Thursday, January 06, 2005

I should be on Dr. Phil or something

I wish I could go on Dr. Phil's weight loss challenge because last night I lost 4 pounds in 4 minutes!

Our story begins several weeks ago when I made the conscious effort to grow a beard. After several hours of internal debate (er, seconds) I decided this was the best option for my future. The reasons were twofold. First, I hate shaving. Second, I'm lazy. It seemed like a match made in heaven.

I'm not the type of person that likes to toot my own horn (well, that depends on the meaning of that), but I'm very good at growing facial hair. If facial hair growth was an Olympic sport I'd probably finish just out of the medals behind USA soccer star Alexei Lalas, Osama1, and a long shot from Kazakhstan who's probably using growth hormones.

Anyway, last night I decided to weigh myself before shaving it all off. The match (previously) made in heaven was too itchy. So I get on the scale, I weigh myself, I shave I weigh myself again, and you guessed it: I lost 4 pounds!2 Bring on the Dr. Phil weight loss challenge! Bring on the Biggest Loser 2! And come and get me Osama!3

1. Because we all know Osama would come out of hiding to try to win this gold medal
2. By the time I actually stepped back on the scale I had forgotten what I weighed the first time, so my best guess is that I lost 4 pounds
3. No, don't. Seriously, I was just kidding


nique said...

haha this is funny! also i was just talking about weighing yourself before and after you poop. i bet you've done this too? in any event, don't you feel that after a really good poo, you HAD to have lost weight?
no? just me? i'll go back to work then.

Tim said...

yes, that is my favorite weight loss method. It goes, that, then growing lots of hair and shaving, then working out, then eating well.

Alekx said...

So I'm thinking if I acutally stop trying for that French sexy look and shave my legs under my arms and my who ha (use your imagination people) I should lose close to 20lbs..
Whoo frigging whooooo where's the razor vern.

Burfica said...

I'm still grossed out on the weighing the poop comment. hehehehehee

Paul said...

When I was training for the marathon I lost 7 pounds in 3 hours. If I'd shaved and taken a dump right after I'm sure I could have gotten up to 12 or 13.

Tim said...

I wish I had weighed myself before and after I ran a marathon. I know I lost a lot because both my legs fell off (or at least they felt like it).