With our next child due in a mere 27 weeks I've started to get scared. I'm scared for the sleepless nights and jealous older sister. I'm scared I won't have the patience I had with Kenslee because it won't be new anymore. I'm scared of a lot of things, but one of the biggest scares I have is love. Before we had Kenslee I knew I would love her. I fell in love with her before she was ever born and I fall more and more in love with her everyday. My heart is so full of love I honesty don't know how I'll love anyone as much as I love her. Parents out there with more than one kid, I'd love to hear if you had this same fear and how you can love all your children the same. I'm scared to death I will play favorites and one of them will end up resenting me.
Anyway, to give a visual of my love, I drew some pictures.
First, here's my heart before Kenslee:
As you can see I still had room for love in my heart.
So, when Kenslee was born, she took up all that space:
In fact you may notice she caused some of my love for the Eagles and Phillies to shrink. Oddly, Pizza got bigger.
So, here's what I fear when we have another child:
My heart will explode. The next child will take up too much space, causing things to shift, and eventually my heart will start to leak. There will Pizza and Eagles and Blogging all over the place. It's not going to be pretty.
15 comments:
Now are we part of that blogging category, or is it just writing the blog? I have never been a green splatter, so now is a good time to say I have that honor.
I understand your fear Tim. My baby boy came EIGHT years after my daughter. I had plenty o'fears. When it comes time and you gaze into that sweet babies face everything will be fine. You don't have a finite amount of love, contrary to your lovely pictures. Just the fact that you worry about it tells me you will do great!
I'm sorry. That was just too amazingly cute and I almost have to barf. Almost. Now I want a baby!
What about getting a bigger heart? OR a second heart? Then you could have a back up of all your love.
With all the love, where does the blood go?
N - everybody's part of the green splatter. You're not splatter yet. But, you will be next June.
O - Looking at my pictures, it's hard to wrap my head around the fact that I can have more love in my heart, but I'm assuming it will come. I did recently start to love that tv show Kid Nation, so maybe it's true that love is infinite.
J - Go for it! All the cool grown ups are doing it.
J - Excellent Idea!! I wonder what animal I could get a transplant from that has the biggest heart? A Hippo? A Killer whale? I'm definitely going to look into this.
And what happened then (when his second baby was born)...?
Well...in Who-ville (Philly) they say
That the Grinch's (Tim's) small heart
Grew three sizes that day!
I just stumbled across your blog, love it. I had the same issues when I became pregnant with baby number 2. How would I ever love it as much as I love number 1. It just didn't seem possible that my heart could love someone else that much. My mother assured me I would. Turns out she was soooo right. You will love this child with all of your heart just like the first. As with all people you will love each one for different reasons and sometimes one will need a little more love than the other, usually when they've been naughty. My babies are now 21 and 17 and I love them more everyday. Love is endless.
your diagrams were very helpful. i don't have any kids but as a cat lady i suppose i can try to relate.
it doesn't matter how many kids you have, i think you'll love them all. you might love some more than others and for each one you'll probably love them differently. i wouldn't be afraid. you seem to be of the extremely rare species of "good dad" which i wasn't sure existed until fairly recently. i'm sure you'll do fine. i wouldn't worry too much. :)
Well the Eagles aren't really worth loving these days, so maybe that will open up some room for the new baby.
That's one of the main reasons I don't want to have another kid. I love my daughter so much, I don't think I could help but play favorites with her. My parents still do that with my older sister to this day, even though they claim not to.
I'm worried that the new baby will try to steal Kenslee's title of Cutest Baby On the Internets.
Timodad:
Get out of my head! What you are going through is normal, as your commenters have noted. I had the same fears adopting Anna, especially because we had our biological daughter and worried that our adopted daughter would get the sloppy seconds. Not true at all. Your heart just expands to fit the love that needs to go inside. And that shall include all of us, too.
But don't think things will be entirely the same as with Kenslee - they won't be. You'll let the second one cry longer. You won't fret as much over every cold. They won't go to all the Mommy and Me classes the first one went to, hell it'll be lucky to get to the dry cleaners with you or Kym. Kenslee will be a little general to the kid but you'll be glad because you need help. Even if its' from a two year old. But this is why first borns are the achievers and a little bit neurotic, and the seconds are laid back and resilient. They come by it naturally.
Go with the flow, bro. (I made a rhyme!)
I'm excited for you three!
That made me laugh out loud.
Ah, Congrats Tim and Kym!
I totally felt the same way. Couldn't believe I'd love another child, esp not in the same way as the first.
You can. And you will. You will be just as fantastic a dad to this one as to Kenslee. You'll see. But your fear won't go away until after this one is born.
oh my gosh! i haven't checked in on your blog in quite awhile and such great news!
congrats on baby #2 and running the marathon!
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