Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The New Dora

So, parents are outraged by the new Dora. Check her out, she's pretty slutty, huh?

Same jewelry, but look at that trashy dresspants thing! And the slutty thinned out bangs! Pretty unacceptable if you ask me. But the most unacceptable part of Dora? Her Explorer skills.

I mean, her nickname is the Explorer and she really doesn't explore shit. I went to high school with a dude named Druggie Dave. You know why that was his name? He was a druggie. Tonight I read a Dora book to my daughter and Dora found the Play Park. And the only reason she found the play park was because she had a friggen map.

You know who didn't have a map? Christopher Columbus. If the Earth were flat, he'd have been dead. And Ferdinand Magellan. He circled the Earth with no talking map in his backpack. Even my least favorite Explorer, Vasco Nunez de Balbo, who "discovered" the Pacific Ocean is a better Explorer than Dora. The guy walked a few miles, opened his eyes, saw water and became one of the most famous explorers in history. It's not all that much more than Dora, but he never had his own tv show.

On yesterday's episode of Dora the Explorer she discovered her house. Her own damn house. She went through the Spooky Forest, past the Nut Farm, and then to Dora's house. All with the help of that whiny map she checked 25 times along the way.

I don't care much about the new Dora's headband or fashion sense. But, I hope that she has learned some better exploring skills in her older, sluttier years.

Monday, March 16, 2009

So Close

Last night I had a dream that some guy was living in my attic without me knowing. One night he made the mistake of coming down to use the bathroom before I was asleep. I wrestled him to the ground until the cops came. I was naked. After the cops took him away I so excited that I would finally have something interesting to blog about. Unfortunately I do not.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Who got kicked off American Idol last night?

Have that as a post title and watch the hits!

That jasmine girl that kinda looks like a fish just got kicked off and Ryan made some creepy comments to her off mic.

I don't know who else because I'm still, unfortunately, watching it.

Either that gokey guy will win it all or that girl that has a kid (does every remaining chick have a kid?)

Is it just me or is that emo/goth d-bag the most overrated singer ever?

I am 100% CONSUMED with watching the greatest American hero looking dude do chorography.

What's this judges save shit?