Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The New Dora

So, parents are outraged by the new Dora. Check her out, she's pretty slutty, huh?



Same jewelry, but look at that trashy dresspants thing! And the slutty thinned out bangs! Pretty unacceptable if you ask me. But the most unacceptable part of Dora? Her Explorer skills.

I mean, her nickname is the Explorer and she really doesn't explore shit. I went to high school with a dude named Druggie Dave. You know why that was his name? He was a druggie. Tonight I read a Dora book to my daughter and Dora found the Play Park. And the only reason she found the play park was because she had a friggen map.

You know who didn't have a map? Christopher Columbus. If the Earth were flat, he'd have been dead. And Ferdinand Magellan. He circled the Earth with no talking map in his backpack. Even my least favorite Explorer, Vasco Nunez de Balbo, who "discovered" the Pacific Ocean is a better Explorer than Dora. The guy walked a few miles, opened his eyes, saw water and became one of the most famous explorers in history. It's not all that much more than Dora, but he never had his own tv show.

On yesterday's episode of Dora the Explorer she discovered her house. Her own damn house. She went through the Spooky Forest, past the Nut Farm, and then to Dora's house. All with the help of that whiny map she checked 25 times along the way.

I don't care much about the new Dora's headband or fashion sense. But, I hope that she has learned some better exploring skills in her older, sluttier years.

15 comments:

Felisa said...

Those pants are ridiculous. How could she be so slutty? She's wearing something that looks like the stuff in my closet. This is unacceptable. I'm with the parents who have been complaining about this. Next thing you know, Dora will be butt naked and on the Howard Sterns Show.

Felisa said...

Note the sarcasm. I think I'll shoot myself if anyone thinks I'm serious.

Melissa said...

When I first read about the new Dora, I immediately thought about Kenslee. True story.

Goddammit Dora! Who's Kenslee gonna look up to now?!

Melissa said...

By the way, it took me like an hour to type that. I think I'm still drunk from St. Paddy's day

Tim said...

f - Howard Stern, great idea! I wish I thought of that dammit. I think you're safe on the sarcasm front

m - She still plays with that Dora puzzle book you sent her almost everyday. And I had zero beers on st pattys. I'm a disgrace to my heritage.

Kym said...

I think you better erase this post before Kenslee learns to read :-) Dora is her hero!

Oh great One said...

Ha! We still watch Dora at my house but we make fun of her the whole time. We change the songs she's singing to songs about her big ole head and how Boots is gonna fling his poo.

I didn't say they were GOOD songs!

Leezer said...

Dora IS a slutty McSlutter Pants. She probably has crabs and STDs. And she's a little slow. And what's with Diego, her baby daddy? Where is he in the picture? Probably out boinking Strawberry Shortcake. Pft.

egan said...

Swiper no swiping!

I'm so glad Felisa chimed back in about her sarcasm. I almost, almost, believed her.

You sure do know your explorers. I'm impressed. What's your take on Vasco de Gama?

Genevieve said...

You forgot to mention how slutty long hair is! I've never seen a slut with a bob.

Just said...

Too true on the long hair - what was wrong with her no-nonsense bob? Much more practical for exploring

Naynayfazz said...

I think that news story was fake. Maybe parents didn't even care. It was just put out there for people to realize Dora was changing. She looks as slutty as my Grandmother does. That is just silly. Now if she had large boobs and stripper heals, then I can see what the fuss would be about.

Kristelle said...

Cartoons go through puberty now??!

Jootastic said...

Something about Dora as a sexual explora makes me feel a little...icky.

As you requested, I now have a link to a scene from an improv show I did last weekend. Enjoy!

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