Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Bachelor recap

So, last night, Bachelor Travis picked hometown sweetheart Sarah to be his future ex-girlfriend. At the end it looked like he was going to pick bad girl Moana. But, much to her dismay, he did not. When she was eliminated she made several remarks that went unnoticed to the untrained eye. But, since I am a reality show expert, I am here to translate what she was saying to the layman. I think you will understand her grief a little better.

“You took a piece of me that I will never be able to get back” – Travis took her anal virginity.

“Wow.” – Travis was blessed with a giant penis

“I’m devastated.” – Add up first two translations

“I can’t believe him.” – She swallowed for him

“The good girl always comes in first.” – Moana could not reach orgasm. Travis picked easy to satisfy Sarah.

“I’m shocked!” – Two in the pink, one in the stink.



I think you all can now understand why she was crying.

19 comments:

fuzzymuffin said...

And they say that men don't understand women!

Tim said...

yes, I'm very in touch with my feminine side

ambs77 said...

ha ha!!!
i'm sad it's over.
maybe sarah and travis won't work out and we'll meet and be together forever. except i don't know how i feel about the whole pink stink thing.

Sean said...

what is it with reality tv hyperbole? I swear, its a very small fraction of your life and it's on tv but yet it's the MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER?? It's on EVERY reality tv show.

But then again, i like it because its easy to make fun of.

Funqi said...

I personally wish they'd bring back Temptation Island - nothing better than watching hot, drunk and horny couples mack on members of the opposite sex who AREN'T their significant others.

Alekx said...

I was trying to so HARD to watch that finale last night and damn people kept calling in with emergencys and wouldn't belive me when i told em the police department was closed until 10 pm.
Damn inconsiderate people

Steph said...

AHHHHHHAHAHAHAHA! That is sooo funny! and true.

hilarious.

Chuck said...

Excellent translations!! Yeah, I was sure he probably got the shocker.

I too was thinking he'd dump Sarah there towards the end. Glad he didn't. Us Tennessee natives have to stick together.

Conti said...

Could you translate the Celebrity Fit Club finale for me? For instance, what did it mean when Young MC said 'I'm hungry."

Tim said...

ambs - good luck with that... I guess he's handsome in a face-looks-like it-'s made-out-of-putty kind of way.

sean - things that are easy to make fun of are fun.

funqi - I loved the couple that hid a child from the producers. Nothing says loving parents like parents that might want to break up if they can meet someone hotter on reality tv.

alekx - you need a tivo!

steph - thanks!

chuck - I don't know how well known the shocker is. I was going to put a link on that word, but didn't exactly want to search for that at work.

conti - "i'm hungry" means "my new album drops on March 7th. Check it out yo!"

Funqi said...

lol - yea that was the black chick that was totally out of control and they couldn't even get along long enough to sit through their last dinner together for the 4 weeks or whatever it was!

let's write to the networks to get it back on the air!

Chuck said...

I once had a post about the shocker. I thought everyone knew about that fabulous act of love...

Melissa said...

Ew!

Oh great One said...

Brilliant! I'm glad you could translate for us. How about the Flavor of Love? Have you been watching that? I really need a translator for that one!

Lulu said...

I missed it. I was really hoping he would pick Moana. I don't know why, but Sarah irritated me. He was probably jsut remembering what Moana's family was like, though.

babyjewels said...

I was two in the pink one in the stink about his decision. I kept analyzing the kisses and the sarah ones looked like the kind I'd give my brother. If I had a brother and I was mildly attracted to him.

thanks for the translation.

Neil said...

Am I the only one who thought that show made Paris look boring?

Heather said...

Whoa.

Beebers said...

i know, i know - i'm a week behind. but the "two in the pink" just made me spit out my wine!