So, parents are outraged by the new Dora. Check her out, she's pretty slutty, huh?
Same jewelry, but look at that trashy dresspants thing! And the slutty thinned out bangs! Pretty unacceptable if you ask me. But the most unacceptable part of Dora? Her Explorer skills.
I mean, her nickname is the Explorer and she really doesn't explore shit. I went to high school with a dude named Druggie Dave. You know why that was his name? He was a druggie. Tonight I read a Dora book to my daughter and Dora found the Play Park. And the only reason she found the play park was because she had a friggen map.
You know who didn't have a map? Christopher Columbus. If the Earth were flat, he'd have been dead. And Ferdinand Magellan. He circled the Earth with no talking map in his backpack. Even my least favorite Explorer, Vasco Nunez de Balbo, who "discovered" the Pacific Ocean is a better Explorer than Dora. The guy walked a few miles, opened his eyes, saw water and became one of the most famous explorers in history. It's not all that much more than Dora, but he never had his own tv show.
On yesterday's episode of Dora the Explorer she discovered her house. Her own damn house. She went through the Spooky Forest, past the Nut Farm, and then to Dora's house. All with the help of that whiny map she checked 25 times along the way.
I don't care much about the new Dora's headband or fashion sense. But, I hope that she has learned some better exploring skills in her older, sluttier years.