HUH? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! I HAVE HEADPHONES ON. YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SPEAK UP!

I feel bad for you

I wrote the best freakin post this morning. It was so good that I had to keep to to myself. My Precious post for just me. I don’t want to give too much away about it in case someone else comes up with the same idea, but I will tell you it involved an ice cream cone with jimmies on top and a unicorn winning the Kentucky Derby. You guys are so unlucky that you can’t read it all.

Six Degrees of Portuguese Nation?

Today while perusing my favorite ego feeding site I noticed that I am the only English speaking link on a Portuguese blogger’s link list. So, first of all, I guess I now have to expand my six degrees of blogger nation rules to include not only English sites, but also Portuguese. Second, I’m still pondering how this makes me feel. Any link is a good link, but what if this person makes fun of me on their blog all the time. That wouldn’t be a good link. But, I have to assume there’s no mal intent here.

There’s no English at all on this person’s site. So, do they even know English? Maybe they’re learning English by reading my site! How cool would that be! I wonder if I can put that on my resume. If they’re learning the language by reading Chloraphil, they’ve made the write choice. They will be a very well speaker before long.

My next train of thought is a wonderment of what kind of stuff they write about. Most of the English speaking people that read my site have somewhat the same type of humor that I have. This Portuguesean must be a pretty funny guy/girl themself. So, through the magic of alta vista I translated something they’ve written recently. Here’s an excerpt:

“I likes wine. Me like wines and sheep cheese. The most popular cheese of Portugal! Pork meat is also very popular in my home land. Actually, just because I speak Portuguese doesn’t mean I live in Portugal, but we’ll just make that assumption for now. Want to know another one of my favourites? Pastries! Portugese people are sweet toothed! My last favourite thing I like is Starburst Porn!”

At least that’s what I think alta vista translated it as. It only translated every other word, so I just filled in the blanks.

I'm Smart (note the capital "S")

One thing I think a lot of people don’t realize is that in order to be a good parent you have to be smart. When your baby cries, you have to be smart enough to realize she hasn’t eaten in four hours. If she cries more you have to realize you haven’t changed her diaper in two or three days. And the thing with changing diapers is you have to be smart about it. A lesser parent would have been pooped or peed on more than the 5 times I have. If your baby cries more you have to be smart enough to realize they want to be held.

Being a good dad basically takes a genius. Luckily for Kenslee I’m the smartest person she knows. Except for her mom. And probably the doctor that delivered her. And most of the nurses. And probably all four of her grandparents. And just about all of her aunts and uncles. But, yeah, my daughter is lucky I’m one of the smartest people she knows.

Sheesh!

What a long day today's been!

Get it?

huh?

huh?

Ya know..

Cause today's summer solstice!

woohoo!

I'm hilarous!

I'm Loving it!

Pink Kitty and Melissa have both recently stated that they are, or want to grow their hair out so they can donate it to Locks of Love. I’ve never mentioned it on here before, but I did that once a few years back. I generally can’t stand it when my hair is longer than an inch or so, but it was such a good cause I couldn’t pass it it. Like Melissa said, “it's a great organization and it's ultimately for one of the best causes out there: the vanity of cancer patients”
Anyway, I thought I’d share with you the pictures from when I went through this process.




Before:




My donatee was kinda punk, so I had to dye my hair towards the end.



One little known fact about Lock of Love is they accept all bodily hair.

My chest hair went to some lucky Italian Stallion.



And my pubes? Well, I still haven’t shaved them.

Pappa Bear

My first Father’s Day started like every other day does now: with a baby crying at 7am. She wasn’t, and doesn’t so much cry at 7am, rather, she grunts. We seriously have the loudest sleeping baby in the world. At home she sleeps in a bassinet on Titso’s side of our king-sized bed and I have a fan on my side. The fan and distance drowns out a lot of the little noises she makes. Over the weekend, we went down to spend the weekend with Titso’s parents in Virginia. She slept in a make-shift bassinet on the floor and Titso and I slept in a double-sized bed in a fanless room. And let me tell you this, my baby girl makes some serious noise in her sleep. From yelps, to fakeout cries, to grunt after grunt, she’s got it all. She makes so much noise that you wake up to get her because she must be dying or something, but when you go to pick her up, it turns out she’s just sleeping.

Anyway, Titso was good to me and took her downstairs to let me sleep in on Fathers Day. I woke up and we ate and hit the road shortly after that. On the way down to VA Kenslee was an angel and slept the whole time, minus our dinner stop. She was a bit more fussy on the ride home, but we powered on to get home for the blogger poker tourney. I lasted for 3 hours in that, then we headed out to a local pub for a father’s day dinner. Kenslee was quiet for all of about 10 minutes before the crying started. We rushed through dinner and went home. I got a couple of nice shirts and a “Daddy and Me” picture frame in which this picture will be placed:




All in all it was and good fathers day. I could have done without the 4 hour drive and the all-day fussiness. But, I’ve been a father for 3 weeks now and I’ve loved every minute of it. (Not including the 3 hours Titso left me alone with her while I was trying to work from home on Friday.)

blogger poker tourney - In typical fashion

I beat 2100 people, and came up 120 short of winning anything.

***
Update: Take note of the person taking my chips in the above picture. Now take note of who is about to win the tourney. It took the best player in the blogger world to take me out!!

A line em up knock em down day at work

Today at work I'm going bowling. Half of my team works out of north jersey and the other half is down here by philly. After every big release we have, we get together to "celebrate". In about a half hour I'm taking Kenslee to the doctor for a checkup, then I'm heading up to Princeton, NJ. We're going to lunch, then going bowling. I'm sure I can win over my new team by bowling good! Wish me luck!

I play favorites

I’ve updated my links. I’ve added some, deleted some, changed some, put new pictures in for some. And I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve listed you in the order that I love you.

Some of you have gained more of my love through your wit.

Some of you post everyday and keep me more entertained than others.

Some of you increased your position by buying, making, or giving me stuff.

Some remain on the linkage even though you barely write, but I want you to come back, so I leave you there. But you’re lower than you would be if you posted more. I would love you more if you let me.

There’s a few of you that don’t have a link. You’re bookmarked, but I’ve been burned in the past by people who entertain me briefly, only to let me down before long. You still need to prove my love for you. Or buy me something.

It's called Roshambo for all you unlearned

Did anyone catch the Rock, Paper, Scissors Championships on tv last night?

If so, did you see the one part where the one guy threw rock, and the other guy also threw rock? It was freakin mayhem. Then there was the one part where the lady threw paper and the guy threw rock and she covered his rock with her paper? He cried foul because you can’t make contact! A fight almost broke out. Then, the one lady who threw paper, then changed it to rock? Ha! You’re caught lady! They went to the slow motion reply! You rockhead! You know how the old saying goes: "I'm rock and you're paper, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to your scissors."

again.

Every time I go to Qdoba and get habanero salsa on my burrito I regret it.

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker!

This Online Poker Tournament is a No Limit Texas Holdem event exclusive to Bloggers.

Registration code: 7194295

Oh, my God!

Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson says it is the God's honest truth -- he did, indeed, once leg-press a ton when he was almost 73 and had prostate cancer, and he still regularly lifts up to 1,200 pounds with his legs.


Here’s a list of other things Pat Robertson has done that are not mentioned in this article.

- Pat Robertson once swam around the world. Underwater.
- Pat Robertson can throw a football over them mountains. If coach woulda put him in, they’d have been state champions.
- Lance Armstrong is really Pat Robertson wearing a Lance Armstrong mask.
- The part in Forrest Gump where he runs across the United States was based on something Pat Robertson did one time on a bet.
- Pat Robertson’s sweat cures AIDS. He’s just not giving it to them gays.
- You know the Greek mythological character Atlas, who holds the world on his shoulders? Pat Roberson bitch slapped him once.
- In May of 2003 a Nuclear Bomb was accidentally dropped on Arkansas. But, luckily, Pat Robertson flew around the world backwards really fast, like Superman, and time reversed and he was able to prevent the disaster.

Mascot

Last night there was a llama at my softball game. Seriously. Some guy was walking his llama around the parking lot of our softball field. We’ve been playing at this field for 6 years now. Just last year someone looked across the street and noticed gigantic birds in this guy’s backyard. He had a flock of Ostriches. Either Ostriches or Emus. Now apparently he’s moved on to llamas. Anyway, he was walking the llama when someone hit a foul ball in it’s direction. The llama freaked out and broke loose. He was running around the field then he noticed one of the guys on the other team had brought his family. The llama ran over and ate the guy’s baby. OK, maybe that’s a lie, but there was seriously a llama at my softball game last night.

The future's so bright...

Tim circa 1975:



Kenslee 2006:



Tim 2005:



Kenslee circa 2036: