Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Wanna see my Nuts?

About twice a month we have vendors set up in the lobby or the cafeteria selling stuff. There's a rotation between a dude selling cd's, a chick selling stuffed animals, and a chick selling books. They rotate and come every 3rd month, but there is one steady vendor here every month. Some dude selling his Nuts. He actually calls them his Nut'z. For those of you that don't have Nut'z you probably think the same way I did at first... there's only like 3 kinds of nuts: peanuts, cashews, and almonds. How's he going to make any money selling that crap? Well, you'd be wrong. How ignorant of you to think like that.

He sets up and before long, people flock. I think people in thier cubes have a spidey-sense that the Nut'z are here. It's like pigs to slop, like flies to shit, like pedophiles to a Dateline sting. People go Nut'z (tee-heehee!). I'm not sure if people actually buy the Nuts, or they just pretend to be interested for the perks. The perks being free samples. "They get one peanut, one cashew and one almond... how great can that be?", I hear you ignorants thinking. Well, much to the shock of the non-Nutty informed community there's tons of varietys of Nuts.

When I saw him in the lobby today I knew I had to express to you, my faithful dozen readers, just how amazing the variety is. So, I decided for the first time ever, I'd grab a free sample or two. Or three, or four, or seventy-one. Yes, there are seventy-one varieties. My plan was simple. Walk down the line, act interested, grab a nut, pretend to put it in my mouth, then with a magician-like slight of hand, put the nut in my pocket. I'd do this over and over until I had 71 nuts in my pocket. (tee-heehee!) I'd go back to my desk, empty the booty onto my desk, and take a picture to show the world my nuts.

But, I chickened out.

17 comments:

❉ pixie ❉ said...

Are there flavored nuts?

Tim said...

There's EVERYTHING! Chocolated covered. candy coated. Fruit Flavored. Whatever you can imagine, they have it.

Lulu said...

I feel like I'm in trouble. I sat here reading this entry while munching on a bag of Sesame Glazed Walnuts.

Ray said...

So...You are saying you have no nutz?!??! Boo hoo!

fuzzymuffin said...

I second Ray, go get a pair dammit! I'm sick of looking at your weiner. I wanna see some nut'z.

Oh great One said...

Are they warm nutz? I like mine warm. MMMMM...Unlike SHWETTY balls. I don't like those at all.

Leezer said...

Timophil:
Where are your Nutz? I think we are entitled to see all 71 of them.

Didn't that dude who had the blood hound in "Best in Show" come up with, like 100 kinds of nutz?

Chuck said...

I've taken pics of my nuts before. If you ask nicely I'll send you some! ;)

❉ pixie ❉ said...

I love how mature we all are.

Melissa said...

My family and I used to go nutting every fall and this post brought back memories. Aw, I miss those days of yor when Grandma Lupe would find a real good nut and exclaim "Look at my huge nut! Isn't it the prettiest nut you've ever seen?" and then my uncles would nod their heads in approval and say "Yes ma'am, those are some might fine nuts you have there. So smooth and brown, true treasures." And then for some reason, they'd grab their crotches.

Beechball * said...

Mmmm, Nutz.... *droooooL* haha

Softball Slut said...

chicken

Kris said...

I often eat full meals at Whole Foods in much the same way.

Steven Novak said...

71 nuts in your pocket...mmmmmmm.... ;)

Steve~

brianna said...

those Dateline stings are great...

Brookelina said...

This is why nobody likes you, everybody hates you, and you're gonna eat some worms.

Conti said...

ladies LOVE looking at ballsacks.