My girlfriend has been in California for just over 24 hours. I’m pleased to report the house has not collapsed yet. I’ve been on the roof twice trying to prevent it, and I’ve managed to keep it mostly intact. On the down side I accidentally burnt two of the bedrooms down and broke all the cat’s legs. Last night I left the keys in the front door and thieves broke in and stole all our tv’s while I was passed out drunk. I can’t figure out how to turn the heat on, so all the pipes burst. I backed up the toilet so I’ve started pissing in the closets. Since she’s not around I see no need for deodorant, showers or a tooth brush.
Yes, my friends, this is shaping up to be a good week!