Tuesday, March 13, 2007

You're Fhired

I'm the only programmer for the portion of the project I work on. We're hiring someone to join me so today I'll be interviewing someone for the first time in my life. He's got stuff on his resume dated back to 1982, when I was 7. This means he's old. Old people smell, so I'm glad it's a phone interview. I've been struggling with coming up with some questions that will give me a good idea if he and I will work well together. Like if he can juggle, or how much beer he can drink, or if he has a blog and if it's any good. I'm actually kinda nervous for this because I don't want to agree to hire someone I don't jive well with. While I am glad I don't have to smell him it would be easier if he were in the office because then we could have a good old fashioned arm wrestling match to decide if he's worthy. Wish me luck!

17 comments:

Melissa said...

Old people don't even know how to use computers. He's probably just looking for some easy money and your company has to fill their quota of old people so you'll hire him and end up doing most of the work. Sneaky old people.

egan said...

Aw, this should be fun. I've done a few phone interviews and many in-person ones. It can be challenging filling 30-60 minutes with work talk. It's troubling when you realize mid interview how little work actually occurs, my case... not yours.

Arm wrestling is good or you could have a loogie contest.

miss kendra said...

you should hire me! i know how to turn my computer on and off, and i DO have a blog, and i can't juggle but i'm totally willing to learn.

Think Frustrated said...

Ask him about his interests. "Do you like PornTube?" "How much beer can you drink without burping?"

PS I have a blog, can juggle, and know some computer stuff. Plus, I'm younger than you, so you can be the mean-ass old guy boss.

Christina said...

Ask him what sorts of things he was doing in 1982. If he says things like "inventing the Rubiks cube" or "campaigning for Mondale" you should tell him that you were in second grade. Just to even the playing field a little.

Christina said...

And apparently the Rubik's Cube was invented in 1974, so if he says he was inventing it in 1982, then you'll also know he is a liar. And possibly more fun to work with.

Tim said...

mel - good point. I asked him if he ever heard of IBM and he faked a stroke.

egan - this guy didn't struggle. We asked a question, then put him on mute and let him ramble.

mk - you're hired! You start tomorrow.


tf - I'm not exactly going to be the boss, but I will be the mean guy.

christina - If I hired a liar it would give me more to blog about than going to the Dentist...

egan said...

oh really? the fact you could put him on mute isn't a good sign. I bet he's a "close talker" with bad breath.

Burfica said...

gl I think.... maybe he's a big lumberjack type that can kick your butt. hehehehe

Leezer said...

Timophil:
Your list of interview questions:

1. Are you a top or a bottom, and why?

2. Do you ever clip your big toenanil too short so it's sore the next day? Why or why not?

3. Who did you vote for in the 1982 Presidential election? (If he says 1982 wasn't a Presidential election year, say "I don't care! Do you want the job or don't you!")

4. Peanut butter - crunchy or creamy?

5. Designated hitter rule - stupid or not?

6. Can I examine your testicles?

Your welcome.

ジェネヴィーヴ said...

I was just thinking this morning as I got in the elevator, "Someone old must have been in here before me because it smells like musty perfume, mothballs, and mealworms."
Old people do smell. :(

1982? He must be old. I was still an egg then. (and would remain so for another 2 years) This must mean you're old as well. Maybe you can bond with him on that. (kidding!)

I'm sure you'll do fine. Also, I like Leezer's suggestions. Go with those.

EuroTrippen said...

If he agrees to call you 'the beave' and teach you the hand-jive, you should totally hire him.

egan said...

Leezer, you're on a roll. I've seen some wickedly funny comments of yours today. I see you just commented on my blog. Better check it out.

Leezer said...

Egan - um, scuse me Tim - that's weird because I've been sad and crying all day. Seriously, because we're moving to Issaquah and I'm already homesick! Maybe I should be sad all the time.

Laurie said...

Thanks for the laugh today. I can always count on you (even if I have to go back and read some of your old shit since you don't post very often).

Just ask if he plays poker and drinks beer. If so you should get along just fine.

Oh great One said...

If you two don't mesh you'll have great stuff for your blog!

Brookelina said...

I should have come here sooner. I used to interview computer geeks for a living. I could have helped you in your quest.

Did you ask him if he likes gladiator movies? That's an important one.