Saturday, January 22, 2005

Heartbroken!

A few months ago I posted a series of pictures explaining how I fell in love with my girlfriend. If you haven't seen them, check them out here. I finished that post off by saying "They lived happily ever after." How wrong I was. A few months after I took those pictures she started acting weird. I was getting suspicious, but only after finding odd semi-liquids in the hot tub did I decide to hire a Private Investigator. Only because she broke my heart in two am I posting these pictures. Revenge!

When I met with the PI I knew after looking at the first picture things were not going to end up good. I couldn't see much, but I didn't have to.


Yep, thats our next door neighboor with her behind the bushes. Mr. Mellow.


I don't even know whats going on in this picture. I guess her desire for kinky things like this is what made her stray.


But, she couldn't have possibly enjoyed this. The Marsh Mellow's don't even have tounges.


This was always her favorite position.


The PI told me this went on for about 2 and a half hours.


Then they moved it towards the hot tub.


Then into the hot tub for more.


And they left that nasty semi-liquid behind... Marsh Mellow fluff!


But karma has a way of working things out. A few weeks after I broke up with her, she was pregnant. Mellow wasn't too happy!


And boy I wish I could have been there in the delivery room when she gave birth. Aparently Mr. Mellow wasn't the only one she was fooling around with...


Mr. Skittles is going to have a lot of explaining to do to Mrs. Skittles!

18 comments:

filmgoerjuan said...

You know, some people say that you have too much spare time on your hands.

Me, I think you have exactly the right amount of spare time.

Don't ever change!

Martin said...

That.

Was.

BRILLIANT!

Keep it up, man - you're a genius.

Cheers

is it just me? said...

Oh. My. God. Tim!! Funny as hell.

Jenny said...

What a hussy! That marshmallow creep needs to be ROASTED.

Harmony said...

That was the most hilarious thing I've seen in a very long time! I'm so glad I found my way here through The Ass Chronicles.

Burfica said...

OMG I don't even know what to say.

But I laughed and laughed till I choked. LOL

Tim said...

Thanks eveyone!

It verifies that I was correct in making my girlfriend shovel the 12 inches of snow that fell on Saturday. She told me I should have been helping her instead of making my starburst porn. Your praise tells me I was right! Thanks!

nique said...

dude, one word: outstanding!

starburst porn is a much more productive activity then shoveling!

So now that the Eagles won and the Steelers didn't, i'm rooting for the Eagles to win the big bowl! yay!

Tim said...

Hell yeah Nique! F the Pats!!

C-8 said...

I'm not a football fan, but WOO-HOO STARBURST PORN... You may have to do a Superbowl edition of this

Tim said...

Superbowl Sunday fact: Superbowl Sunday is the day of the year the most spousal abuse takes place.

I smell a storyline....

or maybe that's just burnt popcorn.

Branshine said...

I find myself oddly turned on and craving smores.

Tim said...

Branshine, there's nothing odd about getting turned on by these pictures. My ex was hot. The smores thing seems a little canibalistic to me though.

Anonymous said...

Why did the PI take a picture of the ex after the baby was born? Wouldn't his work have been done 9 months before? He wasn't a Skittle, was he??

Tim said...

The PI was the psycho/stalker type. That last one is from his personal collection.

Samantha said...

Have you seen the new Starburst commercial where the dude makes a sculpture of a girl he likes out of the candy and then shows it to her? As he describes it, he starts making out with it and eating the nose.

Ew.

Tim said...

are you serious?!?!? I should sue.

Anonymous said...

Looking for information and found it at this great site... » » »