Hello and welcome to the Church of Timotology. Sit down. Relax. And take a sip of our holy juice. It tastes like starbursts, and I promise there are no brainwashing chemicals in it like some other fake religions use. Trust me. You can believe me. We’re all friends here. And aren’t we all beautiful? We’re the internet’s most up and coming blogging religion. Our rules here are simple. First, you must be beautiful. The more beautiful, the more accepted you become. Second, you must be, let’s just say… open minded. (aka. simple minded). The more “open” minded you are, the easier it is for the Church of Timotology to brainwash you. Err, I mean, teach you our ways. Our third requirement is that you force-feed our beliefs on every other living human on earth. All must follow Timotology or they will no longer be our friends.
And our beliefs you ask? They are few. We follow the rules of P. Members of the Church of Timotology must love Porn, Procrastination, and Poop jokes. Member are also required to Pleasure themselves as often as possible. So come, P with us. The Church of Timotology is currently interviewing for the role of my future wife when I end my marriage after 9 years, 11 months and 3 weeks.