Monday, January 17, 2005

Hablas Espanol?

Exactly 4 weeks from today I’ll be sitting on a beach in Punta Cana. Exactly 4 weeks from today will be Valentines Day. Exactly 4 weeks from today I’ll still be thinking about what to get my girlfriend for Valentines Day. Anyway, from what I’ve heard, no one speaks English where we’re going so we have been advised to learn some Spanish. Thanks to the good folks at Corona, I know that cerveza means beer. While most of my needs are covered by this, I figure in order to not look like an American asshole, I should speak some more. Unfortunately, I haven’t spoken Spanish since my junior year of high school. The only thing I remember from Spanish class is the first sentence I ever spoke in Spanish, “Tengo una cita con Anita.” But unless I meet a girl named Anita and we go out on a date, that’s not going to do me much good. So, I’m asking for help. I need to learn some key phrases/questions in espanol. Can anyone tell me how to say the following in Spanish? (Or even French or some other language just so I can look like I'm trying.)

What is the monkey in my bathroom’s name?
Where can I score some illegal magazines?
How does my ass look in these pants?
Was that David Lee Roth I just saw?
Where do I register for the cock fighting?
Are you a man or a woman?

Mi gusta your help. Merci.


tuuli said...

haven't really ever got that far in my spanish studies but hey all you have to do are big gestures, smiling and nodding. i guess that'll do the trick. (and are you a man or a woman is est-ce que vous êtes un homme ou une femme? en francais ;) you'll be fine!

C-8 said...

Here is my Spanish knowledge -

1) leche de cabra - goat milk - stay as far away from this as possible

2) yo tengo novio grande - I have a large boyfriend - you never know when you'll need this one

3) por fin, el equipaje (not sure on the spelling of that) - it means "at last, the luggage" - you will NEVER use this, but it's the only think I remember from the spanish language cassette I listened to years ago

Tim said...

tuuli, that's my plan. But I'm screwed if someone asks me if they can take my girlfriend and have thier way with her. I'll smile, nod, and then she'll be a Dominican dessert.

cate, this is very helpful. I've combined your knowledge to say "Novio, yo tengo leche de cabra en grande el equipaje, por fin", or "Boyfriend, I have goat milk in my large suitcase, at last!"

is it just me? said...

Well Tim, it's exactly this kind of thing I can help you with. I know Dora the Explorer Spanish. But since Dora speaks her words I can only help you phonetically...

"Awww-bray" = Open (like "awww-bray moi Cervasa por favor"

Well there ya go, knock yourself out. That word alone should get you far.

Oh and you better get your girlfriend jewelry or you're f#$%ed. Do NOT get her a pen.

Jenny said...

Tim, Because I want you to COME BACK from Mexico, here is a phrase that will keep you from turning green.

Necesito a un médico para mi corre.

Guess what it means. ;-)

Tim said...

I need medicine for my penis?

nique said...

ooh! i got one! pronounce each of these letters!

s o c k s

Yay! that and; donde esta la bibliotheque

you know, in case you want to read some books!

Tim said...

it's killing me, whats "donde esta la bibliotheque" from?

nique said...

Adam Sandler: And now the severe beating of a highschool spanish teacher...

Tim said...

ah yes, stupid me.

Just Cassa said...

I’m pleased to assist you en français. Off the top of my head I’m thinking you could say “Suive le grenouille” which is the informal way of telling someone to follow the frog. I really like saying the word ‘grenouille’ (gre-new-y) and I enjoy telling people to suive, so I thought you might want to give it a shot. You might also enjoy saying “le chameau est devant le bureau”. In addition to meaning the camel is in front of the desk, it rhymes.

Punta Cana is gorgeous and it's supposed to have the best beaches in the entire Domincan Republic. I particularly recommend skinny dipping around 3:00 a.m. Taking towels with you is good, and losing the room key (again) is bad - especially when you're drunk and soaked and trying to explain to the desk clerk that it mysteriously disappeared.

To protect your girlfriend you should immediately hook up with an international men's sporting team which includes a U.S. marine. It worked for me. Just one more thing: don't forget extra navel jewelry. That's a dumb mistake I made.

C-8 said...

Mi hijo es un gángster sin corazón, y yo necesito un abrazo = My son is a cold-hearted gangster, and I need a hug -

Déjeme sentarme y decir halagos a vuestro oído. = Let me sit by you and whisper sweet-nothings in your ear.

Vale, puedes quedarte a mi lado, siempre que no hables sobre la tempertura.= OK, you can stand next to me as long as you don't talk about the temperature.

and my personal favorite

Quiero mucho ver las diapositivas de vuestra operación de hígado pero en primer lugar necesito ir cortar mi cabeza en pedazos pequeñitos con mi peine. = I would very much like to see the slides of your liver operation but first I must go and hack my head into tiny pieces with my comb.

you simply must check out the random phrase generator at

Tim said...

Cassa and Cate, I can't believe I didn't ask for those phrases too. I'd have never made it off the airplane without them. And Cassa, I was planning to hook up with an international men's sporting team which includes a U.S. marine myself for my own personal reasons, so I'm covered there.

Bittergrrl said...

Courtesy of The Family Guy (this could happen to you, Tim):

Brian: Hola, me Ilamo es brian ... Nosotros caramos ir condustedes.. uhhhh ...
Bellboy(spanish): Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said "me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es," just me llamo Brian.
Brian: Oh, oh you speak english
Bellboy (sigh): No, just that first speech and this one explaining it.
Brian: You .... you're kidding me, right?
Bellboy(spanish): Que?