Something Good

I wish I had something good to write.

I wish I would write something and people would be excited and they’d all be like “Oh Tim, you’re so great.” And I’d be like “No, I suck.” Then they’d be like “No, I love you.” And I’d be like “Aww, that’s very nice of you.” And they’d be like “No seriously, I love you.” And I’d be like “Thanks, you’re very kind.” Then they’d be like “No, Tim, listen to me, I love you.” And I’d be like “Um, ok.” Then they’d be like “Tim, you’re having my baby.” Then I’d be like “I’ve never even met you.” Then they’d be like “Remember that time I said I was reading your stuff and I laughed so hard I orgasmed?” And I’d be like “Ewww, No.” And they’d be like “Well, I did, and I got pregnant.” And I’d be like “That doesn’t even make sense. Plus, you’re a man. Men don’t get pregnant.” And they’d be like “Tim, you’re not listening! You never listen to me!!” And I’d be like “Um… I gotta go now.” And they’d be like “You can run, but you can’t hide! I'll find you!!”

Yeah, I wish I had something good to write.