Monday, May 22, 2006

Hairy and the Hendersons

As Fall turns to Winter, Winter turns to Spring, and Spring turns to Summer, there’s one thought that is on everyone’s mind: how does my chest look in a bathing suit? In particular, my nips. In particular, my nip hair. For pretty much my whole life I was not a hairy person. But, since I was a swimmer, I had to shave my entire body several times a year, which, scientifically proven or not, made me a hairier person. All of the hair on my chest grows at the same rate except the hairs around my nipples. It’s probably a 3 to 1 growth ratio. If chest hairs are manly, these hairs are Supermanly. Example:



So, this leaves my nipples in a quandary. I am not a chest shaving kind of person, so how do I treat these freak hairs? Do I trim them to be the same size as the rest of my manly chest hairs? Do I shave them? Do I let them spread their wings? Wax? Yank? It’s impossible to decide. It’s decisions like this that make me glad I’m not a girl.

15 comments:

Mad Ethel said...

Either wax or tweeze those suckers. They won't grow quite as fast (assuming they work like eyebrow hair or leg hair). Love the illustration, by the way.

jackt said...

Sounds like you may have a hyperactive areola follicle. Those darn areola follicles.

miss kendra said...

i think a nice foil and blow dry.

❉ pixie ❉ said...

I say braid them. I think jackt likes typing "areola".

❉ pixie ❉ said...

And why do your breasts stick out so far? Shouldn't we be seeing more of your ribcage/sternum area?

Chick said...

Rib 'em out...it's the only manly thing to do.

Melissa said...

Do those things poke Titso's eyes?

That Girl said...

yank them, but whatever you do, don't dye them. i've seen them dyed. i swear.

Tim said...

mad -waxing's got to hurt. What if I ripped my nop off?

jackt - thats pretty technical for some long hairs.

miss k - ooh, maybe I can get them cut into a jennifer Aniston do.

pix - I was wondering who would be the first to mention that. I don't know how I ended up with knockers.

chick ! are you back?

mel - she loves um.

tg - eww, gross. Then could you see the color roots when they grew?

TinaPoPo said...

what about doing a caribbean thing, like braiding AND beading them? That way they're a treat for the eyes AND the ears.

Clickety clackety click, sounds like Tim's nips.

That's what people will say!

Melissa said...

BTW, Harry and the Hendersons was the reason I didn't go camping for almost a year. I was terrified that a Bigfoot would follow us home and then eat all of my corsages.

ambs77 said...

Tim:
You need to blog something every morning when you first get in to work so that we know you guys haven't had the baby yet! (Maybe today?!?!?)

That way, if you don't post, we can assume you're at the hospital!! Hurry up and have the little nugget already!! :-)

brianna said...

i'm with pixie. the fact that your pec sticks out, away from your ribcage/sternum area, like a boob was the scariest part of that drawing. but i'd say, a beard-trimmer should do the job.

Paul said...

I get stray hairs like that all over the place. I'm not hairy at all, but there are always a few long stray ones. I just pull them out.

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