Wednesday, January 03, 2007

New Years Resolutions

Be cooler.

Eat lunch and/or dinner every day.

Drink liquids.

Get promotion or get a new job by mid-year.

Do fun stuff.

Shower.

Get haircut.

Rent movies.

Blow nose when full of snot. Or pick.

Change diapers when full of poop and/or pee (not mine).

Be Awesome.

13 comments:

Cookie said...

I'm with you on the drink liquids thing. And lunch and dinner. And lately, blowing my nose when it is full of snot.

miss kendra said...

does this mean when the diaper is full of poop and/or pee that is yours you'll just leave it there?

Melissa said...

I think you're just setting yourself up for some major disappointment, man.

Think Frustrated said...

My thoughts on each item:

1. Should that be "Be a cooler?" If so, go with an Igloo. Nothing is cooler than an Igloo cooler.

2. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, though. Don't dis breakfast.

3. You don't specify which liquids, so just avoid urine, sweat, and bile, and you should be OK.

4. Damn the man. Long live the Empire! I hear Starbucks is hiring.

5. Know what's fun? Throwing full diapers out of a hot air balloon. Or parchesi. They're about equal in funness.

6. Is that shower once. One time for the whole year? What are you, French or something?

7. I'm letting my hair grow. I told the girl who cuts it that I need to get it cut nice so it grows nice. Basically I need my hair cut so I can grow my hair longer. She laughed at me.

8. Netflix. I resolve to join Netflix.

9. You should only pick your nose when blowing won't do the trick. And never in the elevator with your boss present.

10. I don't know if my wife changes any diapers at all any more when I'm around. WTF?

11. You should change that last one to "Be more like Jake." It's just a translation. It would mean the same thing.

Leezer said...

Timophil:
You are already cool, so check on that. And wait until the drive home to empty your nose of snot and the like, it'll give you something to do in traffic.

Blockbuster Total Access is awsome, do that.

You should cut a hole in the crotch of all your pants and wear diapers on top of your pants to work, then you'll definitely get that promotion after you explain that you're working so hard that you don't have time to go to the lavratory.

P.S. Think Frustrated you are so damn funny.

Oh great One said...

Those sound do-able!

TinaPoPo said...

Wow, apparently Jacob has abandoned his own blog and taken to writing his posts in Tim's comment section.

I think we all knew this day would come.

Conti said...

You could have summed these all up in one sentence:

Be totally kewl.

❉ pixie ❉ said...

1. Done
2. Done
3. Done
4. won't do (raise should be on my next paycheck)
5. Done
6. Done
7. Need to do
8. will do
9. will try to avoid snot
10. will do soon (not yours)
11. Done

Brookelina said...

Lofty aspirations indeed.

Think Frustrated said...

PoPo - I still blog. All the time. Well, sometimes. In fact, I have two bloggies now. One is updated every day. I just find that I often do better work in the comments of others' blogs than on my own blog. Then, people who read good blogs will come and read my bad blogs and then my sense of self-worth will be artificially inflated, thus making the world a better place. (That world being Mercury).

Christie said...

I always wait too long to change diapers.....

EuroTrippen said...

Being cool is overrated... changing diapers is where it's at!