Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Salesman Extraordinaire

Willy Loman’s got nothing on me! (that’s a good thing, right?)

Last night RiverDog Poker obtained it’s third customer. I’d attribute that to my masterful personal skills and my uncanny sales abilities. After 3 weeks of having no balls, I finally forced myself to go into the bar I’ve been targeting. My skills at work:

Me: Uh, hi, er, is there a, uh, manager here or something?
Bartender: No, why you looking for a job?
Me: Heh, no, not quite, well, kinda. Um, well… uh, I have a business idea I well, uhhh, I run free poker tournaments and I was kinda wantin to know if you’d be interested.
Bartender: YES! OH MY GOD, YES! The owner and me were just talking about this the other day. Now that Monday Night Football is over, we’ve been looking for something to do on Mondays and Texas Hold Em is what we wanted to do! It’s Texas Hold Em, right?
Me: Yeah.
Bartender: YES! Becky, get Pat on the phone now! We’re going to call the owner now.
Me: Uh, cool.
A minute later…
Bartender: Don’t go anywhere, we’re trying to get a hold of him.
Me. Ok.
A minute later…
Bartender: OK, he wants you to call him right now. Here’s his number.

I go out to my car and call him.

Owner: Hello?
Me: Hi, this is Tim, the bartender just asked me to call you.
Owner: Yeah, can you do Monday’s?
Me: Yeah, we’re free Mondays.
Owner: OK, we’ll start this Monday if that’s ok with you.
Me: Awesome.
Owner: OK, you do your part in getting the word out, and we’ll add the events to our weekly ad in the paper and we have kids that hand stuff out and we’ll put it on there.
Me: Awesome. (thinking: “he has kids that hand stuff out??”” WTF does that mean??)

So, only then does he ask how much we charge and how it works. I coulda told him anything, but I’m an honest businessman. $1 million per night.

Editor's note: I just realized this bar has a website and everything! I'm gonna be big time baby!


nique said...

You were born a CLOSER!

i had to google willy loman. apparently i didn't read that book.

Tim said...

As a reviewer on stated: "He is a man no longer living in the real world but is mostly trapped in his own delusional world."

That's totally me!

Branshine said...

You freak.
The starburst porn rocked.
I am going to pick me up a couples packs at the ghetto (sorry Urban) Mart tonight and try to create something with a little more plot.

Hey, I am girl, I like the stories.

Tim said...

thanks! I've been threatening to make more starburst porn, but laziness, beer, and laziness have gotten the best of me.

is it just me? said...

I had no idea how verbally talented you were. The "apprentice" has nothing on you.

Tim said...

yep Jen, I'm quite the smooth talker. Most people doesn't speak as good as me.

Bittergrrl said...

Tim, I believe Jen is trying to say you are a cunning linguist. Your thoughts on that?

Tim said...

I love cunning linguists, so I'd be happy to be one of those.

tuuli said...

ooo. I agree with Jen and comp. You were really smooth.