Monday, March 13, 2006

A half-true poem about my weekend

Friday night started slow and fun,
I robbed a bank, then had to run.
Made Margaritas, broke out the grill,
Took some Ecstasy in the form of a pill.
Watched some tv, Deal or No Deal,
Went to the ocean, killed a baby seal.

Woke up Saturday and started to clean,
Went for a ride and picked up a teen.
Walked to the store, grabbed me some lunch,
Just for some fun, the clerk I did punch.
Met up with friends for softball practice,
Went home and masturbated with a cactus.
Went out to dinner with another couple,
Grabbed her breasts, boy were they supple.

Woke up Sunday, went to my niece’s Christening,
Snorted some coke and my eyes started glistening.
Went to brunch with all the family,
Nothing rhymes here, so I’ll say jamily.
Played some poker and didn’t have fun,
Whipped up a bomb and killed everyone.
Watched Desperate Housewives, that show’s so damn gay
Hope you all have a very nice day.


The Pink Kitty said...

Wow, sounds like a productive weekend, punching a clerk, killing a baby seal, blowing up your poker friends and doing some coke. Nice :)

Kristi said...

DH might be gay, but you still watched it, didn't you?

Melissa said...

I'm going to submit this to the National Association of Poetry. It will be published in anthologies all over the world but no one will appreciate it's complexity and symbolism until after you dead. Then Baby-Bore-A-Phil will have to go on countless tv shows and explain what a true genius and great father you really were.

jennifer starfall said...

nice. especially the cactus part. hey, you know tomorrow's steak & blow job day?

fuzzymuffin said...

So which half isn't true?

Tim said...

tpk - yeah. A pretty typical weekend.

kristi - of course I did. through gritted teeth.

mel - I should probably kill myself. That would help my popularity.

jen - yeah! I can't wait to get my, um, maybe steak? Probably not.

sarah - uh.. the 1st half?

Steph said...

i just watch watch DH to get to Dr. McDreamy at 10, thanks.

Oh great One said...

Your so clever Tim. I wish I had come up with a cool poem like this.

LauraDanielleDotN said...

That sounds like a lovely weekend. My favorite part was "jamily"

Alekx said...

Your poetry leaves me in tears

No really, I'm in tears
I'm crying


kerri said...

You killed Heidi Klum and Seal's offspring?!


; )

Christopher said...

Worthy of Dylan Thomas

The Other Half said...

so moving

TinaPoPo said...

I'm with Kerri. That baby was ugly anyway.

Heather said...

Damn, screw my weekend wrap-up, I'm writing screwy poetry from now on.

That was BA.