I know that Brad Pitt is better looking than me. As much as I hate to admit it, I will. He’s prettier, sexier, more fit, and his penis is probably bigger than mine.
He’s richer, he dresses better, he has better hair, and he’s probably funnier than me. He’s a better dancer, actor (debatable), and singer than me. He probably has better teeth, better skin, and better toenails than me. He’s more manly than me and more metrosexual than me at the same time.
If there’s anything, any one thing in this world I thought I was better than Brad Pitt at, it was getting chicks pregnant. I had my wife knocked up within 48 hours of making her my wife. I totally fucking kick ass at getting chicks pregnant. I HAD to be better than Brad Pitt at that.
BUT, it turns out Angelina is due 3 weeks before Titso. And Brad and Angelina didn’t announce they were together until like December, so he somehow impregnated her just by looking at her because I know they wouldn’t lie to the public and be together before they said they were. I hate Brad Pitt.