Thursday, August 31, 2006

Typing with my eyes closed would have been hard

So, yesterday I hit Publish and started my no-reading protest. I decided that by not reading I would be protesting the inhumane killing of elephants in Chad, Africa. These innocent elephants are being killed by poachers for their sweet, sexy, delicious, ivory tusks. Upon hitting Publish I saw "Please wait while your..." and I immediately shut my eyes in protest. But, alas, I realized I was too late. And I was sure another Africana elephant just bit the dust because of my heartless act of reading. I can deal with one dead elephant, so I restarted my protest.

Three seconds later I realized I didn't proofread my post. I can't stand embarasing speling mistakes, so I sacrificed a few more dozen elephants as I went back and proofread my post. A few minutes later I realized my plight was worthless as I noticed a comment that I had to read. So, poachers: You win. Go ahead and keep on poaching. Elephants: I'm sorry I couldn't fight harder. But think of it this way: your death means someone is probably getting a really nice ivory bracelet or maybe even a sweet ass ivory chess set. Seems worth it now. Doesn't it? You greedy, self-centered, ivory-hoarding elephants.

9 comments:

Melissa said...

The Boyfriend's uncle just made a sculpture out of ivory so thanks for reading and allowing him to get some great ivory. You've just made The Boyfriend's uncle $4,000 richer.

Tim said...

what was the sculputre of? Probably a pirate. Right?

❉ pixie ❉ said...

Don't forget the paper that is made out of elephant dung—a process which employs lots of people. And of course, those bitchin' side tables made out of elephant leg stumps.

❉ pixie ❉ said...

And no, I'm not kidding about the paper.

HappyKap said...

poor ella-fonts.

:-)

Sandra White said...

phentermine - health insurance - debt consolidation - home equity loans Nice comment.. I ll come back for sure :]

Melissa said...

So much for those poor poor elephants..... But that ivory is gooood.

Jazz said...

?????

You crack me up!

Leezer said...

Timophil:
Maybe you shouldn't give up reading, but just give up bathing, shaving, and engaging in all other forms of grooming. You won't save the elephants, but you'll save time, and you'll smell like an elephant, or the elephant dung that Pixie correctly reports is made into paper products, thus brining world awareness to the plight of the elephants.