Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Puke

At 2 o’clock I have to give a two hour presentation that will be a major factor in my year end review in which I’m hoping to get a promotion. If I screw this up, I’ll probably be stuck in my same position for the rest of my life. Actually, I’ll probably be demoted to janitor. I haven’t given a real presentation since senior year in college nine years ago. I’m not a very good public speaker. Actually, I’m not a very good private speaker either. This sucks. I hate this shit. I hope the world ends in the next two hours.



********* UPDATE! ************

It went better than I expected. It was a lot more interactive two hours than I thought it would be. And I guess that's good, right? When your audience falls asleep: bad. When your auidence talks more than you: good. The only really scary part was when someone asked a question I couldn't answer. I started to get hot around the collar, then decided to rip my shirt off, hop up on the table, go to bablefish translator, and I yelled "¡míreme, yo están desnudo en la tabla con una pantalla en mi cabeza!" Though, I'm pretty sure bablefish was wrong because I always though table was "mesa", not "tabla". So, that was embarassing.

19 comments:

Leezer said...

Oh Timophil, don't worry. Everyone gets nervous. I stutter when I get nervous, which is bad for a lawyer!

Here's what you need to do. Picture everyone in the room taking a dump. Just like Marcia Brady did when she took her driver's exam and pictured the teacher in his underwear so she wouldn't be so nervous. And even though it's hard to remember, you have to breathe. I promise it helps. Or you can take a Xanax.

Beebers said...

i sweat and get all red on my chest when i get nervous. it sucks.

take a shot of whiskey before you go. the smell of the booze, combined with your lack of articulation, are sure to get you promoted!

j/k good luck!

TinaPoPo said...

Having met Tim, I can personally vouch for the fact that he is neither a good private OR public speaker. In fact, he only knows 8 or 9 actual English words, and writes his blog with the aid of a Babelfish translator and a streak of good luck.

But he takes the cake when it comes to standing on a table, dancing naked with a lampshade on his head in the middle of a busy Italian restaurant. Tim, if your promotion were based on raw animal magnetism, you'd have it in the bag. Or you'd be arrested. Either/or.

❉ pixie ❉ said...

I agree with VoF, everyone gets nervous. Even me, who has to talk in front of a room full of people on a daily basis. It's natural. You'll be great—keep reminding yourself of that and you'll do fine. We're rooting for you...and then of course will expect something from it.

Lulu said...

Show pictures of the baby. People love baby pictures, and all the women will vote to give you the promotion.

Score.

queen of pink said...

It's 2 o'clock there now, so I'll be thinking really happy fluffy kitten thoughts for ya. You'll rock it out, I'm sure!!

And like Lulu said, go with the baby pics. Never hurts to whip out pics of a cute kid!!

Drake Cyanide said...

Good luck, Tim! We're pullin' for ya!

Dylan said...

Good luck on your presentation!

Oh great One said...

Good luck. I'm sure you'll do fine! Just pretend they are all naked, I don't know why that's supposed to help but that what they always say. Who are "they" anyway?

Funqi said...

selfish bastard, why should the rest of our world's end just because YOU don't want to give a presentation?

I mean, eh, good luck and all.

Leezer said...

Tim:
I forgot to say make sure you tell us how it goes, please!

❉ pixie ❉ said...

So, you survived then.

Melissa said...

"MirANme, you estOY desnudo..." but kudos on knowing the difference between table and mesa. :)

Brookelina said...

Did you gyrate your hips? And lick your fingers and then touch your nipples? Did you remember to take off your socks?

Just said...

I always find that an impromptu strip livens up any presentation. It is especially good if your audiences sings 'You can leave your hat on' as you perform.

Leezer said...

The only thing missing from your presentation was that you didn't incorporate the term "ballsack" or "nutsack." That would have cinched a promotion.

Think Frustrated said...

RE: V of F's first remark about being a stuttering lawyer...

Am I the only one who pictured the stuttering public defender from "My Cousin Vinny?"

"Mr. T-t-t-t-t-t-t-t-tipton!"

I am in corporate training, so I give presentations for a living. Public speaking isn't so bad. It's pretty fun. When I don't know the answer to something, I just make it up. I'm right like 82.7% of the time.

Alarum Raia said...

You're right! table IS mesa, and it should have been:

¡Mírenme, estoy desnudo sobre la mesa con una pantalla en mi cabeza!

Never trust Babelfish

My first comment after three months reading your blog. I love it by the way

:)

And good luck with the promotion!

Tim said...

alarum - gracias!