Tuesday, January 30, 2007

The Bar Situation

If you've been reading this shit for a while you may remember a few month ago when my dad stopped my by our house and randomly gave me a brand new 40 inch LCD tv. After determining that the tv didn't fit in our family room entertainment center, this tv motivated us to finish our basement. It was already finished, but it was empty. So, we put the tv down there. We got a nice new sofa. For christmas I got a home theater system and hooked that up. We ordered a bar, and planned a Super Bowl Party. Two weeks ago the bar arrived. The delivery guy said he wouldn't wait around for me to inspect it and told me to sign for it as "to be inspected" to protect myself. When he left I opened it and it was a disaster. Cracks, out of place panels, more cracks, gashes.

I'm not going to go so far as to say Kym likes dealing with Customer Service, but she's good at it. She has lots of practice. She has delt with Comcast's customer service for like 9000 hours. The company immediately had a new bar sent out. Yesterday we got home from work and the side bar was sitting on our front porch. I opened it and of course, it had out of place panels and a giant crack down the side. Kym got on the phone and they sent out another one. The main bar was sitting at the shipping place today and they opened it there, declared it to be ok and will be shipping that today. I'm sure we'll get it and it will be broken and we'll have no bar for our Super Bowl party on Sunday. Plus we now have one and a half $1300 bars sitting in our garage that we were told to dispose of. Meanwhile it's 3 degrees outside every morning and my car freezes while a broken bar sits warm in the garage. I hope the story has a happy ending in which the bar that will arrive today is good, the 3rd side bar will arrive Saturday, we get it all for free for our trouble, and we sell the broken bar on craigslist for a couple bucks. But I'm not holding my breath.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Smack That Ass

I don't mean for this to become a baby blog, but I don't think this one should go on the real baby blog.

Kenslee has basically become a maniac since she learned to crawl. For those of you that have cats, you might have one that will have these sudden spaz attacks. Everything is fine, then all the sudden the cat is running through the house at 100mph. Kenslee does that same thing. She'll be playing then suddenly the urge will strike and she'll crawl as fast as possible and dive head first into whatever she sees. She's crazy. She cries to be held when we ignore her for a long time, but for the most part she's pretty independent. She seems to do things whenever she feels like it. If I try to get her to clap she won't. If I try to get her to say "Da", she won't. If I'm trying to get her to eat byt showing her how I eat, she doesn't care. Right now, she's not one for mimicking. She'll do those things on her own, but I think she takes it as an insult when I want her to mimick me.

Rewind to Wednesday night. Every night before her bath we spend about 20-30 minutes with her playing in just her diaper. She loves her naked time. Her newest favorite thing to do during naked time is to find a laundry basket and empty everything out of it. Wednesday night she was doing this while Kym and I were lying around playing with her when she would get bored with the laundry. Kym was lying on her stomach and Kenslee decided to jump all over Kym's back. While she was dong this I went over and smacked Kym's ass. In what was the first time in 8 months Kenslee saw this and mimicked me. She crawled over and started smacking Kym's ass like it was a drum. So, yeah, I taught my daughter the Smack That Ass.

She loves being naked and she loves smacking ass. I'm raising myself such a good little stripper.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

The Saddest Day in History

Franklin passed away yesterday. A mere 9 days into his life and he was taken by shaken baby syndrome. I first sent him to the brink of disaster while running last week. I had him clipped to my shorts and he stopped breathing. I found a way to resuscitate him on apple's website. He was down for a few hours so I knew that he would have some sort of brain damage. I hoped he would turn out kinda like Rain Man. A little odd, but oh so sharp and cute when standing next to Tom Cruise. Unfortunately he turned out more like that retarded magician Penn. Or is it Teller that's retarded? Oh, I don't know. Anyway, yesterday he did it again. I was in the middle of a nice long run and he went into convulsions. I did that chest shocker thing I saw on ER once and quickly came back to life. I finished my run and warmed down. Eventually I stopped. Franklin did not stop. No matter what I did Franklin would not stop. For the third time in 9 days, and the 2nd yesterday, I tried to Flatline him and bring him back to life like that guy on 24 did to Julia Roberts before he started eating terrorists. Franklin flatlined, but he never came back to life. When I gave him mouth to mouth, he only gave me a sad face and went back to death. Sad, I cried a little and went through all our fun times in my head. Like the one time I put music on him. Or the other time I listened to music on him. And then the time when I put pictures on him. God, there were so many great times. I'm trying to not remember the bad times. Like when he brought home a transvestite prostitute named Shelia. (The 'S' was silent). Franklin, I will surely miss you.

Luckily Franklin was still under warranty and I picked up a new ipod today at lunch. I think I'll call him Franklin II.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

This is Jeopardy?

I caught what I mentioned in the comments from the last video post. She freakin loves Alex Trebek.

Friday, January 19, 2007

Leezer's post about gym people has forced me to post my gym experience from today. I think every gym has at least one grunter. The guy who needs people to know he's lifting a lot of weight. The guy who grunts so loud that even Franklin doesn't drown out the noise. Today I ran across the Grunter. Except, he wasn't lifting. And, actually, he wasn't clothed. He was grunting in the shower. My gym has 5 showers. Each with their own shower curtain to maintain privacy. So, I was finishing up with my shower when Grunter really started getting into it in the shower next to mine. I started to feel uncomfortable so I hurried and finished so I could go back to my locker. As I got out of the shower I noticed Grunter was still taking his shower and he didn't feel the need to close his shower curtain. Besides his love of being heard grunting he apparently loves being seen showering as well. Anyway, I run back to my locker and a few minutes later, of course, Grunter sits his naked, untowel-using ass next to me. As I throw on whatever garments of clean or dirty clothes I have available to get out of there as fast as possible he continues to rub himself and grunt and moan as loud as possible. It was truly, utterly, visual, mentally, and hearingly (if that's a word) disgusting.
A lesson in Tolerance

The cat has learned to take an awful lot of crap from Kens.

Monday, January 15, 2007

A Match Made in New Haven*

Yesterday I stepped into the year 2001 and got my first ipod. It's awesome. I've named him Franklin (after my fav inventor!). I brought him home, put him in a new outfit I had picked out and started loading him with music and pictures. He's so cool already! I made dinner and after dinner I told the funniest joke**. Franklin was right there. He laughed the loudest then gave me the best high five. The baby woke up in the middle of the night and guess who woke up to give her a bottle? That's right, Franklin. Then this morning I woke up and smelled coffee brewing and heard bacon sizzling. Franklin sure is making a good first impression. Franklin even knew that I like my bacon extra cripsy! My eggs were a little overdone, but jeez, he's only 12 hours old!! Franklin came into work with me today and he even helped me type this out. Oh, Franklin, how did I ever live without you!!!!

* Assuming iPods are made in New Haven

**Why were the suspenders arrested?
For holding up a pair of pants!

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Links I made

Last night I got home from dealing poker at midnight. I sat down at the computer and started to feel bad thinking about how I haven't been blogging or reading many blogs lately. So, I clicked on a few links then realized, "Fuck this it's late, I'm going to bed."

Then the baby woke up and cried for most of the night.

Monday, January 08, 2007

Down and Out

I often brag about my immune system. I never get sick. I haven't thrown up sober in over 10 years. (Last time I threw up drunk? September 2005. On my honeymoon.) At 7am this morning I woke to take care of my sick daughter. I got dressed, then my immune system, much like my sophomore year Accounting Teacher, failed me. The River Seine flowed from my insides and into my toilet bowl. It was horrible. Throwing up blows. Luckily my mom was able to come over and help out. I spent about 6 hours in bed today and I can't wait to get back in bed. My immune system and I are going to have to have a long talk in the morning.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

E-A-G-L-E-S - Eagles!

I wish I brought my camera to the game. It was crazy.

I think I'm going to take another day off from work tomorrow because my daughter is still sick. So you'll have to suffer through yet another day of no bull shit from me. Sorry to be you.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

New Years Resolutions

Be cooler.

Eat lunch and/or dinner every day.

Drink liquids.

Get promotion or get a new job by mid-year.

Do fun stuff.


Get haircut.

Rent movies.

Blow nose when full of snot. Or pick.

Change diapers when full of poop and/or pee (not mine).

Be Awesome.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Annnnd we're back...

Annnnd, I'm too busy to write.

But, did anyone else watch 13 hours of The Biggest Loser yesterday?