Apparently this is not new news, but it’s new to me. You aren’t allowed to have long hair in North Korea anymore. Hidden videos will capture your long hairedness and put your name and address on TV and you will be mocked. Apparently long hair cuts off the oxygen to your brain and makes you stupid… but only if you are a man. I guess for women either this oxygen rule does not apply, or North Korea doesn't care if women are stupid. Oh, by the way, long hair on men is ok if you are balding and you have a comb-over.
I know a lot of people will say that this is everything that’s wrong with communism, but I like it. I think the US should adopt this policy. In fact, I like this so much I’ve come up with a few more things the US should do to keep people smart.
- No one should wear the color brown. Brown is obviously the color of stupidity. Except in shoes and belts.
- The letter Q should be dropped from the alphabet. I’ve said it before; I’ll say it again. Q is too dependent. If it can’t stand on it’s own, it doesn’t deserve to be honored the same as other more superior letters like I and A. Q makes people dumb.
- All baseball hats, skullcaps, and bandanas should be burned. They constrict the head, and prevent the brain from growing. Cowboy hats are still ok as long as they are official 10-gallon hats.
- People with Boston, New York, or Southern accents should be forced to take classes to get rid of their accents. Everyone should speak proper English, like a Philadelphian. Yo!
- Jewelry should be banned. It makes both men and women crazy and stupid.
- Men should not be allowed to wear tight fitting clothes. It restricts blood flow and makes them stupid. Especially that guy at the gym who wears the XX small white Under Armor. Yes, we can see your nipple rings through your shirt that is so small its melting into your skin. No, you do not look cool. Yes, your tight clothes have made you stupid.
- Women should not be allowed to wear loose fitting clothes. Just because.
- All boys should be named Tim. Parents have complete control over the boy's middle name. As long as it rhymes with Shristopher.