Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Old Skool

Kidnappers demand $3 million for MLB player's mom

People still kidnap for money?? That’s so 1980’s. I’ll never understand the laziness behind that.

Kidnapper 1:”Dude, we ran out of milk again. It’s your turn to buy it.”
Kidnapper 2:”Dude, I bought the salami last week.”
K1: “Dude, that salami sucked. You bought the cheap stuff.”
K2: “Dude, I can’t afford the good stuff.”
K1: “Maybe you should get a better job, or look for coupons, or sign up for the Acme card to get discounts.”
K2: “Nah, maybe I’ll just steal someone’s mom and demand money for her return.”
K1: “Good idea.”
K2: “I was thinking about a baseball players mom. That way I could demand like a billion dollars and I'd be able to afford the good shit.”
K1: “Dude, you’re such an idiot, they’ll pay no more than $3 mil.”
K2: ”True dat.”

*Apparently kidnappers use the word "dude" alot.

10 comments:

Martin said...

I use 'dude' - not that often, though.

So, how's your mum?

Cheers

nique said...

HAY!!! your comment says noodle, not Martin?! wassup?

tim: a lot is two words.

also noodle is right, you shouldn't put your mom in a closet then say she was kidnapped...they'll find out man.

Tim said...

I'm going to have to side with martin here nique. You're the last person that should be correcting grammar. You're barely speaking english in some of your posts and comments. beeotch!

Paul said...

If he cared at all about his mom, she'd be with him in the states, living in his giant house, driving his fancy cars and managing all his high priced escorts. I doubt he cares all that much that his mom was kidnapped. Especially since she went missing on Sept 1.

Jenny said...

Yo Tim, Dude! I SO want in on the scam. I could be the one to like distract the baseball star while you snatch the old lady.

Harmony said...

Sounds to me like they were broke because they spent all their money on weed. I'm just saying..

Tim said...

Paul is that right? I didn't even really read the story, I just liked the headline. I think I'd notice if my mom were kidnapped after about 2 months.

Jenny, you said "snatch", hehehe...

Krista, they had to have been smoking something funny to let the milk and salami run out.

Burfica said...

yeah they were smoking wacky weed. Cuz who the hell mixes milk with salami. ick

Just pay the shit, it's only money. sheesh.

Oh wait he's not paying for them to TAKE her away, fuck I was mistaken.

nique said...

aww don't be so sore timothy!

Alekx said...

I volunteer to be your mom Tim...then we can make some money.
.....no....well you're right nobody would pay 50cents for me much less 3 mil...
Now I've gone and depressed myself. sigh..life is so unfair.