I wish I could go on Dr. Phil's weight loss challenge because last night I lost 4 pounds in 4 minutes!
Our story begins several weeks ago when I made the conscious effort to grow a beard. After several hours of internal debate (er, seconds) I decided this was the best option for my future. The reasons were twofold. First, I hate shaving. Second, I'm lazy. It seemed like a match made in heaven.
I'm not the type of person that likes to toot my own horn (well, that depends on the meaning of that), but I'm very good at growing facial hair. If facial hair growth was an Olympic sport I'd probably finish just out of the medals behind USA soccer star Alexei Lalas, Osama1, and a long shot from Kazakhstan who's probably using growth hormones.
Anyway, last night I decided to weigh myself before shaving it all off. The match (previously) made in heaven was too itchy. So I get on the scale, I weigh myself, I shave I weigh myself again, and you guessed it: I lost 4 pounds!2 Bring on the Dr. Phil weight loss challenge! Bring on the Biggest Loser 2! And come and get me Osama!3
1. Because we all know Osama would come out of hiding to try to win this gold medal
2. By the time I actually stepped back on the scale I had forgotten what I weighed the first time, so my best guess is that I lost 4 pounds
3. No, don't. Seriously, I was just kidding