often tells me how she couldn't survive without me. We complement each other perfectly. I'm the yin to her yang, she's the Scotty Pippen to my Michael Jordan.

So, that leads me to this. I'm a great husband and dad when it comes to most things, but when I do certain, more mundane things I can guarantee I did them wrong. If the waitress takes our drink orders while she's in the bathroom I'm sure to order the wrong thing for her. If I go shopping at Redners, Acme had the better deals. If I go shopping at Acme, Genuardi's had the better deals. If I go shopping at Genuardi's, Superfresh had the better deals. She's pretty much stopped asking me to do most household chores. I always get the details wrong.

So, now... take a close look at the below picture. Try not to be blinded by the flash in the window or the cuteness in the toddler.

Her belt:
a) Does not match
b) Is upside-down
c) Looks fine
d) who cares?
e) Go F yourself

Tell the truth. I can take it. I know you all like her better anyway.

Sunday, July 29, 2007


And something not good is going on in life. I've started a new blog because I feel the need to write but I don't want it out there to the whole World Wide Internets. If you care to read it, email me. tim328atcomcastdotnet

PS, Kym, Kenslee and I are all ok.

Friday, July 20, 2007

We interrupt this lack of blogging

For more lack of blogging. Today Kym and I have half days and we're heading to Myrtle Beach. We're stopping at her parents in Va., then starting back up in the middle of the night. All in all, it will be about 10-11 hours in the car. With a 14 month old. Can't wait!!

Monday, July 16, 2007

Pretty Cool

I've mentioned them here before, but not in a while. I have a friend who has natural triplets. Him and his wife had a kid then when he was about 3 months old she got pregnant again. First they were told it was one, then they were told it was twins, then they were told it was triplets. They have four kids within a year of each other. They were actually the hospital's first triplets. Well, check this out...

See that baby in the bottom right corner? That's one of them. Starting this week they take over the role of Spike on All My Children.

Pretty fuckin cool, huh?

Blog worthy weekend

Friday afternoon Kym picked me up and we left for the shore at 4:30. It was the first time in our 5 trips to the shore that we left right after work on Friday. Big mistake. As we sat in dead still traffic 5 miles from my work Kym remembered that she forgot to grab my bag. With traffic dead stopped in the other direction as well our options were this: First, drive the 10 miles - 45 minutes to the next exit of the highway and turn around, which would add about 2 hours to our normal 2 hour drive. Or, I could wear the clothes on my back for the whole weekend. I chose option number two and we continued to the shore.

As I said our normal trip is 2 hours, but we left in the middle of rush hour, so an hour and 45 minutes into the trip we were still in PA. Less than halfway there. I made the executive decision as we were passing by Citizens Bank Park to stop and go try to see the Phillies lose thier 10,000th game. We failed to see the moumental loss as they pulled out the win.

OK, so I wrote the above about 4 hours ago and then got busy.. so I'll recap the rest of the weekend real quick... beach, dinner, beers, drinking games, midnight, bikes, skate park, half pipe, fall, blood, etc.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Blackmail Buster

Did you guys see those racy photos of that total slut Miss New Jersey? I can't believe they're letting her keep her crown after seeing how wild and crazy she is! She's basically a porn star based on those pictures. Heck of a good idea for whoever was blackmailing her.

Her releasing of those photos has inspired me to come forth as well. I know it may effect my position in the blogging world, but I think it's better for me to put them out there rather than have them be released later. This is very difficult for me...

If you've been reading my blog for a while you might remember this picture:

I claimed it was from donating blood. That was a lie. I'm a total drug addict.

Next up, this picture from when I was 5 years old:

I claimed to have hit my head so I was icing it down. In reality I had a nasty hangover.

I look like an innocent baby here...

But I was really hopped up on vicodin and vodka.

And finally this embarassing one...

Yes, I had no pants on.

I hope my releasing of these does not ruin my blog cred.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

If a blog falls in the Blogger, does anyone read it?

Today I started to wonder if anyone would still read my blog if I wrote as boring as I feel. Like, if I simply detailed my day with no wit or sarcasm or interestingness. Would anyone still visit my site? Here's an example of today:

Today for the second day in a row Kenslee didn't wake up on her own. We were able to get ready for work before waking her up at around 7:15. Then we changed her and fed her and ate breakfast on our own. Today I ate sushi. Kenslee is driving these days, so she went to daycare on her own while I rode my scooter into work and logged in. I checked to see if the Phillies all sucked in the All Star game last night and they did. I did some work then I took a nap under my desk. I woke up and then I went to the gym. I swam 6 miles and ran 18 miles. I got back to work in under an hour and had a chicken mango salad. Then I started to write this horrible blog post. Then after I posted this I did some work.* Then I went home. There was a free concert in the park by our house planned for tonight so we packed up and got ready to check it out. But, as we walked out the door it started raining. So we went back in the house and played charades. I did the best charade for Kid (Kid from Kid N Play, not like a little kid kind of kid. (Kid is the one with the big hair!)). You should have seen it. Then I went to bed.
* I assume this is how the rest of my day will go.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Back in the sad, sad, saddle

So, I'm back from vacation and you know what I've got for you? Nothing!

Anyone watching Big Brother? It's amazing already. How can reality tv get any better than gay guys accusing each other of being the one that cheated and gave the other gonorrhea? It can't, thats how.

Friday, June 29, 2007


Did you guys see all the nerds waiting in line for a new iPhone? I don't really blame them. It sounds awesome, and nerds generally don't have much better to do with thier time than wait in line for nerdy things. But, you know who shouldn't be in line? People that aren't nerds and mayors. Yes, mayors.

The mayor of Philadelphia is currently sitting in the rain, waiting for an iPhone. There's so much wrong with this that I don't know where to begin. First of all, I'm too lazy to look up his salary, but I'm pretty sure he's making a ton of money to sit on his ass and doing nothing outside right now... as compared to sitting on his ass and doing nothing inside. Second, the dude is a crook who has been bugged by the FBI. Are you telling me he can't pull some strings and get one on the down low? Third, does he not have anything better to do with his time, like oh, I don't know, be a mayor of a city who's murder rate is at an all time high? It's ridiculous. It makes me so angry. And jealous. I want one.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Screw AARP, being a Senior sucks.

So, my hangover day started 5 hours after my post when my daughter woke up. We got up and went down to eat. I then logged into work at around 7am and sent an email that I'd be working from home. I got Kens ready for school, took her, then got home and took a nap. Upon waking up I felt 10 times worse than when I was awake the first time. I then sent an email saying I'd be working until noon, then taking the afternoon off. Shortly after logging off for the day I got called and was on a conference call for half the afternoon. Upon hanging up I got called onto another call and sat on that until about 6:30pm. I guess God was punishing me for drinking so much of Satan's sweet nector on a school day.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007


I'll start drinking and I won't stop. I'll play softball and then drink and keep drinking. Then all of the sudden it's 1:37am and I need to wake up in like 5 hours if I'm lucky. Wow. Tomorrow will be rough. bye.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Not like me

Tonight when I was out for a run... well first of all, I know I'm not exactly cutting edge with this, but I downloaded The Fratelli's album last night and put it on while I ran and it's awesome. Great running music. Anyway, I was running and there were a bunch of kids playing in my neighborhood and it got me thinking of how I really hope my kids aren't like me. Not so much now... I'm an ok guy now (minus the wife beating, alcoholism, and drug habit). But, I was a real dick when I was a kid. My friends and I used to steal beer off people's porches, we used to destroy public property for no reason, we used to just be all around dicks. I'm scared my kids are going to grow up to be assholes. Maybe I'll just keep them locked in the basement. Yeah, I think that will work.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Don't Stop Believing

After my 10 mile race in the begining of May I hit my lazy stride. I cut my running back from 25 miles a week to about 7. I was basically running once a week, 7 miles. After a few weeks of laziness I added another day and got back up to around 10 miles a week. I just find it so hard to run in 90 degree weather and about 217% humidity.

We've been going down the shore for the past three weekends and as much as I love to sit out on the deck and soak in the ocean air with a bottle of wine, I have been getting up and running on the beach or the boardwalk on Saturday mornings. So, I've still been keeping up with my long runs, but I never run fast and I feel completely out of shape.

A few weeks before the 10 miler I looked at upcoming races to try to keep myself motivated over the summer. I eyed up a 5 miler and a 5K, both this past Saturday. I never signed up for either of them and as I finished my second glass of wine on Friday night I told Kym I'd be doing neither. It took a simple "Why? Just do it." and I was convinced. I woke up with the baby at 6:15 and we all packed in the car at 7 and went to run a 5K. Well, I was running, they were watching.

So, I signed up, stretched and lined up at the front of the pack.

And surprisingly, I pretty much stayed there. I had my fastest time ever (20:28 for those that care), finished 15th out of 154, and got a medal for finishing 3rd in the 30-39 age group. I wore it on the beach all weekend and now I have the most awesome 3rd place medal tan you've ever seen.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Wedding Crashers

This weekend at the beach Kym's sister's best friend while growing up got married on the beach. We weren't invited, but Kym hasn't seen her sister in 7 months and she wanted to see Kenslee, so we were told to come. It was all very casual, and zen, and Buddha, and the two getting married are both vegans, so it all was very granola, and they were happy to have us.

So, as we arrived Kym's sister was in the street and whisked Kym and Kenslee off to one house while I was told to go to another house with Kym's parents. After an awkward half hour (Kym's parents knew no one either) we all paraded to the beach.

Kenslee was instantly a nightmare, so we had to stand off to the side as to not interrupt.

We had some fun..

..but as the guests of honor were a half hour late, fun turned to crying and right after Kym's sister's friend was walked down the beach by her dad and father-in-law...

Kenslee and I left the beach and missed the whole thing. In most cases I would have been happy with her because weddings are generally boring unless they are you're own. But I wasn't happy, I wanted to see this wedding. It would have been a beautiful sight. Not for the romace of it, but because...



It was two chicks!!!!!

SWEEET! God Bless New Jersey!

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Monday, June 04, 2007

The 5 second rule doesn't apply on the beach

In the not too distant past I used to take time out of my day blogging to do some work. Nowadays I look at the clock, see it's 2:30 and realize I really need to blog something or else people will start to think I have herpies or something that's keeping me from writing. So, here it is. Ummmm, so what's new with you? Oh really? Is it contagious? Yeah, not much here. Ummm, I had friday off and went to the good ole Jersey shore. My parents got a shore house for 2 months so they can enjoy some extended time with the kids and grandkids. It was Kenslee's first time on the beach since she was 3 months old.

The air temperature offshore was in the 80's but with the wind coming off the ocean, it was about 60 on the beach and the water was somewhere in the teens I think. Being the good parents we are, we forced her to go in the water for a little. She loved the water and the waves, but it was too cold so that only lasted about 3 minutes. Then we wrapped up and ate some sand.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Update II

Another update on my new years resolutions..

blah, blah, blah...

Get a promotion or new job by midyear - Fucking done. My promotion went through today. I'm no longer a regular douchebag. I'm now a Senior douchebag!

Monday, May 21, 2007


Apparently a lot of people want to know about Cecily Tynan's pregnancy.

And one of my dad's friends blowjob.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Beating Women

Cecily Tynan is a newscaster in Philly. A few years ago, before Alycia Lane hit the airwaves, she was probably condisered the hottest newscaster in the area.

Rewind to my 5 mile race a few weeks ago. There was a girl 10 yards in front of me for most of the race. With about a half mile to go I turned on the jets and passed her. Much to my surprise, while looking at the results, I found out it was the one and only Cecily Tynan that I had passed in the last half mile. I took great pride in that. She was on the cover of Runners World and according to the station she works for "Ms. Tynan is a four-time sub-3 hour marathoner, former world-class professional duathlete and a top ten age group finisher at the 2003 Ironman World Championships in Kona, Hawaii." She's so serious about her running that she dumped her husband for her trainer.

I was very proud of myself for beating such an accomplished runner.

Until I was watching the news the other day and noticed she's about 6 months pregnant.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007


I'm normally too lazy to do meme's, but I'm even more lazy to write something else, so I'll do this. Cruel Shoes tagged me.

8 weird things about me

I have brain damage - When I was about 6 years old I was at a basketball game down town. Afterwards I had a foot race with my brother to the car and I ran into a chain link wire that was hanging between two poles. It upended me and I landed on my head. I only got 3 stitches, but I'm fairly certain at least half of my brain leaked out onto the pavement.

I'm a Thanksgiving Nazi - It's not that I particularly enjoy the holiday, I just feel it gets the royal screwover because Christmas season seems to start in mid september these days.

I'm an inventor - My best invention is a tool to convert uppercase letters to lowercase in Word or internets. I haven't actually developed or patented this yet. It's on my Invention To Do list. Along with cars that run on air and the bottomless cup of coffee.

I have six fingers on both hands - We'll, I don't actually have six fingers on both hands, but I know of someone who does.

When I was little I didn't want to be a Policeman or a Fireman or an Astronaut. I wanted to be a blogger. Dreams do come true.

I never make lists of 8. Seven is my limit.

Now I'm supposed to tag 8 other people. The coolest thing I've ever seen with tagging was someone hit the next button and tagged whoever it brought them to. But, I'm much too lazy to go through with that. So, the first 8 people to not comment here are tagged.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Movie Night at the O'Household.

Over the weekend I watched the movie Little Children. It's about cheating spouses and a pedophile. It's a very good movie. If you plan on seeing it and haven't yet you might want to stop reading now as I will give a spoiler.

OK, those of you cool people that have seen it... I don't really have a spoiler. I just wanted to weed out all those losers. How about those douchebags!! Don't you just hate all those people that stopped reading after the first paragraph?!? Man, they missed out on some high quality writing right here! Did you see how I used "write" and "right" back to back? I'm awesome. Unlike those nerds who didn't read this.

So, that's my input on Little Children.

Thursday, May 10, 2007


I'm angry at myself because I can't think of anything to write, so I'm going to revisit my New Years Resolutions to give an update on my progresses.

Be cooler. - This was going exactly as planned until yesterday. I accidentally wore heavy corduroy pants and it was 80 degrees outside. I was hot as hell. Not cool at all.

Eat lunch and/or dinner every day.
- Failed. On the evening of February 13th I got sick. I didn't eat lunch or dinner until February 16th. I suck.

Drink liquids. Done! I'm drinking water as we speak, bitches!

Get promotion or get a new job by mid-year. - Don't talk to me about this.

Do fun stuff. - Is running fun? Not really. Umm, how about mowing the lawn? Weeding? Mulching? Shaving?

Shower. - Done! 3 weeks ago!

Get haircut. - Done! 2 weeks ago!

Rent movies. - Done! I rented that one with that guy who does that thing then the other guy does other things too.

Blow nose when full of snot. Or pick. - Picked!

Change diapers when full of poop and/or pee (not mine). - Done! Kens makes it very simple to know when she's in need of a change by squatting down and grunting out her poops.

Be Awesome. - Clearly done.

Monday, May 07, 2007

Broad Street Run

Not that anyone really cares...

My day began when I woke up to go to the bathroon at 4:15am. Afraid my alarm wouldn't go off I drifted in and out of sleep for the next hour or so. Eventually got up and out of the house around 5:50am to meet up with my brother. The race starts in North Philly and finishes in South Philly in the Navy Yard next to the Stadium Complex. Runners park at the stadiums and get a free subway ride to the start. Get there, stand in long lines to pee, stretch, and we're off...

(This photo is doctored. That traffic light was red. Those fuckers didn't stop. Buncha cheaters.)

It was a veeerry windy day and it was freezing (about 50ish with a wind chill in the 40's would be my guess) at the start, but once we started moving the weather was not a factor. The wind was at our backs most of the race. I've run a marathon, and I've done 5K-5 milers, but I've never run a mid distance like this. I was hoping to average around 7:18 miles. The first three miles I felt like I was going easy and went out with a 7:07, 7:10, 7:09. Fearing I was going too fast I backed off and did a few miles around 7:22ish. With three miles to go I felt I was going too slow and finished strong with miles of 7:19, 7:17 and 7:15. My final time was 1:13.15, which averages out to 7:19's. Pretty much exactly what I wanted. Some Kenyan dude ran the fastest 10 miles ever on American soil thank to the wind at our backs. A lot of people ran thhier best times ever and I feel like I could have done better. After I finished I felt like I could have done another 3 miles at the same pace. But, for my first 10 miler, I'm pretty happy. I'm about to sign up for the half marathon in September and probably a full one in October or November.