Thursday, October 28, 2004

Red-Headed Stepchild

I think I have Carpet Tunnel Syndrome. It's the lesser-known sibling of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. While millions of Americans suffer from this horrible condition, many go undiagnosed. After much research, here's what I've found out about it:

What is carpet tunnel syndrome?

Carpats is a word derived from the Greek word "karpats" which means "Carpet". A Carpet is a thick heavy covering for a floor, usually made of woven wool or synthetic fibers; a rug. While not designed to sleep on, a carpet has been known to house the unconscious body of one too tired or drunk to reach a sofa or bed. Tunnel is a word derived from the Greek word "tunal", which means "tunnel." A tunnel is a passage through or under a barrier. Any area of carpet between a sofa and a bed can be known as the carpet tunnel. The stiffness that occurs when a state of sleep occurs in the carpet tunnel is known as Carpet Tunnel Syndrome.

What conditions and diseases cause carpet tunnel syndrome?

For most patients, the cause of their carpal tunnel syndrome is unknown. For most others, the condition of drunkenness causes the syndrome. A small fraction of sufferers attribute "the bed being too damn far away."

How does a patient with carpet tunnel syndrome feel?

Patients with carpet tunnel syndrome initially feel numbness and tingling of the body in the distribution of the median nerve (the neck, the back, the legs, the head, the arms, the shoulders, the hands, the feet, the ears, and sometimes the hair).

How is carpet tunnel syndrome diagnosed?

The diagnosis of carpet tunnel syndrome is suspected based on the symptoms and the distribution of the body numbness. Blood shot eyes or a breathalyzer can help narrow the diagnosis of the syndrome.

How is carpet tunnel syndrome treated?

The choice of treatment for carpal tunnel syndrome depends on the severity of the symptoms and any underlying disease which might be causing the symptoms. Generally the sufferer should schedule an appointment with the closest bed and spend several hours or, in severe cases, days acquainting themselves with the bed.


4 comments:

Tim said...

I, as a matter of fact, am not sure where my carpet tunnel originated. I recall entering the carpet tunnel, but have no knowledge of what happened thereafter. Avoidance will be my method of combatant. I don't intend to leave to the sofa tonight. Tonight will be grand theft auto, survivor, the apprentice, howard stern, zzzz.........
I'm not risking anything.

Tim said...

yeah, its good. A lot of cursing, which in some odd way, makes it better.

Tim said...

I would think it might be extra cool for you since you live in San Fran and one of the cities is a replica of San Fran. I've been to LA once and I recgonized some of the streets I was driving on.

Tim said...

hmmm.. don't know what TL or GG or Filmore is, but at one point in that game you get a girlfriend that wants to jack some folk... or at least she say "hey CJ, lets do some drive bys!" Which is the same as jackin folk!